The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

Sacred Seclusion

posted by Donna Henes

Sacred Seclusion enables us to know, own, and honor ourselves as unique, individual entities. To admit our abilities and limitations, our talents and truculence on the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual planes, and love ourselves with compassion and no judgement attached. A practice of solitude and separation — be it occasional, frequent, or constant — teaches us that we do not need the approval or permission of any outside source to validate our personal experience or emotions. In knowing who we are, we are empowering ourselves to know what we know and feel what we feel.

We can only discover our own truth by paying close attention to the promptings of our inner Selves and to our honest reactions to the external energies that surround us. But just because we have the ability to access our emotional and intuitive truths, doesn’t mean that we necessarily want to. In fact, most of us have a huge resistance to face our emotions and let ourselves simply feel. This is especially true when we are confronted with the adversity, fear, and loss of the hard times of life. Who wants to feel like that? We bemoan our fate, our bad luck, our sad fortune, and find it easier to feel sorry for ourselves than to actually experience the pain when we are stricken with sorrow or sadness. We are exposed and vulnerable, scared silly, like a child who needs a nightlight, forgetting that the light is already on inside. We panic, preferring anything to the deep pitch, the petrifying recesses, of our own souls. This terror is the turning point, the time for determination.

It is at this critical moment, that we can consciously choose to dwell in the dark for a spell — for as long as it takes — despite our resistance and fear. We can decide to confront the emotions that churn beneath our surface. We can choose to engage with them, to follow them wherever they take us. To explore the blind byways of our pain, inching along, feeling our way through the tunnels with our tongues if we have to. To plumb our emotional depths and mine that precious secret ore of our own poignant life experience. To feel our heart actually break, explode apart, like a geode, revealing the glittering crystals of our wisdom growing inside. Once we have connected with our emotions, identified them, listened to their stories, felt their unutterable pain, confusion, grief, and joy, we can accept them as our teachers, bow to their great lessons, embrace them with love, and then let them go, release them into the night.

What distinguishes these midlife women is that they acted with purpose and tenacity to further their own needs and desires as well as those of the greater good. Their courage in trying circumstances does not mean that they were not afraid, but they did not let their fear stop them from doing what they felt must be done. “I’m not afraid of storms,” wrote Louisa May Alcott, “for I’m learning how to sail my ship.” Instead of depending on someone or something else to take care of business — a knight in shining armor, a successful husband, a doting parent, the class system, law and order — they rolled up their sleeves and did what they knew needed doing. They took up the sword, the pen, the struggle, the cause, the responsibility, themselves.

Never apologize, never retreat, never explain. Get the thing done and let them howl.
–Nellie McClung, Canadian suffragist and writer, 1873-1951

* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

 

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

Causes

posted by Donna Henes

By Janine Canan

Maybe you think you are determined
by your genes, or your karma.

Or you think
that childhood experiences
are more important.

Maybe you believe
it’s really a matter
of the food you eat.
Or subtle things
like magnetic waves
from phones
and ghosts and planets.

Or you sense how
others’ thoughts, words
and actions affect you, even your own!

Maybe you are convinced it’s all in the effort you make.
Or—all in God’s hands.

Well, She has sent a poet to say: It is all of the above—
and below—and beyond.

Causes © Janine Canan

***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

Racism, Survival, and Living Rafts of Support

posted by Donna Henes

by Patricia

As children of life, we are equipped by life with the pro-social trait of compassion, because it is essential to the survival of our species. Life gives us what we need to sustain Life, in, through, and around us.

We see this trait in the red fire ant colonies. When a flood hits a fire ant colony in the Amazon jungle, the species adapts to the water by linking legs and creating a living raft that floats on top of the water. On this living life raft, the queen and young are kept safe and dry until the floods subside and their raft reaches land. We are equipped by LIFE to create living rafts for each other.

We have linked together in compassionate outrage to demand that BLACK LIVES begin to MATTER to our police officers and within our so-called halls of justice. A living raft of marchers has formed in many of the nation’s cities in an attempt to keep our sons safe and alive until the floods of racism, finally and forever, subside. So that all our children are supported to grow, develop, and thrive. So that all our children can breathe!

Violence disregards our connectivity. Violence contradicts the call of LIFE within us. Compassion reminds us that we are all in this together and fills the streets with powerful words, actions, and cries of NO MORE!

Here are the mother’s stories…holding their breath each day as their sons go out into a racist world. And the white men’s stories, honestly reflecting on their privilege. We are all in this together.

