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Watchwoman on the Wall

Don't have a fit! It's HUMOR, friends! Is everything Jay Leno jokes about in his monologue verifiable and certifiably true?

 

 

Saving President Obama

One day President Obama fell off a bridge and was saved by three young boys.

Obama thanked them and said he’d give them all one thing in the whole world.

The first boy asked for a trip to Disney Land and vuala… that summer he was in Disney Land.

The second boy asked for a pair of Nike Shocks and sure enough the next day he was wearing a pair of Nike’s.

The third boy asked for a wheel chair with a plasma TV, cup holders and hydrolics.

Obama, looking puzzled at the boy, asked why he wanted a tricked out wheel chair because he didn’t look disabled.

The young boy replied, “I will be after my father finds out that I saved you”.

 

 

I don’t throw a fit, that’s why I’m glad I’m a man

Everyday I give thanks to God
I was born a man instead of a broad

When Oprah comes on, I turn off the TV
I don’t shave my legs, I stand up to pee

I go to a barber, not a beauty salon
Don’t pluck out my eyebrows just to draw them back on

I use my turn signal, I understand sports
Man, I’m glad I’m a man, man

Tell you the reason I am
I don’t go through a faze every 28 days

Man, I’m glad I’m a man

I pay cash at the grocery, no checks or coupons
Don’t take a lot of friends when I go to the john

I don’t throw a fit when I break a nail
I don’t buy a lot of shoes just because they’re on sale

I don’t apply makeup in my rear-view mirror
I don’t think of Bambi when I’m out hunting deer

I drink beer from a bottle, not from a glass
Man, I’m glad I’m a man, man

Tell you the reason I am
I don’t face the pain of water-weight gain

Man, I’m glad I’m a man
Let me tell you ladies
Listen to me ladies
I love your pretty faces
Your warm and soft embraces

I don’t spend two hours getting ready for a date
When someone asks me my age, I never lie

I don’t spend a fortune on French lingerie
This is the same underwear I wore yesterday

Man, I’m glad I’m a man, man

Tell you the reason I am
I find Michael Bolton completely revoltin’

Man, I’m glad I’m a man

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