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The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

The Best-Kept Secret: Women Love Power Part 2

posted by Donna Henes

The Best-Kept Secret: Women Love Power Part  2
By Dr. Marcia Reynolds, AZ

So why do so many people keep telling women, “Step into your power”? Because women have a hard time saying, “I am powerful,” even though they like the feeling. They blush when people say they intimidate others, saying, “Who me? How could I threaten anyone?” Then they feel bad that these people think they are unapproachable, though they really don’t have time to help everyone.

Therefore, if you are a woman, the question is not, “What will it take for you to enjoy your power?” The questions are:

* What will it take for you to admit that you have talents, skills and wisdom that people admire and recognize?

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* What will it take for you to feel pride for the effect you have on others?

* What will it take for you to appreciate being put on a pedestal because you are a model for others to follow?

Are you afraid people will negatively judge you?

They already do if they think you are uncomfortable with power. Are you afraid you will lose friends if you stand proudly in your power? You might lose friends who are envious of you but gain those who love your show of confidence. Are you afraid that you will be given too much power to handle? You won’t know what you can handle until you try it.

You like feeling powerful. Yet you give it away by not letting others know you like it.

What small steps can you take today to test whether your assumptions about the bad effects of showing your power are true? If you can prove to your brain that you will be admired more than criticized, that you will gain supportive friends to replace the ones you lose, and that you can handle the increasing responsibilities given to you (especially if you know how to powerfully ask for help), then your beliefs about your power will change.

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What little things can you do today to begin to convince your brain that publicly acknowledging your power is good?

Experiment with showing people that you appreciate the power you’ve earned. Then maybe people will quit perpetuating the myth that women don’t like power. Maybe male leaders will quit saying that women don’t want power. Maybe the people who write articles and blogs will quit telling you to stop being so wimpy.

You’ve got the power. When you let people know that you enjoy your impact, then you are gracefully flaunting it. Is there anything wrong with that?

* Please send me your thoughts about power. Also stories of your own empowerment. When shared, these ideas and examples are extremely inspiring to others. Thanks.

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 ***
The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

CONSULT THE MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™
Queen Mama Donna offers upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

 

 

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The Best-Kept Secret: Women Love Power Part 1

posted by Donna Henes

I’ve got to tell you, I absolutely love this continuing theme of women’s relationship to power. This is a subject very close to my heart and something that we women need to examine closely and concentrate on if we are to rise to the full potential of our Self-sovereignty.

I am receiving so many fantastic letters and articles from sister Queens who are actually quite comfortable in their power and are not too shy to admit it! Could anything be more inspiring?

Here is another wonderful, thoughtful and wise piece. Enjoy!

The Best-Kept Secret: Women Love Power Part 1
By Dr. Marcia Reynolds, AZ
 
I’d like to banish the widely held myth that women are uncomfortable with power, that we aren’t in touch with our power or don’t like wielding our power. These statements are not true, and they damage the credibility of women.

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I do believe it’s true that women give away their power. But first women have to have power in order to give it away.

I also believe it’s true that women don’t like to publicly acknowledge their power. They don’t tell other people that they enjoy having power, and they brush off compliments about the power they demonstrate. It’s likely that they do this because they still face criticism in social and business situations if they admit to enjoying the feeling of power. It is still not safe for women to see their power as a gift.

Yet it is not possible to feel uncomfortable expressing something you don’t have. So women have to have power in order to feel uncomfortable talking about it.

The truth is, when it comes to feeling powerful, women are not only comfortable with it, they like it. We like feeling in control and don’t like it when others try to take that control away. We like being listened to and accept compliments about our wit, if not our intelligence. We like doing important work and feeling that our work is significant.

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And contrary to the endless articles that claim that women are responsible for the lack of leadership positions they hold because they don’t raise their hands, look who raises their hands in school. Girls are taught early on to raise their hands. Then as adults, many volunteer for tough assignments and leadership roles.

Yes, women prefer to be asked to step into leadership positions, but unless the woman is a full-fledged introvert, she will take on more responsibilities than she can handle and only turn down leadership positions when she just doesn’t have a drop of energy left to spare.

Tomorrow: The Best-Kept Secret: Women Love Power Part  2

* Please send me your thoughts about power. Also stories of your own empowerment. When shared, these ideas and examples are extremely inspiring to others. Thanks.

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 ***
The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

CONSULT THE MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™
Queen Mama Donna offers upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

 

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Believe in Yourself! A Self-Care Strategy – Part 2

posted by Donna Henes

Believe in Yourself! A Self-Care Strategy – Part 2
By Cheryl Saban, Ph.D, CA

How do you start believing in yourself when you’re so used to being a non-believer? How do you begin to care about being you, if you’ve become habituated to feeling so hopeless, or helpless that you project the message that you don’t care at all? The short answer is, by taking personal responsibility for doing so. Class dismissed.

