The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

The Queen’s Court

posted by Donna Henes

Look below for The Queen of My Self book giveaway offer.*

For more than five years I have been traveling with The Queen of My Self through nineteen states and three countries, meeting and talking with several thousand women and crowning hundreds of Queens.

Everywhere I went, I met fascinating, marvelous, women of a certain age. Every venue where I spoke was run by capable and engaging women in midlife. Every antique mall that I browsed through was staffed with middle-aged women. Every diner and family restaurant, too. The women who attended my workshops were incredible in their openness and readiness to embrace change. And every single one of them had a story to tell about how she is growing into her personal sovereignty and becoming the Queen of Her Self.

The sad part of these travels was meeting and then leaving so many fabulous women who I would have liked to get to know better and to associate with on a regular basis. Ironically, this was the best part, too. Each time that I left a place, I knew that it was in good hands, that I had one less place that I had to worry about. I knew that the Queens who live there would be taking care of business. This makes me feel so much safer in the world. We are everywhere and we are absolutely amazing.

Somewhere, on some highway, I had the idea to create a cyber Queen’s Court. A virtual place where all the Queens can gather and share inspiration and encouragement with each other. Where we can find information and news to spur us on in our growing power. Where we can keep our intimate connection alive. With each workshop, this dream grew and expanded.

The Queen’s Chronicles, my monthly Ezine that picks up where the book left off, was the beginning of what is now a wide-spread vibrant community of mature women who are the Queens of our own domains. The Queen of My Self Page on FB and this Beliefnet blog are also chapters of The Queen’s Court. And new plans are underway for even more ways that we will be able to connect in the near future.

This Cyber Court of Kickass Queens is a virtual gathering of sovereign women of a certain age — our dear peers — who graciously offer guidance, inspiration and encouragement to each other.

We Queens know what we know. And we know a great deal. Our experience has made us wise. So, feel free to consult with our cyber-counsel when you are in need of sage advice or wish to explore a particular topic of interest.

We don’t accomplish anything in this world alone…and whatever happens is the result of the whole tapestry of one’s life and all the weavings of individual threads from one to another that creates something.
-Sandra Day O’Conner


*Happy Anniversary!

This is the 100th Queen of My Self blog on Beliefnet!

It is my hope that these articles have been enlightening, inspiring and encouraging as you follow your path to personal sovereignty.

In honor of this auspicious occasion, I will be giving away five signed copies of my book, The Queen of My Self, to the first five women who contact me at today and request one.

It is as simple as that! Just send me an email before midnight tonight and ask me for a book! Of course your feedback, ideas, thoughts and suggestions are, as always welcome, as are your comments on these pages.

Best regal blessings to Queens everywhere.

xxQueen Mama Donna

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to

You Are Called

posted by Donna Henes

My synchronistic receptors have been extremely highly attuned lately. As soon as I think a thought, I am gifted with an affirmation of its veracity. No sooner than I think or write something, than some related, really relevant writing by a like-minded soul sister Queen is miraculously, electronically delivered to my computer.

Deena Metzger’s powerful two-part message “Ruin and Beauty” that I posted Monday and Tuesday was just such a gift. A gorgeous mirror reflection of my own grief about environmental devastation and my determined dedication to do something about it.

When I think about it, my greatest contribution to the greater good — beyond all the obvious easy steps we all take to renew, reuse repurpose and recycle — is to connect, to communicate, to commune, to encourage. This was my assignment from the universe. This is my way.

We each have our own way of serving. The severity of the times demands that we all step up and find our personal way and follow the path where it leads us. Inevitably, it leads us right to our own authentic center Self. This is where we belong. Where we were born to be.

As I was writing those words, the following piece by Jennifer Louden, the Comfort Queen, popped up onto my screen. It’s a wonderful affirmation of just what I had been thinking. I guess great minds, great Queens, really do think alike!

You Are Called
By Jennifer Louden

If you are here unfaithfully with us, you’re causing terrible damage.

