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The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

Self-Love Cleanse: Loving the Inner Mean Girl

posted by Donna Henes

 

Here is some wisdom about learning to love your Self that was written by a junior at Mills College. Bless her heart for trying to learn at such a tender age what many women are still struggling with in their mature years. She is certainly a Queen-to-be!

Self-Love Cleanse: Loving the Inner Mean Girl
By Tymeesa Rutledge

This post will discuss the importance of having the relationship with oneself. A self-love journey is about loving myself for all of the insecurities and flaws I have.

I never thought about my negative voice being my “inner mean girl.” But, that’s definitely what she is. A total mean girl! She constantly tells me I won’t finish my homework on time, that I’ll never have a “good boyfriend” or be a “good friend” because I didn’t deserve any of it.

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While all of us has an inner mean girl, the manifestation is a little different for everyone. Sometimes there are “inner mean sisters” thriving inside you — six of them in total. Maybe you have the mean girl that tells you “You got an ‘A-’ when you should have gotten an ‘A.’” Christine likes to call her the “achievement junkie” because nothing she ever achieves is good enough.

Or, maybe she or her sister’s the “comparison queen.” You know, that mean girl that tells you “You’ve been on television when you were 21. Big deal! Oprah has been on television since she was only 20.”

Whatever your inner mean girl says to you, her words come from a place of past hurt. Maybe, like me, you’ve been disappointed in past relationships with ex-partners. Maybe you’re still carrying baggage that needs to be dropped off at your local UPS storage that you can come and visit whenever you like versus being the hoarding “bag lady.”

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If you have any of these mean girls or their sisters Judy Jealousy, Heather the Hater, etc., you can join me in the Self-Love Cleanse.

The Self-Love Cleanse is a 40-day journey in which you commit yourself to loving YOU.

When my inner mean girl says “Tymeesa, you’ll never do that” or “you’re not organized enough,” I tell her that I love her and ask myself “What am I afraid of?” The Self-Love Cleanse is a personalized journey. You can choose and make up whatever works for you.

Like I mentioned earlier, I’ve been disappointed many times in my life by family, friends, boyfriends — you name it! But, my inner mean girl doesn’t want me to get hurt again. As a defense mechanism, she says mean things out of fear or insecurity. I understand where she is coming from. So instead of hating her, I will love her.

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The self-love cleanse can be done for yourself as well. It’s a daily battle. It’s moment by moment. Situation by situation, girl.

Self-Love Cleanse: 10 Things to Do for the Next 40 Days

1. Write 108 things that you like about yourself.

2. Start your morning with gratitude. Look out the window and admire nature.

3. Talk to her (the inner self) in the morning. Tell her that you love her. Then, take that inner pause.

For the last week, I’ve been saying “I love you Tymeesa” three times every morning.

4. When people compliment you, accept the compliment and build a conversation around it. Really receive it! You’re not a bad person acknowledging that you’re cool.

5. Appreciate all of the things you have –- whether it’s your friendships, food, water, shelter, etc.

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6. Drink a cup of tea to relax your soul in the morning. Tea really relaxes me so I start my day in a good state.

7. I write a morning prayer in my journal and thank God for what he’s done for me. If you pray or meditate, take the word “more” out of it.

For example: Instead of asking “God, let me be more loving,” ask God to continue to allow you “to be loving.” You are accepting yourself as you are right now.

8. During the day — lunch, mid-day or afternoon — celebrate 3-5 things that you’ve done so far. You will be surprised at how much you accomplish.

9. Be present.

I have a problem with this one because I’m always thinking in the past or future. But, I have to appreciate the moment. Why? If your mindset is in the past, you’ll be overcome with regret and if you’re thinking too much about the future, anxiety will consume you.

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10. Because those are not positive feelings, you should let them go!

Good luck.

And good luck to you, Tymessa, you are well on your way to an excellent Self-esteem!

 

* Please send me your thoughts about power. Also stories of your own empowerment. When shared, these ideas and examples are extremely inspiring to others. Thanks.

***
The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

CONSULT THE MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™
Queen Mama Donna offers upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

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Walk for Water

posted by Donna Henes

 

I just returned from Neversink, NY where I was honored to offer blessings for the lovely Walk for Water ritual political pilgrimage oranized by Queen Chrys Countryman.
Here is a description of the project in her own words:

Walk for Water
by Chrys Countryman

A new process for extracting natural gas from the earth, called fracking, makes the beautiful area in which we live attractive to mining companies. Unfortunately there appears to be serious consequences to the environment both above and below ground with this technology.

We are fortunate and grateful to live in a region of abundant water. To allow this enduring and essential resource to be squandered in exchange for short-term benefits is madness. The quality of life we leave behind is our legacy to future generations. Without clean water there is no quality of life. Therefore we are moved to put one foot in front of another to illustrate our concerns.