Denise’s Story: I have 2 sons who’ve been pulled over by police. My youngest just because he was driving my car.  If the car is too nice, they assume my son stole it. I am scared every day for him. I call and check on him if he’s late. He’s a great guy. But many of the cops see a young African American male and think the worse. This has to end.

Catrice’s Story: Everyday I am tearfully grateful to see my 22 year-old son walk through my door to say HI to me and to hear his voice on the phone because I know one day he could be Michael Brown or any of the others before him. He’s a gift from God, on loan to me, and I cherish every moment with him. The pain and worry is real.

Janis’ Story: Several years ago when my 14-yr-old son was riding his bicycle to return a video to Blockbuster, he was stopped by a cop, thrown against a police car, and patted down because, as the cop stated, “he had on an over-sized tee shirt” and the cop thought he was hiding a weapon. I didn’t know which was sadder- (1) the response from his father who chalked it up to living in America or (2) the response from the police chief who claimed that the cop was simply doing his job. The psychological scars my son received on  that day infuriate me. Apartheid in America is real and dangerous. This cannot continue!

Jack’s Story: My friends and I, who happen to be white, were always doing stupid things in HS and college. We were stopped by the cops a lot but never feared that we would be killed. The police told us, “Go home and sleep it off.” or “Walk around the block and calm down.” We were never once threatened by the police. They treated us like we were their sons. Now I understand that the fact we weren’t killed is white privilege.

Let’s link arms, exorcise our own racism, challenge others to confront theirs, and together protect our sons and daughters to take another breath and to see another day. So they will write their songs, design our cities, invent new cures, and sustain LIFE in, through, and around us.

 

***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

 

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

Who Has Lived Well?

posted by Donna Henes

We can’t cage life. We cannot freeze the present happy day under glass. We can’t impale it like a butterfly in a frame. No, life moves inexorably on, whether we go with it or not. It rocks and lurches and limps along. It reels from high to low at a pace often too wild to follow, sometimes slow to bear.

The myth of life lived on an even keel persists in the minds of many, but seduces only the weak of heart. Life is a growing thing going from seed to sapling, from pillar to post, hither and yon, forwards and backwards but always, always toward its purpose, the shaping of the self into a person of quality, compassion, and joy. For that to happen, every smallest segment must be faced and cannot be fled. Life is not controllable; it is only doable.

Therefore, the keeping of the beat of life, the getting to the marrow of each of its measures, all of its elements is what the dance of life is really about. Who has lived well? Those who have sucked the juice of life from every period of its growing. Who is the happy person? Those who have survived each of these elements and found themselves to be more human, more wise, more kindly, more just, more flexible, more integrated because of having lived through that period of time, that moment of definition, that phase of survival, that streak of chastening awareness.

No doubt about it, the cycle of time shapes and reshapes our misshapen selves until we have the opportunity to become what we can.

– from For Everything a Season by Joan Chittister (Orbis)
***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

Previous Posts

A Poem about Self Love
By Karen Clothier   After Octavio Paz   after chopping off all the arms that reached out to me; after boarding up all the windows and doors; after filling all the pits with poisoned water; after building my house on the rock of no, inaccessible to flattery and fear; a

posted 6:00:14am Jan. 30, 2015 | read full post »

A Meditation on My Self
Soul searching, like the practice of any devotion, requires solitude, quiet and quality time. But life is hectic and our inner needs have often been relegated to the bottom of our endless to-do lists, our dreams and desires deferred, left on the back burner to simmer. Over a hundred years ago, Fl

posted 6:00:44am Jan. 28, 2015 | read full post »

Soup for the Soul
In the stark dark of the season in the dark of the long night we are compelled to turn inward toward the center. Drawn by an irresistible magnetic force, we are pulled inside of ourselves, inside of our homes, inside of our relationships for the comfort, warmth, love, safety and peace that we seek.

posted 6:00:34am Jan. 26, 2015 | read full post »

A Self- Esteem Exercise
by Madisyn Taylor Having low self-esteem is a common issue and with some introspection you can start to loosen the grip of this negative thought pattern. Our primary relationship in life is with our selves. No one else goes through every experience in life with us. We are our one permanent com

posted 6:00:12am Jan. 23, 2015 | read full post »

Empress Energy: Extending Our Influence Out Into the World
The Queen is a mature woman who has conquered the challenges in Her life and claimed Her own royal power. She cuts through fear and ambivalence, takes charge, and establishes Herself as the sole ruler of Her Self. She has struggled for Her transformation and has achieved it. Her proud potency is pal

posted 6:00:12am Jan. 21, 2015 | read full post »


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.