Beliefnet
The Queen of My Self

I see “Begin Again” as an ideal theme for this season. We have the supreme opportunity now in the autumn of our midlife to begin again. How shall we reinvent our Selves? What new programs, projects and passions are on the horizon for us? Please send me your stories of change, transition, and transformation. Our shared experiences serve to inspire and empower us all.

Thanks.

xxQueen Mama Donna

 

A Birthday Declaration of Independence  – Part 2

By Lilamayi, CA

So what I’m proposing is that we stop attaching any ignorant limiting ideas onto our self worth because they are spiritually unhealthy and aging. It is important to see our essential radiance and beauty as something infinite and not finite. Imagine what a change it would make in how people felt and looked if they uprooted those limiting fearful beliefs that have been programming their minds and bodies for centuries.

On a spiritual path we are here to come more and more into the glory of our divine essence, which is infinitely beautiful and makes our bodies healthier and more radiant.  The great sage, Osho had this to say:

“When man gets old he becomes ugly. The animals in the jungle do not become ugly but remain as beautiful as when young. So also the trees, though some are a thousand years old and near death, there is not a grain of difference in their beauty. Old trees become more beautiful. Old lions become yet more majestic. Man becomes ugly because he becomes tired. The trees do not fight existence; they keep their sails wide open, and they are happy wherever the wind takes them. You are fighting existence; therefore you break. You become old and decrepit because your life is one long struggle.

When you were small children you compromised. You sold your being. For nothing… For small things you have lost your soul. You have agreed to be somebody else other than yourself; that is where you missed your path. The mother wanted you to become somebody, the father wanted you to become somebody, the society wanted you to become somebody; and you agreed. By and by you decided not to be yourself. And since then you have been pretending to be somebody else. You cannot mature because that somebody else cannot mature. It is false. If I wear a mask, the mask cannot mature. It is dead. My face can mature, but not my mask. And only your mask goes on aging. Behind the mask, hiding, you are not growing. You can grow only if you accept yourself — that you are going to be yourself, nobody else. The rosebush has agreed to become an elephant; the elephant has agreed to become a rosebush.”

So in celebrating our birthdays, I propose that we celebrate our birth and rebirth in each new moment. For my next birthday, I will be zero years old. That is the truth of who we are in each new moment. Anything is possible. That is something to celebrate!

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™: http://www.donnahenes.net/queen/consult.shtml

***

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

 

 

I see “Begin Again” as an ideal theme for this season. We have the supreme opportunity now in the autumn of our midlife to begin again. How shall we reinvent our Selves? What new programs, projects and passions are on the horizon for us? Please send me your stories of change, transition, and transformation. Our shared experiences serve to inspire and empower us all. This piece was sent in by a sister Queen in response to my request. Please send in your stories, too.

Thanks.

xxQueen Mama Donna

 

A Birthday Declaration of Independence

By Lilamayi, CA

It is the dawning of the age of Aquarius, the end of the Mayan calendar is around the corner, and an overall sense of transformation, letting go of old paradigms and being born into a new age. It dawns on me that my birthday is coming up, once again on the Fall Equinox, and I propose to renew what it means to celebrate a birthday.

What is all this change? The light warriors are shattering and burning up all of the limiting beliefs that have been passed down through generations…those beliefs that hold us back from freedom to be who we really are. They are working to let go of a life built on fear and ignorance. They are trying to break down the rigid lines and boxes that have trapped us into a matrix of false beliefs. We have been hypnotized to see ourselves as fitting into categories based on race, gender, and age. We are breaking down race barriers, we are breaking down gender barriers, but last of these to go seems to be the age barriers. So people reaching 30 and over are afraid that they are getting old. Many people don’t even want to celebrate their birthdays because they are hiding from the fearful beliefs associated with the increasing number.

At what point in the history of civilization did people start to associate their identity with a number? Is it even appropriate that people continue to associate themselves with a number when there are so many fearful myths associated with these numbers, and this is the time to break down the fear myths. We should be proud of our experience, our accomplishments, our wisdom, our laugh lines, our battle scars… We should honor our motherhood, or grandmotherhood, the imperfections that make us human, and the changes in our body which are transformational rites of passage. Why attempt to honor a number, which is only associated with limiting beliefs? It might be helpful to keep track of these numbers while children are growing up so we can keep track of their physical growth and education, but why do we continue to do this after they are grown? There was no such need in tribal culture.

