Beliefnet
The Queen of My Self

It is so damn easy to feel depressed, frustrated and disillusioned right now. In light of the widespread oppression, manipulation, intimidation that surrounds us today, we need to say something. There are signs everywhere in the subways of New York City that say, “If you see something, say something.”

We Queens see quite clearly the ills of the world — the degradation of our environment, the subjugation and brutalization of women, the starvation of children, the abuses perpetrated by corporate thieves and political bullies, the tyranny of terrorism, the hatred and fighting among peoples, tribes, cultures. Poverty, hunger, bigotry.

We see it all. And we are called upon to respond. We most certainly need to say something. And say it clearly, loudly and with the full weight of our moral authority.

We need, in fact, to talk to everyone we meet, actually engage on a human level with those who we encounter as we make it through our day. Not just our families, friends and colleagues — those of presumed like-minds — but also the shoe repair guy, the waitress at the coffee shop, the post office clerk, the bag girl at the super market.

I once gave a presentation in Washington, D.C. about creating peace in our world and in our lives. During the question and answer period, a woman commented that she wished that she could drop her job and just devote herself to working for peace.” “What do you do?” I asked her. “I’m a therapist,” she replied. She surely has many opportunities every day to create peace and positive change in her professional capacity.

Some might argue that we don’t have any choice in this upside down dangerous world and that we can’t affect what will happen. But even if we can’t immediately alter the course of human events on the world stage, we can certainly create change in our own lives and in all of the lives that we touch. And our thoughts are the seeds of that change.

Use your thoughts wisely. Understand their power. Thoughts have a tendency to become their physical equivalent. This is one of the fundamental laws of the universe… Because it is consciousness that creates reality, the kind of consciousness you hold — your vibration — actually creates the kind of life you’re living.

– Dr. Christiane Northrup

Thoughts become words. Spoken or written words have the power to inform, inspire and transform. What we all have to do from now on is to stay alert, stay centered, keep connected and most important of all, keep talking. Talking, writing, protesting keeps the light of truth and tolerance shining upon the hidden agendas of governments, industries, institutions and individuals. Silence, like the dark of night, shelters nefarious deeds. Silence forgives violence.

I have been haunted recently by the words written by a Protestant minister after the downfall of the Nazi regime. “First they came for the gays. I am not gay, so I didn’t say anything. Then they came for the Gypsies. I am not a Gypsy, so I didn’t say anything. Then they came for the Jews. I am not a Jew, so I didn’t say anything. Then they came for the Catholics. I am not a Catholic, so I didn’t say anything. When they finally came for me, there was no one left to say anything.”

 

Be bold.

Make a statement.

Make a stand.

Make a difference.

Buck up and say what is on your mind. The more you do so, the more empowered you will feel.

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 


Here are some words of Self-wisdom by some very wise women:

“We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be.”

– Jane Austen

 

“Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgement. And you can see forever.”

– Nancy Kerrigan

 

“It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.”

– Sally Field

 

“Falling, falling, falling, falling down. Look yourself in the eye before you drown.”

– Emily Saliers, Indigo Girls

 

“Our goal while on this earth is to transcend our illusions and discover the innate power of our spirit.”

– Caroline Myss

 

The authentic self is the soul made visible.

– Sarah Ban Breathnach

 

“In our natural state, we are glorious beings. In the world of illusion, we are lost and imprisoned, slaves to our appetites and our will to false power.”

– Marianne Williamson

 

“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.”

– Virginia Woolf

 

“Every problem can be solved with the proper application of the means at hand. Maybe not easily, happily, cheaply or painlessly – but it can be done if you have the will; you already have the means – yourself!” ~ Joanne Siewert

 

“It is easier to live through someone else than to become complete yourself.”

-Betty Friedan

 

“I didn’t leave Sonny for another man. I left for another woman. Me.”

– Cher

 

“The bright shining

only reflects back to myself,

my own light blinding me.

I can’t see the world and they can’t see me.”

– Anna Chrisrest,

 

“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”

– Judy Garland

 

“Since you are like no other being ever created since the beginning of time, you are incomparable.”