Dear Rumi, he knows how to get to the heart of the matter, doesn’t he?

If you are here unfaithfully with us, you’re causing terrible damage.
What is Rumi talking about?

Near as I can tell, he’s talking about cheating on your calling. Denying it.

Near as I can tell, Rumi knew, that minx, that at some point, your calling was going to come calling to you.

Darling, that time is now.

It’s calling and calling loud.
Woo-hoo! I’m over here. C’mon over and let’s get it on.

It’s calling you, and me, and all of us, like never before.

Please, don’t cover your ears. I need your company on this adventure. We all need your company.

And if you do cover your ears, turn away, get busy elsewhere, know that it will keep calling you, keep following you, keep throwing hints – sometimes pointy jabby hints. It wants you that badly. It won’t quit. It wants you to see that all the self-care and soul searching and creative voice finding you’ve done, all the fear-busting, course-taking, yoga-bending, tribe-building, and general spiffying, is so beautiful and it’s all been preparation.

Holy preparation.

Preparing you to live faithfully and boldly in care of authentic selfhood.

Let me call upon Parker Palmer to help explain:

What we see is simple but often ignored: the movements that transform us, our relations, and our world, emerge from the lives of people who decide to care for their authentic selfhood… the people who plant the seeds of movements make a critical decision: they decide to live ‘divided no more.’

They decide no longer to act on the outside in a way that contradicts some truth about themselves that they hold deeply on the inside. They decide to clam authentic selfhood and act it out – and their decisions ripple out to transform the society in which they live, serving the selfhood of millions of others.

Some of us educated spiritual types may have gotten stuck thinking that claiming our authentic self was only about us, about our passions, our creative fulfillment, our bank accounts.

Oh darling, how adorable. I’m here to tell you: that was just step one!

Now comes step two and beyond. (To infinity and beyond…)

You are ready. As ready as you need to be. Promise.

(And if you think you don’t have the energy or the time here’s the secret: you get more than you give, in all ways, when you work faithfully for the true and undivided life.

You are called:

To see that which is untrue, unfair, false, restrictive, abhorrent, unjust, and otherwise un, that which your authentic self can no longer pretend is not there.

You are called to liberate, to hold, to love a very small part of that un, the part that most divides you from yourself, so that the places in you, and me, and all of us, that are also divided and shamed and shoved into corners because of that wrong, can be united.

Can be free.

This authentic self stuff is a deeply political and radically act.

Who knew?

Oh and least you think you are being called to be different than you are – say more good or noble or selfish – nope.

It’s the undivided and authentic writ large, expanded, which means being more you and doing the knitting together of savoring and saving in utter youness.

Good, right?

As if the coincidence of this piece wasn’t amazing enough, I just this minute received a message from a Queen reader commenting on Deena Metzger’s “Ruin and Beauty.” It is also, unbenounced to her, a comment on Jennifer Louden’s article, which she clearly had not read, since it hasn’t been posted yet. Talk about synchronicity!

Driving home from Carmel, California near where my son was married in
the woods this past weekend, I found myself overcome with the beauty of
the landscape–earth and sky thrown open, gorgeous yellow grasses
deepening to earth brown with the fading light. I could barely breathe
as the sweep of my life across 66 years undulated before me, within me.
A profound call, cry, longing to live the beauty and the sorrow sewn
into the many years of kinship and landscape I am. If I call out the
names of the rivers of my childhood – Rio Grande, Arkansas, Gunnison,
might I then know the exact passageway to crawl down to live?
Rio Grande! Arkansas! Gunnison! Colorado! 

- Sharon

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to

Say Something – Part 2

posted by Donna Henes


What we all have to do from now on is to stay alert, stay centered, keep connected and most important of all, keep talking. Talking, writing, protesting keeps the light of truth and tolerance shining upon the hidden agendas of governments, industries, institutions, and individuals. Silence, like the dark of night, shelters nefarious deeds. Silence forgives violence.

