Beliefnet
The Queen of My Self

 

The blessing of not being perfect

 by Sister Joan Chittister

 

Humanity is a mixture of blunders. That’s what makes it so charming, so interesting to be around. Because none of us is complete, we all need one another. It’s only when we convince ourselves that we are the fullness of all that is, that we become spiritually poor.

The nice thing about being human is that you get to fail a lot. Value that; it’s priceless. It gives us such respect for everybody else. The reason clowns and slapstick comedians are so popular is that, if truth were known, we all see in them the parts of ourselves we try too hard to hide. When we take ourselves too seriously, we forget that the only thing we know for sure that’s eternal is God.

Making mistakes is part of the growth process. We must learn to be much gentler about this with other people. We must also learn to be gentler with ourselves. Otherwise what we expect of ourselves, we will expect of everybody else. And that can be tragic. For all of us.

Never be afraid to admit that you “don’t know” or “can’t find” or “couldn’t do” something. Our imperfections and inabilities are the only thing we have that give us the right to the support of the rest of the human race.

The gift of knowing what we lack is the gift we have to give to the abilities of others. As the Irish proverb says, “it is in the shelter of each other that the people live.”

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. or

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

 

Thank goodness there’s a name for this disorder.

Somehow I feel better even though I have it!

 

This is how it manifests:

 

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway,

I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

 

As I start toward the garage,

I notice mail on the porch table that

I brought up from the mailbox earlier.

 

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

 

I lay my car keys on the table,

Put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,

And notice that the can is full.

 

So, I decide to put the bills back

On the table and take out the garbage first.

 

But then I think,

Since I’m going to be near the mailbox

When I take out the garbage anyway,

I may as well pay the bills first.

 

I take my check book off the table,

And see that there is only one check left.

 

My extra checks are in my desk in the study,

So I go inside the house to my desk where

I find the can of Pepsi I’d been drinking

 

I’m going to look for my checks,

But first I need to push the Pepsi aside

So that I don’t accidentally knock it over.

 

The Pepsi is getting warm,

And I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

 

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,

A vase of flowers on the counter

Catches my eye — they need water.

 

I put the Pepsi on the counter and

Discover my reading glasses that

I’ve been searching for all morning.

 

I decide I better put them back on my desk,

But first I’m going to water the flowers.

 

I set the glasses back down on the counter,

Fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.

Someone left it on the kitchen table.

 

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,

I’ll be looking for the remote,

But I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table,

So I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,

But first I’ll water the flowers.

 

I pour some water in the flowers,

But quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

 

So, I set the remote back on the table,

Get some towels and wipe up the spill.

 

Then, I head down the hall trying to

Remember what I was planning to do.

 

At the end of the day:

The car isn’t washed

The bills aren’t paid

There is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter

The flowers don’t have enough water,

There is still only 1 check in my check book,

I can’t find the remote,

I can’t find my glasses,

And I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,

I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day,

And I’m really tired.

 

I realize this is a serious problem,

And I’ll try to get some help for it,

But first I’ll check my e-mail…

 

Do me a favor.

Forward this message to everyone you know,

Because I don’t remember who the hell I’ve sent it to.

 

 

– Sent in by the Queens in the New Bern, NC Queen Group 

Do feel free to send in links to articles that you would like me to share with our Queen readers.

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 Imagine a Woman

By Patricia Lynn Reilly

 

Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman.

A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories.

Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.

 

Imagine a woman who believes she is good.

A woman who trusts and respects herself.

Who listens to her needs and desires,

and meets them with tenderness and grace.

 

Imagine a woman who has acknowledged the past’s influence on the present.

A woman who has walked through her past.

Who has healed into the present.

 

Imagine a woman who authors her own life.

A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf.

Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and to her wisest voice.

 

Imagine a woman who names her own gods.

A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.

Who designs her own spirituality and allows it to inform her daily life.

 

Imagine a woman in love with her own body.

A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.

Who celebrates her body and its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

 

Imagine a woman who honors the face of the Goddess in her changing face.

A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.

Who refuses to use precious energy disguising the changes in her body and life.

 

Imagine a woman who values the women in her life.

A woman who sits in circles of women.

Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.

 

Imagine yourself as this woman.

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

I have taken this ongoing discussion about the definitions and descriptions of Queendom to The Queen of My Self Page on Facebook.

 

Q. What does being a Queen mean to you ?

A. As a little girl I wondered what it would be like to be a Queen, after reading The Queen of My Self I have a much deeper and broader understanding of just how good it is to be the Queen. Being a Queen is knowing yourself and loving yourself, so that you can move through your life with confidence and a sense of purpose. Not by any means a perfect state, it requires a willingness to learn, a willingness to dialog and more important to listen, to change when needs be. To value others and their ideas, but to know which ones are true for herself. To carry with you, in your heart, what time has shown and taught you. To love and live tolerance. And to understand that timeworn is not careworn. Being loyal and true to yourself, loving yourself is the root of selflessness, not selfishness.

– Lois, PA

 

A. Being a Queen is having enough life experience to truly know what I want, coupled with the motivation and ability to make it happen. Valuing myself enough to allow myself to expend time and resources on my own development. Realizing that doing these things will provide a role model for my 17-yr-old daughter as she enters adulthood.

– Cyndi, TX

 

A. A Queen is one who has the ability to show no mercy but decides on mercy and giving of blessings even though I have the ability to curse and hold back on those blessings. A queen must not look at things from only one point of view. She must be able to make judgment calls without malice. She must not think she is the most important. As a queen I realize that those who look up to me are far more important than they think they are.

– Karen, IN

 

A. A Queen rules her court with love, never fear.

Anne Marie, NM

 

A. A Queen believes in what she is doing without any doubt or fear:-

– Sanaz, Malaysia

 

A. I will be 47 this year. I have considered myself a Queen for many years. Queens know themselves completely, even the bad stuff. Queens are fully confident in their powers, boundaries, intuition, strengths, talents and feelings. However, I am also a mother to my six-year old daughter so I feel very much like a mother. So, I consider myself a Queen Mother, actually. I once read about a Polynesian culture whose ruler was a Queen Mother Who Sits on Her Golden Throne. That’s me! Yeah!

– Sheryll, CA

 

A. I just celebrated my 69th birthday on December 4th, so I guess I am a Queen!!! If being a Queen is part of your state-of-mind, then, Queen Donna, I too, am definitely a Queen, and I hope to remain one for many years.

– Debbie, OH

 

A. I thought about The Queen of My Self when during a yoga class we did the Queen pose. How appropriate that there is a Queen pose!

– Susan, CA

 

A. You were right when you wrote in The Queen of My Self, “there are no 10 easy steps to sovereignty.” Becoming the Queen of my own life has been the hardest thing I have ever done, and also the most rewarding. It seemed natural to love and honor my husband. It was easy to love and nurture my children. But it has been a struggle to come to love, honor and nurture myself. I am still working on it, and every day I feel more like a Queen.

– Queen Isabella, VA

 

A. I am a Queen. I now wear my crown. My thorns turn to jewels.

Thank you! I think I’ve been mostly missing the sovereignty aspect… getting it now though.

– Lisa, NY

 

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.