Beliefnet
The Queen of My Self

 

June is traditionally the month for weddings and it is also now celebrated as Gay Pride month. Love is in the air all around. This is a juicy time of making whoopy.

But while June is the jolly season for Brides and Grooms, Brides and Brides and Grooms and Grooms, it is important to remember that the most primary and important love is that of Self Love. All relationships are built on the respect, esteem and affection that we have for our self.

Am I Having A Mid-Life Crisis?

By Carolina Smart

You ever have one of those Ah ha moments? Either one you came to on your own volition, or after a conversation with someone else; that someone being a good friend, family member or a stranger. I had one of those moments tonight.

We all date for different reasons. Looking to find the love of our life, for companionship, boredom or because we can. I have many single female friends and few married ones. I’ve asked many of them why they date, and even continue dating after one disappointment after another. These women range in age from mid thirties to late fifties.   I’ve been looking to them more and more lately, more so as a kid standing outside the store looking in at the toy they can’t have, rather than seeking out advice.

In my observations I see women, some who are strong and independent and others who are terrified of being alone. I’ve always have put myself in the category of strong and independent, but of late, am wondering if I have been using this mask to cover up my own fears. In less then seven months I will be turning 45. 45 and still single. Is this a bad thing? I guess that depends on whose opinion I am willing to listen to.

I’m not going to lie, I LOVE being single most days. I can come and go as I please, have no one to answer to but the credit card company if I spend $200 on a pair of boots, and don’t have to worry about being looked at as a freak of nature when I walk around my apartment in my under garments, while I have dye in my hair. Most days. But I have a confession, I like waking up with a warm body next to me and it’s only really been lately, that I have started to feel the need to fill the other half of my bed.

I’ve been battling with the whys of all of this. Am I lonely? Is my libido doing that one final war cry before giving up the ghost? Have I finally gotten to a place in my life that I am happy with who I am and now I can make room for a partner? Am I having a mid life crisis? This is where the Ah ha moment comes in. I think it might be all of the above.

It took standing in my kitchen with one of my dearest friends, listening to her lecture me, telling me that I deserve to have love in my life. That I deserve the world, deserve all the happiness and love that I dish out to others. I dish out generously to the men and women who have come and gone and now it’s their turn to reciprocate. Without soft coating it, she said I needed to stop making excuses and look for what is going to truly make me happy. But what if I don’t know what that is and what if it is no more than a 45-year old woman panicking about being 45 and single?

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™: http://www.donnahenes.net/queen/consult.shtml

***

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

June is traditionally the month for weddings and it is also now celebrated as Gay Pride month. Love is in the air all around. This is a juicy time of making whoopy.

But while June is the jolly season for Brides and Grooms, Brides and Brides and Grooms and Grooms, it is important to remember that the most primary and important love is that of Self Love. All relationships are built on the respect, esteem and affection that we have for our self.


Audrey Hepburn’s Beauty Tips

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you’ll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.

Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™: http://www.donnahenes.net/queen/consult.shtml

 

 

***

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

 

June is traditionally the month for weddings and it is also now celebrated as Gay Pride month. Love is in the air all around. This is a juicy time of making whoopy.

But while June is the jolly season for Brides and Grooms, Brides and Brides and Grooms and Grooms, it is important to remember that the most primary and important love is that of Self Love. All relationships are built on the respect, esteem and affection that we have for our self.

I posed this question to the lovely community of women on my Facebook Queen of My Self page:

 

Q. What are your experiences of Beauty and Age? Your personal-best breakthroughs? Are you, as I expect, better now than ever?

– QMD

A: No, I’m not. I still look ten years younger than I am, but for the first time I can actually see age in my face! Yikes! I’m 53, and I do know how lucky I am, but it still freaks me out. I need to go to one of your workshops!

– Jessie, NY

A: Feeling the most confident and beautiful now that the hateful relationship with the ex is over. Yay!

-Donna, NY

A: Age has its own beauty. It’s not easy to accept or feel good about youthful looks fading away, even if you are lucky to age gracefully, or luckier still to be able to hide your age. I keep thinking it would be nice to look the age I feel, and I relish being reminded that there are many ways to define beauty and many ways to feel beautiful. Learning to be comfortable with the way you look, and with your inner self is pretty damned important, at least to me. The older I get the more outrageous I become.

– L.a., PA

A: My mother is one of the most beautiful women. i’m biased, of course, but when she allowed the grey in her hair to slowly percolate through her dark brown/black hair starting in her late twenties, she provided a wonderful example of aging gracefully and accepting the gifts that gravity and age bestow upon us. My mother turns sixty-five this year. She has a full head of beautiful silver hair; i’ve just turned forty-seven and have lovely silver at my temples, a chin/neck that is beginning to wattle and a gift around my middle that had never been there before. I am loving and learning from what I call “gravities angels” about how to reign as a young Queen in my own domain. Throughout my twenties and thirties, I bridled when people said i was lucky to look younger than my age. I felt they overlooked my intelligence and point of view to focus on my appearance. I am feeling more satisfied these days to actually look my age! Don’t get me wrong, I have my challenges with the wattle thing, but still try to find the gifts in it sent from gravities angels.

