Beliefnet
The Queen of My Self

January is Self-love month. And if it weren’t, I, Queen Mama Donna, would declare it so! So for the rest of the month I will focus on the ways that we can show love and support to ourselves.

There is only one person who is absolutely guaranteed to be with you loyally every day until you die. So you might as well live her! Will you join me in showering your Self with love starting right now?

 

Everything worth having costs something, and the price of true love is self-knowledge. Becoming acquainted with yourself is a price well worth paying for the love that will really address your needs.

– Daphne Rose Kingma

 

Loving yourself…does not mean being self-absorbed or narcissistic, or disregarding others. Rather it means welcoming yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart, a guest worthy of respect, a lovable companion.

– Margo Anand

 

Life is swift and precious while it’s in our grasp. Loving yourself is such a small act of appreciation for the everlasting Love that breathed you into being and on whose wings you will be carried when it’s time to leave this life.

– Paula Reeves

 

It’s not your job to like me – it’s mine.

– Byron Katie

 

Getting ahead in a difficult profession requires avid faith in yourself. That is why some people with mediocre talent, but with great inner drive, go much further than people with vastly superior talent.

– Sophia Loren

 

I don’t like myself, I’m crazy about myself.

– Mae West

 

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.

– Lucille Ball

 

Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

– Veronica A. Shoffstall

 

Do you want to meet the love of your life? Look in the mirror.

– Byron Katie

 

If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.

– Barbara De Angelis

 

The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.

– Sonya Friedman

 

Love yourself instead of abusing yourself.

– Karolina Kurkova

 

To tell the truth is to become beautiful, to begin to love yourself, value yourself. And that’s political, in its most profound way.

– June Jordan

 

If you can learn to love yourself and all the flaws, you can love other people so much better. And that makes you so happy.

– Kristin Chenoweth

 

“We must not allow other people’s limited perceptions to define us”

“Love yourself first and everything falls into line.”

– Lucille Ball

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

 

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

January is Self-love month. And if it weren’t, I, Queen Mama Donna, would declare it so! So for the rest of the month I will focus on the ways that we can show love and support to ourselves.

There is only one person who is absolutely guaranteed to be with you loyally every day until you die. So you might as well live her! Will you join me in showering your Self with love starting right now?

 

Despite the rude awakenings, the unsettling physical and emotional chaos of midlife and all of its frightful, presumed ramifications, an amazing number of women find this stage to be the most personally fulfilling and satisfying of their lives so far.

A recent Gallup survey of women aged fifty to sixty-five revealed that fifty-one percent of them feel happier now than they have ever before. This compares to only ten percent who thought the happiest times in their lives were their twenties, seventeen percent who were happiest in their thirties, and sixteen percent who liked their forties best.

Just what are we to make of this apparent feeling among so many women that we believe ourselves to be better off once we have lost possession of the very characteristics and trappings that society seems to value most in us — our sexual allure and childbearing capabilities?

We have lost our youthful looks and stamina. We have lost some vision, some hearing, some memory. We have lost the pigment in our hair and the elasticity in our skin. We are also losing our battle against gravity and the advancement of time.

We have lost the children we raised and we have lost our chance to have the children that we didn’t have. We also stand to lose our parents, our old friends, our spouses. We are in danger of losing our time left on the job, our visibility and our very lives.

So how does it compute that even while we are mired in loss, we have never been happier?

Because we have discovered that we actually like who we have become!

We Queens have taken on the challenge of change, and with our eyes wide open we have engaged in the daunting process of learning who we are now and who we choose to become. It is important to us to know that our thoughts and feelings count, that our work and interests are meaningful, and that we, ourselves, matter. Our growing Self-confidence propelled us to reach for and attain our own authentic personal power.

We have come a long way and it has been quite a journey. We have dreamed the dream and done the work, and walked the long, long highway. We have struggled to discover, comfort, cosset, encourage and change our Selves. Now, finally, gloriously, joyfully, we have arrived at our destination. The station of our authentic sovereignty. And don’t it feel grand?

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

 

 

January is Self-love month. And if it weren’t, I, Queen Mama Donna, would declare it so! So for the rest of the month I will focus on the ways that we can show love and support to ourselves.

