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The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

Happy Interdependence Day

posted by Donna Henes

 

I was recently invited to address a gathering of clergy who are being trained to serve as resident chaplains in the pastoral care department of a major urban medical center. Specifically, they asked me to present the shamanic point of view of team building with an emphasis on creating alliances and community.

What a fascinating assignment. I immediately sat myself down to give some serious thought to the substance of their request. After much rifling through of books and files as well as several sessions of deep meditation on the topic at hand, I realized that there is no such thing.

From a shamanic point of view (as well as quantum scientific thought) separation is a false concept. It is redundant to think of reaching out to build teams, alliances and communities, since we are already all connected, allied, joined together as one. The fact is there is no such thing as opposing sides.

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There is only one side: just us folks, all of us everywhere, trying to live life as best we can, much more alike than different. There is no us and them. There is only us. We — all of us who occupy this planet: organic and inorganic; living and not; past, present, and future —are the world.

We come from our Mother Earth and return to Her belly. We are made of the same substance as the sea, the soil, the stars. There are, and ever have been, only so many molecules in existence, and all the rest — birth, growth, death, decay, development, change, evolution, transformation — is really just about recycling.

We breathe the same air as our cave-dwelling ancestors, continually inhaling and exhaling, trading carbon dioxide and oxygen with our plant relatives untold billions of times over the millennia. And the same holds true for water. We drink the tears of crocodiles and elephants. We wash in the drainage of the ages. It rains, it pools, it evaporates. We drink, we pee. Again and again and again in a grand scale cosmic round robin.

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All borders and boundaries and separations are pure illusion. Each time we touch someone we leave some of our skin atoms behind and pick up a parcel of new ones in an intimate epidermal exchange. Thus we merge, quite literally becoming part of each other. I am you and you are me and we are we. We are all in this together, inextricably bound, riding on our beautiful blue planet through space and time. We are one team, one community, one world, one living, breathing entity. And the sooner we realize it, the happier, safer and saner we will be.

Today we are surrounded by artificial division, manipulated resentment and fear-mongered anxiety. The real dynamic being played out right now is not about conflicting religious, economic or nationalistic factions. It is not even about war. The struggle is actually between those who believe that the world is defined in terms of contrast, of black and white opposition — good or evil, right or wrong, war or peace, with us or against us — and those who are able to see things in a more harmonious, holistic and congruent manner.

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These are deciding times. It is imperative for those of us who perceive the big picture to make a concerted effort to reach out in ever-expanding circles of affinity, support, and empathetic embrace. Now is the time to create healthy, functioning networks in recognition and in honor of our mutual state of being and our common fate.

Let us come out of the cocoon closets of our isolated, separate selves and set our intentions on unity. Let us come together to make connections. To make friends. To make sense. To make art. To make amends. To make whoopy. To make time. To make magic. To make love. To make change. To make peace in our hearts and on the planet.

Let us project ourselves outward as cooperative partners; as interconnected members of our families, communities, species and world; as consciously coexistent inhabitants of our planet, and as conscientious co-creators of our combined future. Life on Earth depends upon our interdependent efforts.

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As Queens, it is incumbent upon us to step to conscientious leadership. We have the whole world in our very capable hands.

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™: http://www.donnahenes.net/queen/consult.shtml

***

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

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3 Love Poems

posted by Donna Henes

 

June is traditionally the month for weddings and it is also now celebrated as Gay Pride month. Love is in the air all around. This is a juicy time of making whoopy.

But while June is the jolly season for Brides and Grooms, Brides and Brides and Grooms and Grooms, it is important to remember that the most primary and important love is that of Self Love. All relationships are built on the respect, esteem and affection that we have for our self.

OK. So it is not June anymore. But it is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of sex, love and self-love until I run out of content!

 

I am as red, as beautiful as the rainbow.

Your heart has just been taken by me.

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Your blood has been taken by me.

Your flesh has been taken by me.

Your eyes have been taken by me.

Your saliva has been taken by me.

 

Your saliva and mine are one forever.

You are a wizard.

– Cherokee chant To Fix the Affections

***

Early morning dawning green.

Ah. . . is the willow so green?

In the green fields,

You gave me your love.

– Quecha song

***

You are the heaven and You are the earth,

You are the day and You are the night,

You are all pervading air,

You are the sacred offering of rice

and flowers and of water;

You are Yourself all in all,

What can I offer You?

– Lalla, 14th Century Kasmiri yogini

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*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™: http://www.donnahenes.net/queen/consult.shtml

***

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

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Self-Love: A Definition – Part 2

posted by Donna Henes

 

June is traditionally the month for weddings and it is also now celebrated as Gay Pride month. Love is in the air all around. This is a juicy time of making whoopy.

But while June is the jolly season for Brides and Grooms, Brides and Brides and Grooms and Grooms, it is important to remember that the most primary and important love is that of Self Love. All relationships are built on the respect, esteem and affection that we have for our self.

 

Self-Love: A Definition – Part 2

By Connie Barrett

Ego operates on the basis of fear. Ego says, “I am alone; I am separate from others. I am the only one who cares about me. There isn’t enough love in the world, and I will probably never have the love I need. I have a right to be angry, judgmental, and impatient. If I can’t have love I will take whatever substitutes are available: money, sex, drugs, power.”

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In a very real sense the “egotist” is an addict. An addict to chemical substances attempts to substitute artificial means of feeling happy, peaceful, excited about life for the authentic sense of well-being which comes from knowing oneself and seeking inner harmony on physical, emotional, mental and spiritual levels. An ego addict seeks approval from others as a substitute for doing the inner work needed for true self-acceptance and self-love.