– Dawn, CA

A: The fact is, that I’m so grateful to have my body, a temple for my soul. I take very good care of it: Yoga, good food, meditations, cleansing out. I love life and I love my body.

– Zabrina, Germany

A: I really think that if we want to have less sexism in our society we ought to give ourselves a break and quit spending so much money. time and energy on trying to “hide” our age. We get older, that’s a fact. If we’re lucky, that is. Age shows, and that is a fact. The only thing I hate worse than male strangers who I don’t know in the street or on the bus not showing any respect for me anymore, because yes, I show age in my face, is when women do that to me. Please stop! Consider all the money you will be saving, not to mention time and energy. You just might end up being more youthful by spending that time, money and energy on something other than your looks.

– Aimee, CA

A: There is a saying that age has its compensations. It does, experience being one, and a little wisdom, hopefully, too. When you think that not a century ago women of 50 more often looked 75+ if they managed to survive that long.

– Gerri, England

A: Here, here, lovely ladies. I agree with your thoughts on aging. The wisdom, patience and polish that comes with age cannot be replaced with the beauty of our outer bodies of younger years.

Bea, IA

Q. And YOU, dear readers, What are YOUR experiences of Beauty and Age? YOUR personal-best breakthroughs? Are YOU, as I expect, better now than ever?

– QMD

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™: http://www.donnahenes.net/queen/consult.shtml

***

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

June is traditionally the month for weddings and it is also now celebrated as Gay Pride month. Love is in the air all around. This is a juicy time of making whoopy.

But while June is the jolly season for Brides and Grooms, Brides and Brides and Grooms and Grooms, it is important to remember that the most primary and important love is that of Self Love. All relationships are built on the respect, esteem and affection that we have for our self.

 

On Beauty and Age – Part 2

By Anne Lamott

I became more successful in my mid-40s, but this pales compared to the other gifts of this decade — how kind to myself I have become, what a wonderful, tender wife I am to myself, what a loving companion. I get myself tubs of hot salty water at the end of the day in which to soak my tired feet. I run interference for myself when I am working, like the wife of a great artist would: “No, I’m sorry, she can’t come. She’s working hard these days and needs a lot of downtime.” I live by the truth that No is a complete sentence. I rest as a spiritual act.

I have grown up enough to develop radical acceptance. I insist on the right to swim in warm water at every opportunity, no matter how cold, no matter how young and gorgeous the other people on the beach are. I don’t think that if I live to be 80 I’ll wish I’d spent more hours in the gym or kept my house a lot cleaner. I think I’m going to wish I had swum more unashamedly, made more mistakes, spaced out more, rested. On the day I die, I want to have had dessert. So this informs how l live now.

I have survived so much loss, as all of us have by our 40th — my parents, dear friends, my pets. Rubble is the ground on which our deepest friendships are built. If you haven’t already, you will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of a beloved person. But this is also the good news. They live forever, in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a leg that never heals perfectly — that still hurts when the weather is cold-but you learn to dance with the limp. You dance to the absurdities of life; you dance to the minuet of old friendships.

I danced alone for a couple of years, and came to believe I might not ever have a passionate romantic relationship — might end up alone! I’d been so terrified of this my whole life. But I’d rather never be in a couple or never get laid again than to be in a toxic relationship. I spent a few years celibate. It was lovely, and it was sometimes lonely. I had surrendered; I’d run out of bullets. But I learned to be the person I wished I’d meet — at which point I found a kind, artistic, handsome man. We have been together 20 months now, when we get out of bed, we hold our lower backs, like Walter Brennan, and we smile.

Younger women worry that their memories will begin to go. And you know what? They will. Menopause has not increased my focus and retention as much as I’d been hoping. But a lot is better off missed. A lot is better not gotten around to.

I know many of the women at the wedding fear getting older, and I wish I could gather them together again and give them my word of honor that every one of my friends loves being older, loves being in her 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s. My Aunt Gertrud is 85 and leaves us behind in the dust when we hike. Look, my feet hurt some mornings, and my body is less forgiving when I exercise more than I’m used to. But I love my life more, and me more. I’m so much juicier. And, like that old saying goes, it’s not that I think less of myself, but that I think of myself less often. And that feels like heaven to me

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™: http://www.donnahenes.net/queen/consult.shtml

***

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

 

Previous Posts