Okay, so perhaps it’s not that easy. And it would be truly disingenuous of me to trivialize the difficulties many people face – and that is not my goal. Still, those who study happiness state that the only way to be truly happy, is to decide to be happy. It starts with you – your own perceptions of you, your abilities, and your potential. Actually, nobody else can truly devalue you, but you.

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This power is entirely yours, and is manifested by an attitude you come up with in your own mind. You can thank Victor Frankl, among others, for proving this. Dr. Frankl was a holocaust survivor who realized during his captivity in Auschwitz that the only thing his captors couldn’t take from him was his mental life – his spiritual life. He was able to find meaning even in the most painful of situations. Though this is perhaps an extreme example, you can try to follow his lead. Choose your thoughts – change your attitude, and decide to believe in yourself. You’ll soon attract a happier experience into your personal universe and feel energized with a sense of freedom and independence.

Belief in yourself may begin as a small light at the end of a tunnel – a glow, a feeling of hoping, and then knowing. It’s an awareness that though you can’t change any of the facts of your life, you can change the way you think about those facts.

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Once you have the attitude that you’re worth the effort, you’ll find it easier to start taking care of you. Eat responsibly, treat your mind and body to regular exercise and take time to enjoy nature, and breathe fresh air. Listen to soothing music, read interesting books, take warm baths, listen to the sounds of nature, and laugh belly laughs. Cuddle up with someone you care about, get and give plenty of hugs, compassion and empathy, and honor and treasure your family members. These are all important activities for wellness.

Remember that your body is a temple, and you are a treasure. You are unique, precious, and one-of-a-kind. Believe that you have a right to be here; that you are worth the effort of saving, educating, healing, playing with, working with, loving, and sharing a lifetime with.

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Say the following words like a mantra. “I believe I am worth believing in.” Say these words every day. You’ll be amazed how the universe will contrive to make it so.

* Please send me your thoughts about power. Also stories of your own empowerment. When shared, these ideas and examples are extremely inspiring to others. Thanks.

 ***
The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

CONSULT THE MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™
Queen Mama Donna offers upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

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Believe in Yourself! A Self-Care Strategy – Part 1

posted by Donna Henes

   
We had a week’s worth of posts about Self-love, and now I would like to return to our previous discussions about women’s relationship to power. The letters and articles have been pouring in and it is my honor to share with you the thoughts, experiences and wisdom of our sister Queens.

Please send me your thoughts about power. Also stories of your own empowerment. When shared, these ideas and examples are extremely inspiring to others. Thanks.

Believe in Yourself! A Self-Care Strategy – Part 1
By Cheryl Saban, Ph.D, CA

Are you one of your biggest fans? Do you think you’re capable and worthy? Would you pick yourself to be on your team? If you answered ‘no’ to any of the above questions, you could use an attitude change and a healthful infusion of personal esteem.

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Self-esteem is described as confidence in one’s own worth or abilities, and pertains to a personal appraisal of ourselves. Yet, unfortunately, we often make this evaluation based on cues we receive from society. In other words, we look to others to establish who we are, how we should behave, and how we’re valued, even though this societal reflection won’t be an accurate indicator of what you’re made of.

Trying to measure up to a dominant mindset, antiquated cultural rules, or stigmatizing stereotypes that don’t serve you well isn’t the best plan. Using such subjective measuring devices may also explain why you don’t always feel like a good fit. Bottom line, try not to rely totally on the outside world to validate you. A better option is to equalize the playing field by believing in, and validating yourself.

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By the way, if you’re concerned about spending too much time and effort on numero uno, try remembering that you can’t be of great help to others if you don’t care much about yourself. Believing in yourself doesn’t mean you’re conceited, overly self-centered, or narcissistic. It’s simply part of an overall self-care strategy for wellness and contentment. It means that you recognize the true who of you – your core being, the special present of your presence – in other words, your innate worth.

Belief in yourself isn’t just a good thing to do; it’s a survival skill. And giving yourself a pat on the back for being a sentient being with ability, heart, potential, and immeasurable possibilities, is directly related to your quality of life. You need to feel worthwhile. You need to believe that you can affect circumstances and situations in your life in order to have the confidence and courage you’ll need to meet the many challenges you face.

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Tomorrow:  Believe in Yourself! A Self-Care Strategy – Part 2

***
The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

CONSULT THE MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™
Queen Mama Donna offers upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

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