Beliefnet
The Queen of My Self

By Shiloh Sophia
She knew that if she let her old stories be in charge
she would never get where she was going.
So…she began to weave her own legend.
Strand by strand she wove together the pieces
of her past, her present, and wishes for her future.
She realized that in order to create a new story
she had to let go of the old ones.
As she pulled in new strands she let the old ones go.
She thought it would be more painful –
she was so identified with those old stories, about who she was.
Suddenly she felt lighter, thinking about all she could be
instead of all she was not.
She is weaving her own legend.

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

The mental part of our Self is not satisfied with simply accessing our intentions and motives. Our minds want to know what they mean and how they affect us. Our conscious, rational aspect craves order, information, comprehension. We humans seem to have a basic need to organize, classify and characterize the world around us. When we apply this same need for knowledge and understanding to our inner world — our emotions, thoughts, instincts and intuitions — we are able to extract their value. What can we learn from what we feel? And how can we use these feelings to our benefit?

By keeping track of the circumstances and situations of our lives and our own conscious and unconscious responses to them, we can plot our course, chart our progress, project our aspirations, alter our habits, adjust our attitudes and plan our actions. “The decision to write a journal,” writes Christine Baldwin in Life’s Companion: Journal Writing as a Spiritual Quest “has been the most important decision I have ever made, because it has led to every other important decision I’ve ever made. The existence of the journal provides writers with confidence and courage that we can travel as far as the mind allows, and find our way home through the act of writing.”

The blueprints and maps for our lives can be found in the documentation that we keep. When we record our thoughts, feelings, dreams, coincidences, ideas, inspirations and omens, we have the raw data that we need to figure out what it is that we already know as well as what we still need to learn. I call this practice, “Noting the Process of Noting the Process.” I use the term “practice” advisedly. Practice implies attention, concentration and discipline. But the mental effort and dedication required is well rewarded by the Self-knowledge that we stand to gain.

The word “practice” also serves to remind us that there is no perfect. Whether we maintain a spiritual practice, a creative practice or a professional practice, we are always in the process of learning, adapting, accommodating, growing and changing. The only end comes when we die. In the meantime, all we have is the means, the very process of living, itself. We try, we move forward, we trip, we fall behind, we start again, and eventually we become, while not perfect, perfectly wonderful Queens.

Note the Process of Noting Your Process.
Keep track of your life and living.

Keep written, recorded, and/or visual journals of collages, drawings, or photographs that record and comment on your:


Dreams
Feelings
Goals
Happenings
Hunches
Interactions
Impulses
Instincts
Memories
Miracles
Omens
Physical concerns
Thoughts 

 

Keep your inherited and personal herstorical records:


Address Books
Almanacs
Autograph Books

Calendars
Common Books
Date Books
Diaries
Family Bibles
Letters From You
Letters To You
Photographs
Scrapbooks
Year Books

 

If you do any sort of divinatory readings or consult any oracles, keep notes on these sessions:

Astrology Charts
Automatic Writings
Crystal Ball
I Ching

Palm Readings
Psychic Readings
Runes
Tarot

Put ‘em all together and what have you got? Bibbidi-Bobbidi-YOU!

Mama Donna’s Spirit Support Skills Teleseminars, including Noting the Process of Noting the Process, are available for purchase and download, HERE.

 

* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

I see “Begin Again” as an ideal theme for this season. We have the supreme opportunity now in the autumn of our midlife to begin again. How shall we reinvent our Selves? What new programs, projects and passions are on the horizon for us? Please send me your stories of change, transition, and transformation. Our shared experiences serve to inspire and empower us all.

Thanks.

xxQueen Mama Donna

***

The following is the Commencement Address given by Anna Quindlen at Villanova University in 1999. I love the double meaning of the word “commencement.” It means at once a graduation, an ending, and the start of something new. And ideally that new beginning is on a higher level than the one we just left.

Get a Life
By Anna Quindlen

So here’s what I wanted to tell you today: get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger paycheck, the larger house. Do you think you’d care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a lump in your breast?

Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze over Seaside Heights, a life in which you stop and watch how a red tailed hawk circles over the water gap or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a cheerio with her thumb and first finger.

Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Each time you look at your diploma, remember that you are still a student, still learning how to best treasure your connection to others. Pick up the phone. Send an e-mail. Write a letter. Kiss your Mom. Hug your Dad.

Get a life in which you are generous. Look around at the azaleas in the suburban neighborhood where you grew up; look at a full moon hanging silver in a black, black sky on a cold night. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted.

Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around.

Take money you would have spent on beers and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you want to do well.

But if you do not do good, too, then doing well will never be enough.

It is so easy to waste our lives: our days, our hours, our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the color of the azaleas, the sheen of the limestone on Fifth Avenue, the color of our kids eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of live.

I learned to live many years ago. Something really, really bad happened to me, something that changed my life in ways that, if I had my druthers, it would never have been changed at all. And what I learned from it is what, today, seems to be the hardest lesson of all.

I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the world and to try to give some of it back because I believed in it completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned.

By telling them this: Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby’s ear. Read in the backyard with the sun on your face. Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness because if you do you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived.

 

* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

Several of my recent posts have been about the Self, including “What Exactly is the Self?” in which I wrote, “The Self is the sum of all of our parts, and holistically, it is greater than the sum of all of our parts. The fluid Self transcends time and space, expanding and shape-shifting, changing and adapting to accommodate the possibility of all possibility.” Our Self is “the artful patchwork of our own lives designed from the wild and wonderful patterns of our own personality and experiences, and crafted from our individual inner authority.”

Here are some words of Self-wisdom by some very wise women:

“We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be.” 

– Jane Austen

~~

“Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgement. And you can see forever.”

– Nancy Kerrigan

~~

“It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.”

– Sally Field

~~

“Falling, falling, falling, falling down. Look yourself in the eye before you drown.”

– Emily Saliers, Indigo Girls

~~

“Our goal while on this earth is to transcend our illusions and discover the innate power of our spirit.”

– Caroline Myss

               ~~

The authentic self is the soul made visible.

– Sarah Ban Breathnach

               ~~

“In our natural state, we are glorious beings. In the world of illusion, we are lost and imprisoned, slaves to our appetites and our will to false power.”

– Marianne Williamson

~~

“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.”

– Virginia Woolf

               ~~

“Every problem can be solved with the proper application of the means at hand. Maybe not easily, happily, cheaply or painlessly – but it can be done if you have the will; you already have the means – yourself!”

–  Joanne Siewert

~~

“As you begin to understand the immense power and love you hold inside, you will find an unending surge of joy, light and love that will nourish and support you all the days of your life.”

– Susan Jeffers

~~

“It is easier to live through someone else than to become complete yourself.”

-Betty Friedan

~~

“I didn’t leave Sonny for another man. I left for another woman. Me.”

– Cher

~~

“The bright shining

only reflects back to myself,

my own light blinding me.

I can’t see the world and they can’t see me.”

– Anna Chrisrest,

               ~~

“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”

– Judy Garland

~~

“Since you are like no other being ever created since the beginning of time, you are incomparable.”

– Brenda Uleland

~~

“At some point in my life, I swallowed a Sun. And now it dawns and sets in my belly.”

– Erika Harris,

               ~~

“My heart filled with love, flowing over with joy, my own little drum that I like to march by!” 

Gunda Fijnje-Nolan

~~

“I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am.”

– Sylvia Plath

What us your experience of your Self? How would you describe it?

 

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.