I am speaking mainly about women when I say this has been a suppressive tool. Women were not allowed to vote until 1920, and it was considered wrong for them to work outside of the home even into the 50s and 60s. The average age of marriage for girls during the 50s was 20 years old, so they were starting to become viewed as spinsters when they were 25. Doctors recommended against women having babies after the age of 30. Popular magazines still give instructions about what women should stop wearing after they are 40 years old, and whether it’s acceptable for them to have long hair. Women are still working to claim ownership of their bodies and their personal power.

Tomorrow: A Birthday Declaration of Independence – Part 2

 

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™: http://www.donnahenes.net/queen/consult.shtml

***

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I see “Begin Again” as an ideal theme for this season. We have the supreme opportunity now in the autumn of our midlife to begin again. How shall we reinvent our Selves? What new programs, projects and passions are on the horizon for us? Please send me your stories of change, transition, and transformation. Our shared experiences serve to inspire and empower us all.

Thanks.

xxQueen Mama Donna

 

Happiness — A Work in Progress

By Sister Joan Chittister 

Happiness, I have learned, is a work in progress.

We become happy by learning to appreciate what we have as well as to achieve what we want.

We become happy by cultivating the highest levels of human response in ourselves—in the arts, culture, creativity, understanding, productivity, and purpose.

We become happy by concentrating on the gifts of life rather than obsessing over its possible pitfalls.

We become happy by refusing to allow externals to be the measure of the acme of our souls. “Those who have cattle,” the Kenyans teach us, “have care.”

We become happy by refusing to be beguiled by accumulation or power or pure utilitarianism, by power or excess or withdrawal fron the great encounters with life.

We become happy by defining a purpose in life and pursuing it with all the heart that is in us, with all the energy we have.

Finally, we must learn to keep our eye on happiness rather than simply on pleasure. It is the confusion of the two that endangers the goal.

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™: http://www.donnahenes.net/queen/consult.shtml

***

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

I see “Begin Again” as an ideal theme for this season. We have the supreme opportunity now in the autumn of our midlife to begin again. How shall we reinvent our Selves? What new programs, projects and passions are on the horizon for us? Please send me your stories of change, transition, and transformation. Our shared experiences serve to inspire and empower us all.

Thanks.

xxQueen Mama Donna

 

Field notes on an empty nest – Part 2

By Cindy La Ferle, MI

A lot has changed since my son started college. I’m still adjusting to the hollow echo of his (oddly) clean and empty bedroom, looking for remnants of my old self — my mothering self — in the bits and pieces he left behind. The family calendar in our kitchen has some blank spaces, too, and is no longer buried under neon-color sticky notes announcing band concerts, Quiz Bowl meets, school conferences, and carpool schedules. At first, this was not cause for celebration. I’d become what our high school mothers’ club affectionately refers to as one of the “Alumni Moms.”

While I suddenly found unlimited bolts of time to devote to my marriage and writing career, I mourned what I perceived to be the loss of my role as a hands-on parent. Despite the fact that I had a cleaner, quieter house, I missed all the athletic shoes and flip-flops piled near the back door. I missed the boisterous teenagers gathered around the kitchen counter, or in front of the television downstairs. I missed bumping into other parents at school functions, and wondered if life would ever be the same.

Life isn’t the same, but I’m OK with that now. I’ve come to realize that a mom is always a mom, even though her parenting role changes over time.

Not long ago, I stayed at my own mother’s place for a few weeks while I recovered from major surgery. When I apologized for disrupting her normal routine, she said, “My home will always be your home, too.” I found comfort in knowing that. Yet at the same time, I missed my own house. And I felt grateful that Mom had encouraged me, years ago, to craft a life — and a home — of my own.

It’s hard to believe my son is packing for another year of college this week. The hall outside his bedroom is now an obstacle course of boxes, crates, and suitcases stuffed with everything he needs for the months ahead. I’m still not very good at saying good-bye when his dad and I leave him at the dorm and steer our emptied SUV back to the expressway. I manage to compose myself until I notice the tearful parents of college freshmen going through this ritual for the first time. But it does get easier each term.

So, is the nest half-full or half empty?

Reflecting on the small bird’s nest perched near my desk, I’ve come to believe that every family is a labor of love and a work in progress. It’s a bittersweet adjustment, but I’m at peace with the idea that our household is just one stop on our son’s way to his future. He’ll be flying back and forth over the next couple of years or so. And hopefully, patience and love will be the threads that weave our family together, no matter how far he travels.

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

 

Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™: http://www.donnahenes.net/queen/consult.shtml

***

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.