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The Queen of My Self

 

It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content — or steam, whichever comes first.

Several women have written in with ideas and suggestions for loving our Selves. Here is another one in three parts.

 

Learning to Love Yourself – Part 1

By C. Rainfield, Ontario

Learning to love yourself isn’t easy — especially if you’re a survivor of childhood abuse or neglect. But there are things you can do to boost your self-love.

* Ask for a list of things people like about you.

Sometimes it can be hard to find things we like or love about ourselves. So — ask other people to tell you all the things they like about you. Ask a friend, a lover, a therapist. This isn’t a replacement for your own love; it’s a first step in learning to love yourself. You may need to hear the things other people like about you before you can value them in youself.

If hearing what people like about you is hard, ask your friends to write it down for you, or leave it on your voice mail, so you can read/listen to it over and over. Go back to it as many times as you can. Even if you don’t believe that someone can like a particular thing about you, or you don’t believe it exists, trust that your friend does see it and value it.

When you start to hear critical voices inside your head, go back to those things your friend said/wrote about you, and remember that you are loved.

* Make a list of the things you like about yourself.

Make a list of all the things you like about yourself. Be as honest as you can. Modesty doesn’t help you here; neither do old critical messages. If you’re having trouble finding things you value about yourself, think about the things you value and love in your friends, then see if those things exist inside you, too. Most often, they do.

Fill a special notebook with your list, or create a set of cards. Make the notebook as beautiful as you can — make it something that makes you feel good when you look at it. Then open it up and look at it any time you’re feeling down or critical about yourself, or any time anyone says anything that triggers your criticalness of yourself.

Look at this good-things-about-yourself book as frequently as you can. It may seem silly, but repetition really does make a difference. (Just think of the impact one critical phrase said by a parent over and over to a child can have. It really does have an effect! Now try to give that child inside you at least one truly loving phrase about yourself that s/he can hold on to.)

* Make it part of your daily routine to praise something in yourself or think about something you like about yourself.

In this society, we’re taught that praising ourselves is selfish and wrong. But praising ourselves for things that are good about ourselves only helps us. It is a healing thing to do, something that nourishes our self-worth. When we love ourselves, we’re happier and more true to our own selves…and that happiness and ability to be free spreads to others.

So…try to think of something that you like about yourself, or something that you did today that made you or someone else feel good — no matter how small it may seem. Give yourself the kind of warm praise that you would a friend.

* Love yourself like a friend

Close your eyes and think of a person you deeply love and trust, and who you know loves you– a friend, a lover. Think about all the things you love and appreciate about them. Notice how that love feels inside you, how it makes you feel good.

Now turn it around the other way — be your friend, feeling that same deep love for you. Trust in their love for you, and just feel it. Let yourself see your self through gentle eyes, with compassion and love the way your friend does, even if you can only do it for a moment. Now let yourself receive that love, the love you have as a friend to yourself. Feel the warmth move through you. Remember how it feels, and come back to that love another time.

* Make a note every time someone says something nice about you.

Every time someone tells you something about yourself that makes you feel good, write it down or make a mental note and jot it down later. When you get home, put that note in a container of “good things about me.” Decorate the container however you like. Keep on adding notes, and read them over every time you need a little boost — and even when you don’t feel like you do.

Tomorrow: Learning to Love Yourself – Part 2

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE

***

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

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It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content — or steam, whichever comes first.

It has been my policy to only re-post works by Queens. But rules are made to be broken and the following is just too good not to share.

 

In Praise of Older Women

By Frank Kaiser  (Often mistakenly attributed to Andy Rooney)

One of the perks of dufferdom is an increased capacity to appreciate people. Friends. Spouses. And, for me, women. All women.

As I grow in age, I value mature ladies most of all. Here are just a few of the reasons senior men sing the praises of older women:

* An older woman knows how to smile with such brightness and truth, old men stagger.

* An older woman will never ask out of the blue, “What are you thinking?” An older woman doesn’t care what you think.

* An older woman has been around long enough to know who she is, what she wants, and from whom. By the age of 50, few women are wishy-washy. About anything. Thank God!

* And yes, once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart!

Her libido’s stronger.

Her fear of pregnancy’s gone.

Her appreciation of experienced lovemaking is honed and reciprocal.

And she’s lived long enough to know how to please a man in ways her daughter could never   dream of. (Young men, you have something to look forward to!)

* Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off that you are a jerk if you’re acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, fearing that you might think worse of her. An older woman doesn’t give a damn.

