Beliefnet
The Queen of My Self

January is Self-love month. And if it weren’t, I, Queen Mama Donna, would declare it so! So for the rest of the month I will focus on the ways that we can show love and support to ourselves.

There is only one person who is absolutely guaranteed to be with you loyally every day until you die. So you might as well live her! Will you join me in showering your Self with love starting right now?

 

A great way to pamper yourself with the attention and affection that we all crave — that we lavish on others, but never think to give to ourselves — is to have a love affair with your Self.

These exercises in Self-appreciation and devotion are not meant to seal yourself off from others forever, or to replace any current or future relationships, but to make sure that you do not get involved for the wrong reasons — out of fear or desperation.

You will emerge from these Self-love exercises with the secure knowledge that you are your own best lover. And when and if you choose, you are able to share that love with someone special, who will understand just how precious it is and return it in kind.

An affair with your Self enables you to know, own and honor yourself as a unique and individual entity. To admit your abilities and limitations, your talents and truculence on the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual planes, and love your Self unconditionally with compassion and no judgment attached.

Self-love is so important, because the only person who is guaranteed to be with you forever until the day you die is you.

Get to know your Self

  • Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, your fears and fantasies.
  • Spend some quality time alone together — just you, yourself and you.
  •  Turn off the computer, the phone, the fax, and the TV.
  • Put on your favorite music, or simply savor the silence.
  • Entertain a program of non-directed Self-discovery.
  • Stare out the window or into a candle flame or a mirror.
  • Clear your mind of inner chatter and let it wander where it will.

Take interest in your Self

  • Engage in projects of Self-expression in order to reconnect with your higher nature and your inner best Self.
  • Do an exercise tape.
  • Go for a run, walk, swim, or bike ride.
  • Read your Tarot cards. Consult the I Ching. Do yoga.
  • Meditate. Drum, chant, dance.
  • Write in your journal.
  • Transcribe your dreams.
  • Create an altar.
  • Paint a picture or your walls.
  • Sing silly songs.
  • Have a good cry.
  • Pound on pillows and scream.
  • Laugh out loud.

Please your Self

  • Work at establishing a warm, rich atmosphere for your own physical comfort and aesthetic enjoyment.
  • Indulge in a variety of sensory delights.
  • Surround yourself — your body, your home and to whatever degree possible, your office — with the colors, textures, sounds and smells that you love and that express your personality.
  • Light candles and incense.

Court your Self

  • Get all dressed up purely for the fun of it.
  • Take yourself on a dream date.
  • Go somewhere you have been meaning to go.
  • Do things that you love.
  • Buy yourself special treats.
  • Compliment yourself, applaud and appreciate your strength and your beauty.
  • Whisper sweet somethings in your ear.
  • Tickle your fancy.
  • Pull down the shades, turn off the lights and dance till you drop.
  • Massage your body with sweet oils.
  • Kiss yourself.
  • Make hot love to your Self.
  • Make yourself a marvelous breakfast in the morning.
  • Send yourself flowers with a note saying, “I love you.”

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

January is Self-love month. And if it weren’t, I, Queen Mama Donna, would declare it so! So for the rest of the month I will focus on the ways that we can show love and support to ourselves.

There is only one person who is absolutely guaranteed to be with you loyally every day until you die. So you might as well live her! Will you join me in showering your Self with love starting right now?

 

Everything worth having costs something, and the price of true love is self-knowledge. Becoming acquainted with yourself is a price well worth paying for the love that will really address your needs.

– Daphne Rose Kingma

 

Loving yourself…does not mean being self-absorbed or narcissistic, or disregarding others. Rather it means welcoming yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart, a guest worthy of respect, a lovable companion.

– Margo Anand

 

Life is swift and precious while it’s in our grasp. Loving yourself is such a small act of appreciation for the everlasting Love that breathed you into being and on whose wings you will be carried when it’s time to leave this life.

– Paula Reeves

 

It’s not your job to like me – it’s mine.

– Byron Katie

 

Getting ahead in a difficult profession requires avid faith in yourself. That is why some people with mediocre talent, but with great inner drive, go much further than people with vastly superior talent.

– Sophia Loren

 

I don’t like myself, I’m crazy about myself.

– Mae West

 

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.

– Lucille Ball

 

Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

– Veronica A. Shoffstall

 

Do you want to meet the love of your life? Look in the mirror.

– Byron Katie

 

If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.

– Barbara De Angelis

 

The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.

