The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

You’re Never Too Old!

posted by Donna Henes

It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content — or steam, whichever comes first.

I posed this question to our cyber Queens’ Court — The Queen of My Self Facebook page.

Q. SEXY QUEENS: I am wondering: What is your sex life about as a Queen? How has your attitude about and/or your practice of sexuality changed with age? Are you less interested? More interested? More or less satisfied? Freer? More or less adventurous? These are pertinent questions for our Queen’s Court. Please reply here or, if you choose, you can email me at: thequeenofmyself@aol.com. Merci.

A. Since learning that sex and love were not the same things, that didn’t take long, my attitude toward sex has changed very little. I have always enjoyed sex, and as I age I find out that it really does get better with age, something that I would have never believed at 30. Intercourse, meaning communication and also meaning coitus, is so appropriate I think because it is communication, and bonding. At least for me, age has not dulled my interest, and that age has made me freer and more appreciative and understanding of the powerful place sexual intercourse holds in our lives. Not to mention the rewards and delights. Sex is not just for the young. Afterglow is good.
- LoisAnn, PA

A. As a Queen, I am definitely less interested in sex as just something to do or feel. It seems that my body is becoming more sexy in its sexual energy rather than in my physical being. For example, I can have an orgasm energetically if I open my womb space energy and allow Shakti Energy to flow through me. LOVE IT! WOWEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Sheryll, CA

A. I have found that initially I was much more free… relaxed. After a few years of this stage, I began to place my energies elsewhere. In many ways this was enlightening as I had no idea how much focus I had given sex and its pursuit. But I do miss it…even though married.
- Michele, IL

A. Much less interested. I am too busy discovering parts of me that I didn’t know I had.
- Susan, NY

A. I find, as I grow deeper into my Queen self, that I am much more sexual and confident about my sexual desires. When I was younger and even into my mother years, my sexual self was focused more on what he (my husband) wanted or needed. At this stage of my life, I am much more interested in what I want and need as it pertains to sex. Experimentation, whether as a couple or alone (yes, the untalked about “M” word) is much more free and exciting for me. I’ve noticed as well, that since my hysterectomy in 2009, I am much more frisky and flirtatious and able to climax quite easily. I love being a Queen and seasoned woman :o)
- Kimi, NJ

A. This Queen is reveling in her sacred sexuality. The ecstatic pleasure I am able to experience is a gift as I see it. I do wonder at times what could possibly happen if I was able to channel some of that energy elsewhere. I love what Kimi said, I too, shall consider myself a seasoned woman!
- Alys, CO

A. During my menopausal years (50-53) my sexuality increased wonderfully! Orgasms were longer and much more frequent. I ended my relationship and within a few years, my sexuality decreased. When I started dating again, I experienced pain upon penetration. My doctor told me my vagina was atrophying. That relationship ended shortly after that diagnosis and I’ve been single since then (five years). I’ve not missed it, actually. I’ve not missed having a man around either. LOL. I’ve realized that there is SO much more to life and that my earlier years were so focused on sex that I missed many wonders of our beautiful world. I am free and glad of it.
- Susan, NY

A. For me, part of feeling sexy is owning my power as a woman — the seat of that power being that which makes me a woman — my womb, my vagina. Being aware of the power that resides there.
- Lisa, VA

And what about you, my dear sister Queens? What part does sex play in your lives now? How do you feel about it? I would love to further this discussion. Do send in your experiences, thoughts and ideas

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

Peaches and Cream – Part 2

posted by Donna Henes

It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content — or steam, whichever comes first.

By Jade Beaty, CO

Fast forward to the grim, gray, bone-chilling coldness of a central Texas January, 2004. Since leaving my home in Boulder, I’d been through a weird kind of chaotic instability, floating without a home, traveling in my new old truck, and suffering through a living situation that had ended with a long-term friendship blowing up, causing me to find myself homeless again at the end of the year. On top of this, I was in the last throes of menopausal hell. No health care, no money to get herbal help, feeling fortunate to have food stamps.

I’m of the opinion that menopausal women should be carried around on satin pillows, with a hot young stud working the fan. This is not what I was getting. But I did get a temporary place to live in a little bungalow cabin in the woods. In front of this cabin was an ancient looking tree that I suspected was dead. It was squatty and broken and was probably a fruit tree of some sort, I thought. It held a certain kind of comfort for me somehow, and I’d stumble out to it and lay in its low branches, breathing deeply and asking for help. I needed to feel like I had something still to offer. I needed to know that my heart could still love after being so broken, so many times, by so many tragedies. I needed hope, and it seemed there was none.

