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The Queen of My Self

 

Mid Life Crisis: What is it? Is it inevitable? Is it even a real phenomenon? Or is it an invention of the media — that is, corporate advertising trying to sell us things we don’t need? (Not only do we not need these cosmetic and quasi-medical accoutrements, they are downright insulting and sometimes even dangerous.)

I have been inundated lately by articles, poems, and stories about the so-called “Midlife Crisis.” Clearly it is a subject very much on the minds of many, many women. The writings that I have been sharing with you cover the gamut of opinions, ideas, and suggestions about coping with a Midlife Crisis, ours or someone else’s. I offer them up to you to for your interest and edification.

As always, I invite you to send me your stories — experiences, advice, and inspiration to share with our community of Midlife Queens. And special thanks to all oof you who have shared their ideas, research, and creativity with us.

Midlife Crisis or Midlife Consciousness? You choose!

xxQueen Mama Donna

 

Women in the 45- to 55-year old age group — the largest demographic in the U.S. today.

Gail Sheehy, a journalist and the author of  the ’70s best-seller Passages, told ABC News that this group was in particular crisis.

“This generation of women at midlife has a lower level of well-being than any other generation,” Sheehy told ABC News. “It’s always been that [when] women got to their 40s and 50s, they were happier than at any other time in their lives. This generation is the most stressed and distressed.”

USA Today asked Gallup-Healthways to identify what contributed to well-being in the midlife age group.

In addition to a good marriage, a strong support network of friends and a positive attitude is important. Gallup-Healthways found that having a career and finding a good work-life balance also helped.

Pollsters said that many women at this midlife stage still worked full-time.

Gallup-Healthways’ data also found that having a flexible work schedule and a short commute was also important for happiness in  the 45-55 age group.

Healthways shared these three general tips to improve your well-being:

  • Take 3 deep breaths: Doing abdominal breathing exercises in stressful situations — or twice a day — can help relieve your tension and make you feel more calm.
  • Picture yourself in 6 months: Big resolutions can fail because they’re too unrealistic or vague. Small actions can make an impact if they’re a priority and you take daily steps to reach them.
  • Create a gratitude list:  Taking the time to regularly count your blessings by writing them down is a happiness booster and can improve physical health and raise energy levels

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

Mid Life Crisis: What is it? Is it inevitable? Is it even a real phenomenon? Or is it an invention of the media — that is, corporate advertising trying to sell us things we don’t need? (Not only do we not need these cosmetic and quasi-medical accoutrements, they are downright insulting and sometimes even dangerous.)

I have been inundated lately by articles, poems, and stories about the so-called “Midlife Crisis.” Clearly it is a subject very much on the minds of many, many women. The writings that I have been sharing with you cover the gamut of opinions, ideas, and suggestions about coping with a Midlife Crisis, ours or someone else’s. I offer them up to you to for your interest and edification.

As always, I invite you to send me your stories — experiences, advice, and inspiration to share with our community of Midlife Queens. And special thanks to all oof you who have shared their ideas, research, and creativity with us.

Midlife Crisis or Midlife Consciousness? You choose!

xxQueen Mama Donna

Unfinished

By Suzanne Gravelle 

Two years before my youngest child was ready to move from home, I started to make plans for myself and they were exciting plans. I was a single parent and had been for most of my 30 years of raising children and I was looking forward to being young and empty nesting. Oh the wonderful, fun, sexy life I was going to have!

I didn’t think I would be single when I got to this age, I had the pretty picture of a loving relationship where the two of us would celebrate our freedom after surviving raising children. It was not that way and I was shocked! Time had slipped away.

Now I was 50 years old, still single and coming through the most devastating, painful life transition imaginable…to me. After all, it makes no difference what has caused our pain, when it is happening to us it is hard to imagine anyone has hurt as much as we have.

The impression friends and family had of me, was the woman who could fix anything, take care of everyone and did it well and I was that woman. There was no time not to be that woman, plus who else would do it?

Three years earlier when my world started to fall apart – I fell with it. I could not get myself back up off the floor and it was a shock to everyone around me including myself. Being a woman who liked to get all the obligatory things done so I can do what I wanted, suddenly being unable to do this was embarrassing to me. The feelings of unexplainable fear, self-doubt and insecurities quickly turned into self loathing because of all the other feelings. It was a vicious cycle that forced me to make drastic changes in my life if I would ever have control of my senses again. I wanted to do this quickly so I could get back to the fun sexy life I was looking forward to.

The only way I could see my way clear to do this without involving my family and friends in my drama, was for me to leave. So I sold my home, put my important material stuff into storage, packed a few bags and drove away… alone. Seventeen months and 60,000km later and I have finally started to see and feel the results of my healing.

I am still on this self-imposed exiled journey. During this time, I have spoken with so many people who wish they could pack it all in, run away and start over. But I warn them to, “be careful what you wish for” because as we know, the Universe has a way of bringing to fruition what we dwell on, good or bad so make sure your thoughts and wishes are positive.

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

 

Mid Life Crisis: What is it? Is it inevitable? Is it even a real phenomenon? Or is it an invention of the media — that is, corporate advertising trying to sell us things we don’t need? (Not only do we not need these cosmetic and quasi-medical accoutrements, they are downright insulting and sometimes even dangerous.)

I have been inundated lately by articles, poems, and stories about the so-called “Midlife Crisis.” Clearly it is a subject very much on the minds of many, many women. The writings that I have been sharing with you cover the gamut of opinions, ideas, and suggestions about coping with a Midlife Crisis, ours or someone else’s. I offer them up to you to for your interest and edification.