– Brenda Uleland

 

“At some point in my life, I swallowed a Sun. And now it dawns and sets in my belly.”

– Erika Harris,

 

“My heart filled with love, flowing over with joy, my own little drum that I like to march by!”

Gunda Fijnje-Nolan

 

“I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am.”

– Sylvia Plath

 

 

What us your experience of your Self? How would you describe it?

 

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

Like the excellent mother, creator, organizer, administrator, mentor you are, be patient with yourself. Change is slow and you are human.

Think about your daily habits. Are they healthy? Are they helpful? What improvements might you make in your diet, your exercise program, your work environment, your family life, your friendships, your thought patterns, or in other aspects of your routine to improve your well-being?

If you decide to make changes in your life, be realistic in your expectations. Your goal is not to be as you were at thirty. It is to be your best Self today and tomorrow.

Adopt the changes you decide on with your full intention and focused attention. If you want a certain result, you must work to actualize it. I know. Sad, but true!

Think about caring for yourself as an act of love, rather than an odious duty. Isn’t that how you care for others? Attitude is all. Your self-care is, after all, strictly a gift you are giving to your Self. You know how to nurture. Now it is your turn to receive it.

Take Good Care:

•    Eat well — not too much, not too little — and allow yourself to take pleasure in your food. Feed your body with nutrients and your soul with color, taste and sensory delight.

•    Sleep well. Sleep enough. Then sleep some more. Nap if you can.

•    Exercise your body and your mind. And also your creativity, your intuition, your sense of adventure and the full scope of your options.

•    Oil your rusty parts. Water what is dry. Polish your surfaces. Stretch your body, your imagination and your self-imposed limits. Tickle your fancy.

•    Don’t worry about the future. Worrying is like praying for what you don’t want. Let go of past resentments. Be here now. Take it all in and remember to exhale.

•    Do things you enjoy. Have some fun. Play. Laugh. Be silly.

•    Treat yourself with respect and honor. Watch your inner language. Support your dreams, encourage your goals, allow yourself to be proud of your achievements. Bless your Self.

•    Mark your boundaries and don’t be afraid to defend them. Honor your needs. Fulfill your desires. Give yourself the time, the space and the permission to do so.

•    Advocate for your ideals. Stand up for what you believe. Speak your truth. Walk your talk. Put your money where your mouth is.

•    Make every thought, every word, every action, every second count. This is your life!

 

I have a simple philosophy. Fill what’s empty.

Empty what’s full. And scratch where it itches.

– Alice Roosevelt Longworth

 

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

 

A new year is a new start and so many of us resolve to make healthy changes in our daily lives. But so often these resolutions are goals having to do with what we know we should do. And soon our best intentions are turned against us, as we flog ourselves for slipping back into bad patterns.

Instead, this year let us simply resolve to love ourselves. Not to make ourselves do anything, but just to open to receive that love.

Let us be kind and caring with ourselves. Care for ourselves in the most supportive and positive manner. Not because we should, but because we deserve to treat ourselves with the same nurturing concern and affection as we show to everyone else in our lives.

We are now emerging from decades of caring for others, and many of us are at a total loss as to how to care for ourselves. It is crucial that we redirect back into ourselves some of the love and strength that we give so freely to others.

By middle age, most of us have lost already, or will soon lose, our parents, perhaps even our spouses, best friends and significant others. Who will mother us now? Who will take care of us, or more important, maybe, who will even care whether we take care of ourselves?

Now is the time for us to learn how to be our own caring best friend, sister, daughter, mother and devoted advocate. And this is our chance to be the sort of parent that we always wanted — for me it was the cheerful, optimistic, fun-loving Mary Poppins that my little girl-Self needed so badly.

But whatever our childhood was like, that was then and this is now. Now, we can give ourselves the unconditional love and support that we had or did not have as we were growing up. We can and must assume the responsibility to feed, nurture, encourage and comfort ourselves, to pamper and challenge ourselves, to whisper into our own ear each night as we slip off to sleep, “Good night, honey. I love you.”

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.