The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

I Just Stood Up for Myself

posted by Donna Henes

Here is a response to my request for empowerment stories. Thank you, Mambo Queen, for your candor and your courage. Good for you!
 
I Just Stood Up for Myself…And It Feels Good
By Mambo Queen
 
My ex-husband has been putting the full-court press on me to get back with him ever since he went to rehab. Since he’s been out, he’s been living in a sober house, and has about 90 days sober today. It’s always been more difficult for me to deal with him in times like this though, because I feel like I have to be “encouraging” and “supportive” and it sometimes causes me to not be as firm with my boundaries.

I’ve had to talk with him sometimes regarding business, and sometimes I have returned calls just to “be nice” or to “be a friend to him while he’s trying.” Frankly, I shouldn’t even put that last in quotes, because I would like to just be A FRIEND to him, but I’ve known for a while that he always misconstrues my niceness, and never seems to listen to me when I tell him that I’m in a relationship and don’t want to get back together with him.

Well, today he told me in no uncertain terms that since he can’t seem to find a job, he’s going to “go homeless” after two weeks, in a last ditch effort to prove to me that he can’t live without me. So he will do this to test me and see how much I do or do not care about him. He also said that he could tell I didn’t care if he lived or died, so maybe he would just die.

I told him I refused to be his prisoner any longer. I told him he has continued to make me feel trapped and like I am not free to live my life or choose who I am romantically involved with, because I have been so afraid that he would do something stupid, but that I wasn’t going to be a victim of that behavior anymore.

I told him that I did care about him and what happened to him, but that if he was foolish enough to choose homelessness or death because he couldn’t be with me, that I refused to believe for a second longer that that was in any way my fault.

When he asked how I knew for sure I would never want to be with him again, even if he continued to change, I told him that sometimes love dies, and that while I couldn’t predict the future, the fact that my love had not revived in over two years should be a sign to him that it wasn’t coming back, as it was to me.

I told him that one thing I have learned about myself in all of this is that when someone punches me in the face, it does tend to make me lose romantic love for them. He said he can’t believe I can’t forgive him for that. I said I have forgiven you. That is why I want to be your friend. That is why I will allow you around our daughter, because you are sober. That does not mean I want to be your wife or your girlfriend.

He said our daughter needs us to raise her together. I said if you continue to stay sober, I would be happy to be a co-parent with you, but you have never seemed to want that, only me. So that part is up to you.

I feel a little bit scared, a little bit sad. But mainly, I feel GOOD.

* Please send me your thoughts about power. Also stories of your own empowerment. When shared, these ideas and examples are extremely inspiring to others. Thanks.
   
***
The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

CONSULT THE MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™
Queen Mama Donna offers upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

Hell In Paradise

posted by Donna Henes

Hell In Paradise
By Yoko Ono
 
This is hell in paradise,
We’re all asleep or paralyzed.
Why are we scared to verbalize
Our multicolor dreams?

When will we come to realize,
We’re all stoned or pacified,
While the boogie men organize
Their multilevel schemes?

Underqualified for love,
Overqualified for life,
Sticking our heads in slime,
Thinking we’re in our prime.

Mesmerized by mythology,
Hypnotized by ideology,
Antagonized by reality,
Vandalized by insanity,
Desensitized by fraternity,
Sanitized by policy,
Jeopardized by lunacy.

Penalized by apathy
And living in the world of fantasy.
Dancing on hot coal, waiting for the last call,
It’s adam’s ball, eve’s call.

Wake up, shake up, check out, work out, speak out,
Reach out, it’s time to, time to, time to,
To, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to.

This is hell in paradise,
None of us wish to recognize.
But do we want them to materialize
An endangered species?

Exorcise institution,
Exercise intuition,
Mobilize transition,
With inspiration for life.

*Please send me your thoughts about power. Also stories of your own empowerment. When shared, these ideas and examples are extremely inspiring to others. Thanks.
    
***
The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

CONSULT THE MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™
Queen Mama Donna offers upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

 

The Mighty Queen

posted by Donna Henes

The mighty Queen, the great and wise, brave and compassionate woman ruler, the reigning commander of Her domain, is an expansive, expressive, accessible, energetic archetype who represents a mature female power, authority, responsibility, and influence worthy of our emulation.

There have always been exceptional Queens, royal and otherwise — inspiring and motivating examples of monarchs, matriarchs, amazons, fabulous furies, sheroes, and prominent leaders from all cultures and walks of life — to serve as role models for us who are striving to mold ourselves in Her image of sovereignty and strength.

Among the Hopi people, women and men are not considered to be completely grownup adults until they have reached their mid-fifties, at least. Women who are not yet fifty are not considered mature enough to participate in the weightier matters of ceremony. Despite how accomplished they might be, how responsible, how many children they do or don’t have, their wisdom is not yet not thought to be completely developed.

Until they reach middle age, women are considered to be still too involved in the practical matters of life and living, too distracted and preoccupied to be in attunement with Spirit — and thus their own personal power. Many cultures believe that a menopausal woman retains inside her body the blood that she used to shed each month. This blood that she preserves for herself is the fire-red source of her potency. The French have a saying that when women lose their blood, they gain their voice.
 
The Matriarch Queen is not afraid to speak Her truth. When She was younger, She sat on her power, keeping it a hidden secret, held fast just below the surface, the lid screwed on tight to prevent an accidental boil-over. Now, She burns with the passion and the power of a dormant volcano finally let loose of the intolerable internal pressure borne for so long.

The fires of Her impatience have burned away all the underbrush and now She can see the forest for the trees. Knowing through Her personal experience what is true and valuable, and having learned, usually the hard way, to be proactive, She pledges Her royal Self to defend and promote all that is precious. Fired by righteous indignation at the wrongs of the world, the Amazon Queen takes on the responsibility of Her authority with fervor and command.

We are not interested in the possibilities of defeat.
-Victoria, English Queen
   
   
*Please send me your thoughts about power. Also stories of your own empowerment. When shared, these ideas and examples are extremely inspiring to others. Thanks.
   
***
The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

CONSULT THE MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™
Queen Mama Donna offers upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

We Are Women of the Air

posted by Donna Henes

We are women of the air
We are the breath of life
We are the winds of change
We speak our voice to life

We are teachers of the truth
We are students all our lives
We are scholars and seekers
We are storytellers of the myth

We are women of the fire
We are the women of the desert
We are smoldering embers
We are daughters of the sun

We are powerful and strong
We are the blood of life
We flame our hearts desire
We ride passion to the crest

We are women of the water
We are women of the streams
We are creeks and pools and ponds
We are women of the rain

We are filled with love and joy
We are healing our hearts from pain
We are prophets of the future
We are mystics of the dream

We are women of the earth
We are stones and we are caves
We are fertile soil and sand
We are women of the bones

We are part of her body
We are filled with mystery
We nurture and we mother
We are protectors of the land

We are women of spirit
We are filled with prayer and light
We gather love together
We send it on in flight

We heal this broken planet
We sing and dance our prayers
We drum and raise it high
We hear her responsive hum

- Sharon Vaught, PA 

*Please send me your thoughts about power. Also stories of your own empowerment. When shared, these ideas and examples are extremely inspiring to others. Thanks.

***
The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

CONSULT THE MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™
Queen Mama Donna offers upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

 

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