The ego addict is trying to escape her own painful lack of self love, and asking others to say she’s lovable. Sadly, this kind of attempt usually backfires. Instead of earning approval, the person who must always talk about herself ultimately finds herself rejected. This makes her only more frantic for approval, and a cycle which is already self-defeating may become self-destructive.

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There are also closet egotists, and I was one for many years. Finally I realized I was resisting the urge to talk about myself, that in my heart I was as much an egotist as those loud-mouthed people I avoided. I was just very quiet about it, and bolstered my own sense of self-love and self-esteem with a feeling of superiority that I had the strength and good sense to resist offensive behavior.

Essentially, I was as dependent on the opinion of others as were the so-called egotists who advertised their need for attention and love.

Ultimately, we can spring free of the ego trap by understanding who we are as spiritual beings, by knowing we are both unique and part of a greater One.

Seth (as channeled by the late Jane Roberts) and other nonphysical guides offer an interpretation of what could be called the divine energy source (or divine love), describing it as the source of all consciousness, an energy which contains within itself every possibility for creative expression. This being appreciates its creations for their uniqueness, and knows that they in order to realize their full potential must be allowed to manifest as independent forms of consciousness.

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All living things are here to manifest our gifts in the realm of material existence. We are the children of a loving energy which desires only that we fulfill the dreams it has dreamed of us.

A crystal wouldn’t hide its rainbows, a flower wouldn’t refuse to blossom, and a cat wouldn’t halt in the midst of an acrobatic leap out of concern that others of its species might think it a showoff. When we humans are clear about the source of our own gifts, when we know that our purpose in expressing them isn’t ego gratification, but the manifestation of our soul’s purpose, we can be as free in our expression as any other creature.

When we are in full appreciation of ourselves we can respond more compassionately to those who are not. We can recognize the insecurity which lies beneath the words of people who must praise themselves, and feel the effort they are making to convince themselves that they’re worthy through convincing us. Instead of either judging them negatively for their way of being or feeding their habit through praise we can find ways of expressing appreciation for them for who they are, not for what they do.

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When we recognize that self-love honors ourselves and our spiritual source, we also realize that exercising our gifts is a generous act of sharing. We also discover that with this perspective we can honor the uniqueness of others and our connection to them.

Just as a lack of self-love has a vibration, so does unconditional self-love. It has a quiet, steady radiance, which draws others to its light.

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

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Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™: http://www.donnahenes.net/queen/consult.shtml

***

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

 

 

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Self-Love: A Definition – Part 1

posted by Donna Henes

 

June is traditionally the month for weddings and it is also now celebrated as Gay Pride month. Love is in the air all around. This is a juicy time of making whoopy.

But while June is the jolly season for Brides and Grooms, Brides and Brides and Grooms and Grooms, it is important to remember that the most primary and important love is that of Self Love. All relationships are built on the respect, esteem and affection that we have for our self.

 

Self-Love: A Definition – Part 1

By Connie Barrett

When asked to consider the question of self-love, many people ask, “Does loving myself unconditionally mean I have to love everything I’ve ever done?”

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No. Like you, I’ve done things of which I have been ashamed. However, when we love ourselves unconditionally we don’t dwell on these past events. We don’t make them the focus of how we see ourselves. When we can we correct them. We call them mistakes and learn from them so that we don’t do them again.

When we can be kind and forgiving in this way to ourselves we are better able to be that with others. Unconditional and forgiving self-love fosters unconditional and forgiving love of others.

How you feel about yourself has a lot to do with how others feel about you. Sometimes how people feel about themselves is obvious in their appearance. We may feel that someone who walks with a severe slump, or doesn’t meet our eyes, or speaks in a barely audible voice has a low opinion of herself.

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Some people speak their opinions of themselves. A person may say, “Well, I could never do that.” Or “I’ve never expected much from life” or “I gave up on relationships.”

Often, though, it’s not that clear. Many of us are good at presenting a positive persona (mask) to the world. Inside, though, we may be riddled with doubts about ourselves. We may be nervous about how our remarks or appearance are received. We may meet someone to whom we’re attracted and silently affirm that (s)he would never, NEVER be interested in us. This way we avoid the fear of rejection by not taking a risk.

When I was a child, a popular (although cruel) April Fool’s joke was to put a sign which read “Kick Me” on someone’s back. The emotions and beliefs we have about our lack of lovability are subtle signs which others read as “Don’t Love Me” or “Reject Me” or “Treat Me Badly.”

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In order to have loving relationships with others we must have loving relationships with ourselves. That’s the first step towards answering the questions in the meditation I’ve given you to use:

What would you do if you believed you were completely responsible for the presence of love in your life? What relationships would you heal? How would you act if you believed you were the source of love in any encounter? How would you change the way you treated yourself?

Many of us have the fear that the line between self-love and being considered a raving egomaniac is a very fine one.

We don’t like people who boast about themselves. We are very careful to be modest and self-effacing at every possible opportunity. We minimize our accomplishments. We believe people should love us for who we are, not for what we do.

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The difference between self-love and egotism can be made more clear if we take a deeper look at so-called egotism. The person who is constantly talking about himself is not someone who is filled with self-love. He is more likely someone whose inner well of self-love and self-esteem is empty. He feels the need to replenish it from outside sources.

Tomorrow: Self-Love: A Definition – Part 2

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

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Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™: http://www.donnahenes.net/queen/consult.shtml

***

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

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