As always, I invite you to send me your stories — experiences, advice, and inspiration to share with our community of Midlife Queens. And special thanks to all oof you who have shared their ideas, research, and creativity with us.

Midlife Crisis or Midlife Consciousness? You choose!

xxQueen Mama Donna

 

Female Midlife Crisis or Midlife Alarm Call? –Part 2

By Gill Warren, England

What are the symptoms of Female Midlife Crisis?

Do you:

Feel overwhelmed with life and everything you have to do?

Feel exhausted or depressed, or resigned and bored?

Question the purpose of your life and what you want to do with it?

Feel angry and irritable with injustices?

Worry you have so little time left and you haven’t really done what you want to do in life?

Overeat, drink too much or pursue other compulsive behaviours?

Completely change your look and lifestyle?

Start an affair with someone much younger than you?

Feel a drop in libido and worry about the changes in your body (especially if your children are really beginning to blossom sexually)?

Welcome… you are probably facing your midlife crisis!

Fortunately, we live in times of opportunity (in the first world any way).

We can use the midlife crisis to reevaluate our lives for the better and really enter a time a glorious midlife.

7 Tips to Survive Female Midlife Crisis and Thrive

  • Exercise regularly by doing something you enjoy doing so that it doesn’t feel a chore. Exercise not only helps us to look better we actually feel more energised afterwards. I know friends who have taken up the following in midlife: ballroom dancing, pole dancing, tantric yoga, tai chi, running, Nordic walking, Latin dancing and they love it and have met new and interesting people through it.
  • Write a list of 50 things you want to do be or have before you die. I have to say that I have done this exercise on an occasional basis since my early twenties and I have noticed a shift. Initially the list was about things I wanted to own, in my thirties the list mainly comprised experiences I wanted to do and more recently the list is much more about who I am and who I want to be.
  • Spend time and effort going for the look that you want, experiment with a different wardrobe or hairstyle and adopt one that makes you feel more glamorous and good about yourself.
  • Bored in your relationship? Go away for romantic weekends, or instead of anticipating a certain answer and response, really listen to what they have to say and what they want to do. Go out and do different things together. Be more loving and caring. Be clear about your needs and the support that you want, even if that includes more self-determination and be more assertive about what works for you.
  • Be creative. Learn the piano or paint or do sculpture or go on a cookery course. The key with this is to find a new outlet for you where you feel you lose all sense of place and time and are absorbed and challenged so that you feel you are expanding yourself and your horizons.
  • Check in with your friends. Discuss with them what you are facing… they may be feeling the same. There are also support groups where you can listen to and support each other.
  • Reinvent a different possibility for your life that is empowering and engaging and then take actions that are consistent with that new possibility.

If you feel you are facing a midlife crisis, rather than dread it, use it as an alarm call to really reassess and create the glorious midlife you desire.

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

 The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

 

 

Mid Life Crisis: What is it? Is it inevitable? Is it even a real phenomenon? Or is it an invention of the media — that is, corporate advertising trying to sell us things we don’t need? (Not only do we not need these cosmetic and quasi-medical accoutrements, they are downright insulting and sometimes even dangerous.)

I have been inundated lately by articles, poems, and stories about the so-called “Midlife Crisis.” Clearly it is a subject very much on the minds of many, many women. The writings that I have been sharing with you cover the gamut of opinions, ideas, and suggestions about coping with a Midlife Crisis, ours or someone else’s. I offer them up to you to for your interest and edification.

As always, I invite you to send me your stories — experiences, advice, and inspiration to share with our community of Midlife Queens. And special thanks to all oof you who have shared their ideas, research, and creativity with us.

Midlife Crisis or Midlife Consciousness? You choose!

xxQueen Mama Donna

 

Female Midlife Crisis or Midlife Alarm Call? – Part 1

By Gill Warren, England

Got a female midlife crisis on your hands? Enjoy it!

Do you no longer feel satisfied with the life you are living? Are you really doing want you want to in life? What is missing? If you are a  woman having a midlife crisis don’t ignore the alarm call. It is saying wake up and smell the coffee.

What is a female midlife crisis?

On average women are living 8 years longer than they did in the early 1900s.  Our midlife crisis is different from our mother’s.  The culture has changed from one of stay at home mothers, looking after the children and having little or no financial freedom or independence to us as likely as not being divorced, having worked outside the home for most of our careers. When the children leave home we may be looking for something different in life. Even without children we may feel that we no longer want to do the long commute or be expected to keep up with the youngsters at the office. Also as our parents become more elderly and frail we realise we need to make a change as we shhift from being the youthful generation to the middle generation.

Your midlife crisis is the perfect time to reassess our lives, what gives us a sense of identity, then make changes that lead to a more fulfilled and happier life.

If you are reading this you are probably looking for a change. Take this as an opportunity to completely reassess what you want from life.

Female versus Male Midlife Crisis

For men their midlife crisis often revolves around their perceived drop in potency, either physical strength or reaching the pinnacle of their career and realising they still have some fifteen years of work to go and how do they deal with that drop in status? As a general rule men will look outside themselves in  a midlife crisis, the proverbial motorbike or sports car or taking of a younger mistress. For women we will generally look inside ourselves, particularly if we have devoted the whole of our lives to date in the service of others.

Tomorrow: Female Midlife Crisis or Midlife Alarm Call? –Part 2

*****

Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.