There is only one person who is absolutely guaranteed to be with you loyally every day until you die. So you might as well live her! Will you join me in showering your Self with love starting right now?

 

Time spent in the bath, with a good book, exercising, and even doing domestic routines, can feel like holy rites of devotion if we perform them with the focused intention of Self-care and love. Our concentration = consecration. Meals, for instance can certainly be something more than the mere rushed intake of calories, nutrients, television news, and family bickering. A normal supper can be one of life’s most agreeable ceremonies if we establish a comfortable, leisurely, aesthetic, emotionally safe environment in which to enjoy food and convivial company even — especially — if it is “only” our own.

When is the last time someone cooked a special meal for you? When is the last time you cooked a special meal especially for yourself? What are you waiting for?

If you are never alone at dinnertime, do lunch. Or brunch, or breakfast, or high tea, or a midnight snack

Create an out-of-the-ordinary menu that might include your favorite culinary treats, or foods that you have always meant to try. Or you may want to create a fantasy feast or recreate a memorable meal from your childhood, from your travels to exotic places, or from your favorite book.

Cook with the intention to nourish and please yourself, purposefully infusing the food with love, just as you would in anticipation of any honored guest.

Set your table with all of the special things that you love, but never use. Enjoy your grandmother’s plate or vase, cloth napkins, and your good stemware.

Create a centerpiece that honors and celebrates you. Have fresh flowers or foliage or your favorite houseplant. Set out some of your amulets or holy items that represent your intention to treat your Self well. Light candles to ignite your intention.

Pour a libation of wine or ice tea and offer a toast to you, your health, your happiness, your life.

Don’t forget to say grace. Bless your Self and your bountiful blessings.

Serve your Self.

 

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

 

 

January is Self-love month. And if it weren’t, I, Queen Mama Donna, would declare it so! So for the rest of the month I will focus on the ways that we can show love and support to ourselves.

There is only one person who is absolutely guaranteed to be with you loyally every day until you die. So you might as well live her! Will you join me in showering your Self with love starting right now?

 

Love Your Self Now

By Molly Burke, CA

Love it all: the good, the messy, the deplorable and disgusting, the divine and endearing, the noble and profane. Love the crap you create, and the tenacity with which you continue to breathe. Especially, deliberately love the bits that you don’t think deserve it. Core confidence is grounded in self love.

I was inspired to write about self love because of this great client I have. She and I have been working together since 2007. She’s gone from morbidly obese, broke and suicidal to a sleek role model with a guaranteed annual income of 90K. I offered her another big challenge designed to accelerate her progress recently, which she received with enthusiasm and confidence, even as her fears reared their heads. Her undaunted attitude of “bring it on, I get it, I can do it!” is thrilling.

We were talking about her journey from that sad girl I met to the dynamic woman I know now. I asked her what the biggest internal shift has been for her. She said, “I talk to myself differently now.”

She went on, “I used to be so mean to myself, and constantly say bad, terrible things about myself inside my head. Somewhere along the way, that changed. I started talking nice to myself, and noticing the good things instead of the bad. Now I make myself say 10 good things about myself for every bad thing I catch myself thinking. I also find myself finding more good things about myself to praise. How I talk to myself has absolutely shifted. And it’s so much easier now to accomplish my goals because of it.”

“So you praise the good things about yourself, and that’s the shift?” I queried.

“Well, it’s more than that, actually. Things really started shifting for fast for me when I started loving all of me. I had to love the fat and the depression before they could go away. Without judging it. I just started telling my faults that I loved them. I did it all the time. I still do it. And they kinda vanished, or at least stopped getting in the way. And now I’m lots happier, and I get more done, and I love my life. But I had to love all of me first before anything else changed. I know I’d still be fat if I hadn’t started, for sure.”

I’ve watched this woman walk through Hell on the way to her dreams. I’ve witnessed her triumphs and her challenges. I’ve been honored to be her ally on this journey. Her results don’t lie.

I believe her. Don’t you?

Do yourself a favor. Start loving yourself, ALL of yourself, on purpose, deliberately. Start today, right this minute, and change your life forever.

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.