– Sonya Friedman

 

Love yourself instead of abusing yourself.

– Karolina Kurkova

 

To tell the truth is to become beautiful, to begin to love yourself, value yourself. And that’s political, in its most profound way.

– June Jordan

 

If you can learn to love yourself and all the flaws, you can love other people so much better. And that makes you so happy.

– Kristin Chenoweth

 

“We must not allow other people’s limited perceptions to define us”

“Love yourself first and everything falls into line.”

– Lucille Ball

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

 

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

January is Self-love month. And if it weren’t, I, Queen Mama Donna, would declare it so! So for the rest of the month I will focus on the ways that we can show love and support to ourselves.

There is only one person who is absolutely guaranteed to be with you loyally every day until you die. So you might as well live her! Will you join me in showering your Self with love starting right now?

 

Despite the rude awakenings, the unsettling physical and emotional chaos of midlife and all of its frightful, presumed ramifications, an amazing number of women find this stage to be the most personally fulfilling and satisfying of their lives so far.

A recent Gallup survey of women aged fifty to sixty-five revealed that fifty-one percent of them feel happier now than they have ever before. This compares to only ten percent who thought the happiest times in their lives were their twenties, seventeen percent who were happiest in their thirties, and sixteen percent who liked their forties best.

Just what are we to make of this apparent feeling among so many women that we believe ourselves to be better off once we have lost possession of the very characteristics and trappings that society seems to value most in us — our sexual allure and childbearing capabilities?

We have lost our youthful looks and stamina. We have lost some vision, some hearing, some memory. We have lost the pigment in our hair and the elasticity in our skin. We are also losing our battle against gravity and the advancement of time.

We have lost the children we raised and we have lost our chance to have the children that we didn’t have. We also stand to lose our parents, our old friends, our spouses. We are in danger of losing our time left on the job, our visibility and our very lives.

So how does it compute that even while we are mired in loss, we have never been happier?

Because we have discovered that we actually like who we have become!

We Queens have taken on the challenge of change, and with our eyes wide open we have engaged in the daunting process of learning who we are now and who we choose to become. It is important to us to know that our thoughts and feelings count, that our work and interests are meaningful, and that we, ourselves, matter. Our growing Self-confidence propelled us to reach for and attain our own authentic personal power.

We have come a long way and it has been quite a journey. We have dreamed the dream and done the work, and walked the long, long highway. We have struggled to discover, comfort, cosset, encourage and change our Selves. Now, finally, gloriously, joyfully, we have arrived at our destination. The station of our authentic sovereignty. And don’t it feel grand?

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

 

 

January is Self-love month. And if it weren’t, I, Queen Mama Donna, would declare it so! So for the rest of the month I will focus on the ways that we can show love and support to ourselves.

There is only one person who is absolutely guaranteed to be with you loyally every day until you die. So you might as well live her! Will you join me in showering your Self with love starting right now?

 

Time spent in the bath, with a good book, exercising, and even doing domestic routines, can feel like holy rites of devotion if we perform them with the focused intention of Self-care and love. Our concentration = consecration. Meals, for instance can certainly be something more than the mere rushed intake of calories, nutrients, television news, and family bickering. A normal supper can be one of life’s most agreeable ceremonies if we establish a comfortable, leisurely, aesthetic, emotionally safe environment in which to enjoy food and convivial company even — especially — if it is “only” our own.

When is the last time someone cooked a special meal for you? When is the last time you cooked a special meal especially for yourself? What are you waiting for?

If you are never alone at dinnertime, do lunch. Or brunch, or breakfast, or high tea, or a midnight snack

Create an out-of-the-ordinary menu that might include your favorite culinary treats, or foods that you have always meant to try. Or you may want to create a fantasy feast or recreate a memorable meal from your childhood, from your travels to exotic places, or from your favorite book.

Cook with the intention to nourish and please yourself, purposefully infusing the food with love, just as you would in anticipation of any honored guest.

Set your table with all of the special things that you love, but never use. Enjoy your grandmother’s plate or vase, cloth napkins, and your good stemware.

Create a centerpiece that honors and celebrates you. Have fresh flowers or foliage or your favorite houseplant. Set out some of your amulets or holy items that represent your intention to treat your Self well. Light candles to ignite your intention.

Pour a libation of wine or ice tea and offer a toast to you, your health, your happiness, your life.

Don’t forget to say grace. Bless your Self and your bountiful blessings.

Serve your Self.

 

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.