* An older, single woman usually has had her fill of “meaningful relationships” and “long-term commitments.” Can’t relate? Can’t commit? She could care less. The last thing she needs in her life is another whiny, dependent lover!

* Older women are sublime. They seldom contemplate having a shouting match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive dinner. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

* Most older women cook well. They care about cleanliness. They’re generous with praise, often undeserved.

* An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A young woman often snarls with distrust when “her guy” is with other women. Older women couldn’t care less.

* Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. Like your mother, they always know.

Yes, we geezers praise older women for a multitude of reasons. These are but a few.

Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal.

For every stunning, smart, well-coifed babe of 75 there’s a bald, paunchy relic with his yellow pants belted at his armpits making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize for my fellow geezers. That men are genetically inferior is no secret. Count your blessings that we die off at a far younger age, leaving you the best part of your lives to enjoy and appreciate the exquisite woman you’ve become. Without the distraction of some demanding old coot clinging and whining his way into your serenity.

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

***

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

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It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content — or steam, whichever comes first.

Everything worth having costs something, and the price of true love is self-knowledge. Becoming acquainted with yourself is a price well worth paying for the love that will really address your needs.

– Daphne Rose Kingma

 

Loving yourself…does not mean being self-absorbed or narcissistic, or disregarding others. Rather it means welcoming yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart, a guest worthy of respect, a lovable companion.

– Margo Anand

 

Life is swift and precious while it’s in our grasp. Loving yourself is such a small act of appreciation for the everlasting Love that breathed you into being and on whose wings you will be carried when it’s time to leave this life.

– Paula Reeves

 

It’s not your job to like me – it’s mine.

– Byron Katie

 

Getting ahead in a difficult profession requires avid faith in yourself. That is why some people with mediocre talent, but with great inner drive, go much further than people with vastly superior talent.

– Sophia Loren

 

I don’t like myself, I’m crazy about myself.

– Mae West

 

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.

– Lucille Ball

 

Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

– Veronica A. Shoffstall

 

Do you want to meet the love of your life? Look in the mirror.

– Byron Katie

 

If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.

– Barbara De Angelis

 

The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.

– Sonya Friedman

 

Love yourself instead of abusing yourself.

– Karolina Kurkova

 

To tell the truth is to become beautiful, to begin to love yourself, value yourself. And that’s political, in its most profound way.

– June Jordan

 

If you can learn to love yourself and all the flaws, you can love other people so much better. And that makes you so happy.

– Kristin Chenoweth

 

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.

– Lucille Ball

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

***

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

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How to Love Yourself in 17 Ways – Part 3

By Evelyn Lim www.abundancetapestry.com

10. Make Positive Affirmations Everyday. Post affirmations that can help raise your self esteem everyday. For instance, say this to yourself “I love and accept myself completely and unconditionally.” Read your affirmations out loud several times a day.

11. Express Gratitude. Express gratitude for the person that you are. For instance, cultivate an appreciation for your strengths and gifts. Also, feel a sense of gratitude that you are alive and well, and fully capable of making a difference in your life.

12. Nurture Your Dreams. Why deny yourself your dreams? When you nurture your dreams, you would love the life that you are leading. Every moment that you live is a joy because you are expressing yourself fully.

13. Boost Your Self Confidence. Make a deliberate attempt to look for opportunities that can help improve your sense of Self. For instance, if you are particularly good at doing something, set aside more time to indulge and improve your skills on it. Knowing that you have particular gifts can boost your self esteem.

14. Relax. You need to give yourself space to take breaks every now and then. If you spend your time working, without paying attention to your health, it also means that you do not love yourself well enough to take care of your own body. Fill your time with silence, soothing music and visions of beauty; anything that nourishes your Soul.

15. Have Fun. Inject some fun into your life. Life is meant to be an enjoyable. Don’t take life or yourself too seriously. If you can think of life in this manner, you automatically relax and quit worrying over things that do not matter.

16. Look After Your Body. It is important that you strengthen yourself with proper nutrition and regular exercise. Your body is a temple and you should treat it with respect, love and care. It has been found that the lack of self love is often the root causes of conditions like eating disorders, obesity or even terminal diseases.

17. Learn To See Beauty. When you learn to see beauty in every thing, you will also see beauty in yourself. Hence, stop to smell the flowers. Notice everything. Feel everything. The pink blush of the flowers in your garden, the greenness of the plains, the whisper of the gentle wind, or the myriad hues of an evening sky.

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

***

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

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