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In response to this outrage, I have organized a group of women to walk approximately 90 miles from Neversink, NY to Salt Springs State Park in Susquehanna County PA, carrying clean fresh water from the Neversink Reservoir to the area of polluted ground water from fracking.

The participants come from all over New York and Pennsylvania. We are walking with our beautiful handmade pottery water vessel, the Amphora, from Sunday, April 17 until Saturday, April 23. We call our action “Walk About Water.” We are doing this in response to the threat to drinking water posed by mining for fossil fuels.

While the argument about mining rages on, we must do what we can to hold our communities together and to help make sound choices for the future as well as for today. We insist that the priorities of public health and quality of life have an appropriate place in decisions being made that will have an effect on everyone. We cannot be expected to sit still in the face of policies that demand we exchange our great-grandchildren’s future access to clean water for something as temporary as gas or money.

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Our walk is intended to bring attention to the importance water has in all of our lives. We also seek to accentuate the commonality all people have when it comes down to basics, and to foster an understanding that we can, indeed, work together to honor that which we all need, love and cherish.

For the latest information about the walk and to view a program of events. please visit www.walkaboutwater.blogspot.com

We are deeply grateful for the opportunity to do this and for the support that has been so generously offered to us at every turn. Our opening event to send us off on the walk will be beautiful with music, wisdom and blessings from our dear Queen Mama Donna. All are welcome to attend. We will begin April 17 at 9:00 am on Aden Road in Neversink, NY about 1 mile from Route 55 where the water comes near the road.

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We ask people who may rally with us to please carry pitchers and teapots, buckets, tin cups and watering cans as a powerful demonstration of our universal need for water.

This project was organized by a Queen and all the walkers are women of a certain age. It was a proud moment to watch them leave the blessing ceremony and start their walk. I watched them walk away until they were out of sight. They walked 18 miles yesterday and all through the day I thought of them. Where were they now? How were they holding up? What are they thinking?

Please join me in sending them positive energy and gratitude this week.

* Please send me your thoughts about power. Also stories of your own empowerment. When shared, these ideas and examples are extremely inspiring to others. Thanks.

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***
The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

CONSULT THE MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™
Queen Mama Donna offers upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

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Power Words From the Wise

posted by Donna Henes

Just don’t give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don’t think you can go wrong.
–  Ella Fitzgerald

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.
– Anais Nin

Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.
– Harriet Beecher Stowe

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
– Eleanor Roosevelt

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
– Roseanne Barr

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A woman is like a tea bag.  It’s only when she’s in hot water that you realize how strong she is.
– Eleanor Roosevelt

Woman must not accept; she must challenge. She must not be awed by that which has been built up around her; she must reverence that woman in her which struggles for expression.
– Margaret Sanger

Courage is like a muscle.
We strengthen it with use.
– Ruth Gordon

 

* Please send me your thoughts about power. Also stories of your own empowerment. When shared, these ideas and examples are extremely inspiring to others. Thanks.

***
The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

CONSULT THE MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™
Queen Mama Donna offers upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

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Learning to Approve of Me

posted by Donna Henes

Here is another inspiring story of empowerment sent in by a sister Queen reader. Thanks to all of you who are willing to share your experiences of personal empowerment. Please do keep them coming.

Learning to Approve of Me
By Joyce Rothman

LESSONS FROM CANCER: Making Sense of it All

Low self esteem and the desperate need for approval has plagued me since childhood. Never thinking I was enough, surely everyone else knew better than me what I should do or how I needed to act. Or so I thought.

It took cancer to change my perspective and now my decisions are less often based on what other people think.  Living life with this diagnosis has resulted in knowing and trusting myself so much more. With trust comes self confidence and the strength to reject another’s negative judgment.  I see myself in a new brighter light that I can now turn on without first needing to wait for someone else’s approval.

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I never would have thought that cancer would empower me to live my life in a way that takes a lot of angst away. I realize that it is mine to learn from and make decisions for, not anyone else’s; as much as they are to live their own and do the same. Besides, how could I know what is best for another when I’ve not had their unique experience? Even though there is much in common that we do share, we are each our own person. I find that I’m getting much better at learning to not judge others too and these are truly gifts of the highest kind.

Surprisingly, cancer is giving me freedom from self-doubt and fear and blessing me with self-confidence and contentment. It lets me be me so I can finally live as I choose. It occurs to me that I am actually learning how to complete myself and it feels pretty good.

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Facing a major illness separates much of the small stuff from what is truly important I’m getting the courage to stand up for what I believe is right for me. I’m also living more into the moment because I know that if I’m thinking about the future, I miss out on enjoying what I do have now.  Yes, it is amazing that cancer is giving me such important life lessons and allowing me to live with more self-love and authenticity than I ever thought possible. For this, I am so very grateful.

* Please send me your thoughts about power. Also stories of your own empowerment. When shared, these ideas and examples are extremely inspiring to others. Thanks.

***
The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

CONSULT THE MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™
Queen Mama Donna offers upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

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