I have been haunted recently by the words written by a Protestant minister after the downfall of the Nazi regime. “First they came for the gays. I am not gay, so I didn’t say anything. Then they came for the Gypsies. I am not a Gypsy, so I didn’t say anything. Then they came for the Jews. I am not a Jew, so I didn’t say anything. Then they came for the Catholics. I am not a Catholic, so I didn’t say anything. When they finally came for me, there was no one left to say anything.”

Today we need to say, “First they cut down all the trees and since I am connected to All That IS, I must say something. Then they spilled the oil and since I am connected to All That IS, I must say something. Then they melted the polar icecap and since I am connected to All That IS, I must say something. Then they killed the sea turtles and polar bears and since I am connected to All That IS, I must say something.

Be bold.
        Make a statement.
                Make a stand.
                        Make a difference.

In light of the widespread oppression, manipulation, intimidation that surrounds us today, we most certainly need to say something.  We need. In fact, to talk to everyone who we meet, actually engage on a human level with those who we encounter as we make it through our day. Not just our families, friends and colleagues — those of presumed like-minds — but also the shoe repair guy, the waitress at the coffee shop, the post office clerk, the bag boy at the super market.

A good example is Dianne, a crowned Queen, She not only prays for the homeless men and women who live on her block, she calls them each by name. I am so impressed and inspired by her personal outreach to the “untouchables.” Everybody is, after all, somebody.

If we ignore, exploit or patronize those people whose lives intersect with ours, how can we expect international relations to be more civilized? We need to walk our talk wherever we go, whatever we do, remembering always, that by doing so we do make a difference. Let us each be a sun, sending our caring energy out into the world, shedding light wherever we go. You never know whom you might touch with the radiance of your warmth.

So, Queens, let’s speak our mind, walk our talk and put our money where our mouth is.

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to



Say Something

posted by Donna Henes

It is so damn easy to feel depressed, frustrated and disillusioned right now. These are terrible times of artificial division, manipulated resentment and palpable fear. The real dynamic being played out right now is not about warring religious, economic or nationalistic factions. Not even about war. The struggle is actually between those who believe that the world is defined in terms of opposition — war or peace, right or wrong, rich or poor, with us or against us — and those who are able to see things in a more holistic, congruent manner.   

In these deciding times, it is imperative for those of us who see the big picture to decide, to commit, to make a concerted effort to reach out in ever-expanding circles of affinity and embrace. Now is the time to create healthy, functioning networks in recognition and in honor of our mutual state of being and our common fate.  

Because there really is still a chance for peace — and that chance will definitely increase if we each do our piece. It is ultimately up to us, each one of us, all of us, individually and together, to create the kind of world in which we want to live — to be the change we seek — starting right here, right now. Within the context of our immediate lives, within the concentric circles of our ordinary interactions.

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.

- Mother Teresa

I once gave a presentation in Washington, D.C. about creating peace in our world and in our lives. During the question and answer period, a woman commented that she wished that she could drop her job and just devote herself to working for peace. “What do you do?” I asked her. “I’m a therapist,” she replied. Surely she has many opportunities every day to create peace in her professional capacity.

Some might argue that we don’t have any choice in this upside down dangerous world and that we can’t affect what will happen. But even if we can’t immediately alter the course of human events on the world stage, we can certainly create change in our own lives and in all of the lives that we touch. And our thoughts are the seeds of that change.

Use your thoughts wisely. Understand their power. Thoughts have a tendency to become their physical equivalent. This is one of the fundamental laws of the universe. Another one is the law of attraction, which states that ‘like attracts like.’ Because it is consciousness that creates reality, the kind of consciousness you hold — your vibration — actually creates the kind of life you’re living.

- Dr. Christiane Northrup

So our first order of business as reining Queens must be to stay positive. To entertain only positive possibilities. To imagine only affirmative alternatives. To surround ourselves with wholly uplifting, life-affirming people and influences. To align ourselves solely with the greater good so that our actions will be born of only the finest of our best intentions.

Part Two tomorrow.

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to



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