As the weeks wore on, I visited this tree almost daily, telling it my troubles. In early March there were buds on it. By mid-March is was obvious that this was, in fact, a fruit tree and I delighted in bringing armfuls of the blossoms into town and distributing them to everyone I saw. I knew that if the fruit were as plentiful as the blossoms, it would break the tree apart. And that’s just what happened. The tree filled with hundreds, thousands of tiny peaches, and I watched them grow into the juiciest, prettiest little things you’ve ever seen. Tasty, too. That tree broke completely apart, in spite of my call to friends to bring buckets and harvest all they could. And I did gain hope. If that tree could bloom it’s little old heart out like that, in its last season, surely my life could blossom again.

First published in “The Blissful Times” © Jade Beaty, December 2004

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

Peaches and Cream – Part 1

posted by Donna Henes

It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content — or steam, whichever comes first.

This piece was sent in by a reader of The Queen’s Chronicles. http://www.thequeenofmyself.com/chronicles.shtml

By Jade Beaty, CO

There’s a ceremony in Tantra that involves naming your genitalia. Some western traditions of sacred sexuality contain information about reconnecting to your genital sense of Self. I was intrigued with all this when I first began my studies of various traditions of sacred sex. There are so many layers of shame and confusion that prevent us from having a relationship with our precious most private parts, and I thought the naming ceremony was a brilliant way to reconnect…a baptism, of sorts. My lover of that time was such a lucky man, as I was trying out the things I was learning with him. The summer of 2000 was one of the best in my memory. We were playfully, innocently loving each other and enjoying the lightness of our loveship – no expectations, no plans, no demands – that was our motto.

One brilliant, crisp July morning we headed for a stream in South Boulder that we’d visited earlier in the year, when there was still ice along the edges. We’d spotted a boulder in the middle that looked smooth and even, the perfect place for a picnic. Removing our shoes, we waded into the icy cold water, carrying our essentials. We had the makings of mimosas – champagne and orange juice, a comfy blanket and some pillows, some fruit, a little primo chocolate, and a copy of “Jitterbug Perfume,” by Tom Robbins.

The rock was the perfect spot for some kissing, some reading and some culinary indulgence. We’d picked up some of the biggest, most luscious looking peaches I’d ever seen at the farmer’s market on our way out. We dropped them into the stream for chilling as we read a bit and enjoyed the sun and the sounds of the rushing water. After a while, we pulled the peaches up beside us.   I suggested we both take a bite out of one at the same time, as we gazed into each other’s eyes.

We’d been talking about the naming of my yoni for a while. Nothing we’d come up with so far had seemed just right. As our eyes met with that peach between our lips, taking an intoxicating, juicy bite, we both said, through the mouthfuls, juice dribbling off our chins, “Her name is Peaches!” Gasping, gulping, giggling, I rolled off the rock and into the icy cold stream and we baptized her right there. And Peaches is her name.

Friday: Peaches and Cream – Part 2

 

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

Beauty Redefined – Part 2

posted by Donna Henes

It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content — or steam, whichever comes first. 

By Karinna Kittles

Still strongly in denial that the outer imagery I was participating in and witnessing was effecting me negatively, I simultaneously began to feel little desire to continue modeling or acting and overnight I became ill. My illness took me on a two-year journey that forced me to stop working, be in bed and look at myself. I began to move my attention from my outer reality to my inward reality, taking small steps to face my anger, self-hatred and unworthiness.

It was the most challenging time of my life and yet one of the most rewarding. At the time, I didn’t know why I was ill with many ambiguous symptoms and exhaustion, but as I look back it is clear that I was given the opportunity to strip away my false sense of external value and power. To take off my makeup, let my hair remember it’s natural color, reevaluate my sexuality- real from illusion, and look (what I perceived as ugly) and love myself.

As I came out of those two years, I was different. I knew more of myself, I was present, and appreciated more my heart, spirit and ability to show compassion and appreciation for others. But that did not exclude me from still vacillating, primarily unconsciously, of whether my outer self and outer reality was more valuable than my inner. Daily, I get closer to what is true, self love and inner wellness, beauty and peace and appreciation for the unique whole beauty of others.

Redefining Beauty is a personal journey. It requires asking oneself certain questions, such as What is beauty to me? What do I truly find beautiful in myself and in others? This can take time because we have become so accustomed to thinking that our cultural messages and definitions of beauty are our own.

Inner Beauty begins with health, both physical and emotional. There are many ways to increase ones physical health, through balanced eating, exercise, healthy habits and meditation. Emotional health can also be strengthened through acknowledging emotions, talking about them honestly with a friend, partner or therapist, and emotional transformation methods such as journaling and meditation.

With physical vitality and emotinal harmony, you will see the difference in your whole life. You will feel great, look your best and have better interaction in the outer world. This is the journey of Inner Beauty and I look forwad to hearing your stories and comment about your own inner journey.

 

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

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