Windows and Doors

Windows and Doors


Web Site for Jewish Adulterers

posted by Brad Hirschfield

Not only is Shaindy.com a site for Jewish adulterers, but it caters specifically to those who are Orthodox. 350 people have already signed up to make matches with like-minded Jews looking to hook up, according to the site’s founder. And even if this is a carefully crafted early April Fools prank, it merits attention for three reasons.
First, as Shmuley Boteach is quoted in the New York Post article about this story, “Adultery is going to do nothing to your marriage except destroy it.” Is he wrong? However much a marriage may need some new excitement, does anyone really think that skulking around on the internet is likely to rekindle the romance that is often lost over the years?
Second, despite those who can not believe that this is real because, as they protest, “would religious people, even if they were going to cheat, want to cheat with other religious people?” Every study about cheating suggests that they would.


In fact, people most often cheat with those who they think are quite similar to the spouse on whom they are cheating. Most people are not looking for anything less (or more), than what they remember first having with the person they are cheating on.
In that sense, both Shaindy.com and the story about it are invitations not to cheat, but to realize what we really want and try to make it happen. Since most cheaters are not looking for better looks, different types, or anything like that, it’s really a chance to fix the relationship at home since that is what most people having affairs are looking for anyway.
Finally, both the article and the site suggest that part of the appeal of the whole arrangement is the opportunity to rebel against what many experience as an authoritarian community which is especially repressive when it comes to sex. So fact or fiction, this is a reminder to any religious authorities that when they hold on too tightly, they are probably going to lose their grip altogether.



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Gerard Nadal

posted March 30, 2009 at 3:36 pm


Rabbi Hirschfield,
“Finally, both the article and the site suggest that part of the appeal of the whole arrangement is the opportunity to rebel against what many experience as an authoritarian community which is especially repressive when it comes to sex. So fact or fiction, this is a reminder to any religious authorities that when they hold on too tightly, they are probably going to lose their grip altogether.”
I find this statement intriguing for a number of reasons. First, if the authority of the Rabbis is so repressive in matters of sexual intimacy, why would the couple not simply engage in whatever practices they wish? Why does this necessarily introduce adultery into the picture?
Also, I do not understand how the perceived stringency of the requirements of one’s faith should translate into such an act of violence against the sanctity of one’s marriage and one’s spouse. It is an odd and incongruous position that you stake out here. It really suggests cowardice: pulling the trigger on one’s spouse instead of one’s Rabbi.



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Scott R.

posted March 30, 2009 at 5:01 pm


When people are in an authoritarian religious culture, rebelling against their leaders is inconceivable. So they hurt the ones closest to them. Additionally, if their spouse is too loyal to the rebbe, they won’t rebel even in the privacy of their own bedroom.
There is a book I just read about people who rebel against the Chassidic culture that addressed this.
BTW, if this turns into a reality show (“America’s Hottest Charedim”?), I will surely puke.



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Daniel A Weiner

posted March 30, 2009 at 10:46 pm


This phenomenon demonstrate both the impersonal/anonymous/unreal sense of the consequences of the internet (if I post/twitter, it isn’t really happening in the “real” world) and the hypocrisies of fundamentalist faith. A two-fer!



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LAURA MUSHKAT

posted March 31, 2009 at 1:01 pm


now I have heard everything!
the only plus is that someone can easily find a loved one who is misbehaving or wants to by joining the site-faking their info ofcourse-a boon to the PI who does divorce work!!
how can somebody profess to be Orthodox and a reliable mate and go on such a place???
hugs
Laura



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Lucy G.

posted March 31, 2009 at 1:50 pm


Cheating may be a symptom of several problems. The cheater may be a narcissist who needs constant attention and is so rapped up in him/herself he/she has no concern for the feeling of the injured partner. Sometimes, the one who cheats does so because the partner is so highly critical and disapproving that she/he seeks love and approval elsewhere. (Obviously, this is not the way to handle such a situation but it is what some people do.) As the rabbi says, sometimes it is an act of rebellion. If one is a part of a very rigid, repressive society and begins to resent it, one may rebel in all sorts of ways. Perhaps one spouse is quite loyal to the Rabbi and the system and the other one wishes for more autonomy. Perhaps the cheating spouse felt pushed into a marriage by parents and society and is now acting out. When one is married, there are always negotiations going on and if one partner wants to make a major change in lifestyle, there must be communication and compromise if they are to survive as a couple. The problem with many of the very religous communities is that adult couples allow the rabbi to act as a parent to them. They make very few major decisions without his approval and so, are infantilized. This leads to juvenile behavior. Cheating, and a website dedicated to it is certainly an example of the most childish way of responding to life’s difficulties!



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Reyna Mullen

posted June 14, 2010 at 8:26 am


Wow I’m actually the first reply to this amazing read?!



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Los Angeles private investigator Steven

posted August 3, 2010 at 12:39 am


As a private investigator who specializes in cheating spouse investigations, I have seen infidelity destroy marriage after marriage. Some reconcile. Many do not. April fools joke or not, “hookup” sites for married people do nothing but cause problems.



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Rebuilding Marriage

posted October 17, 2010 at 9:54 pm


Infidelity in marriage is one of the top reasons for divorces worldwide. Most of the couples end up bitter and feel resentful to each other.
There are couples too who recover from infidelity and their relationship grew even stronger



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private investigator los angeles

posted February 22, 2011 at 12:29 am


that’s a much better way to put it. better let the process takes it’s cue first before anything else right? well, nice insights, works great in clientele explanation and information resource option regarding the matter.



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horoscope love compatibility

posted March 6, 2011 at 7:36 am


It’s true, once one half cheats, the trust is destroyed….been there
horoscope love compatibility



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