The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

Say Something

posted by Donna Henes

It is so damn easy to feel depressed, frustrated and disillusioned right now. These are terrible times of artificial division, manipulated resentment and palpable fear. The real dynamic being played out right now is not about warring religious, economic or nationalistic factions. Not even about war. The struggle is actually between those who believe that the world is defined in terms of opposition — war or peace, right or wrong, rich or poor, with us or against us — and those who are able to see things in a more holistic, congruent manner.   

In these deciding times, it is imperative for those of us who see the big picture to decide, to commit, to make a concerted effort to reach out in ever-expanding circles of affinity and embrace. Now is the time to create healthy, functioning networks in recognition and in honor of our mutual state of being and our common fate.  

Because there really is still a chance for peace — and that chance will definitely increase if we each do our piece. It is ultimately up to us, each one of us, all of us, individually and together, to create the kind of world in which we want to live — to be the change we seek — starting right here, right now. Within the context of our immediate lives, within the concentric circles of our ordinary interactions.

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.

- Mother Teresa

I once gave a presentation in Washington, D.C. about creating peace in our world and in our lives. During the question and answer period, a woman commented that she wished that she could drop her job and just devote herself to working for peace. “What do you do?” I asked her. “I’m a therapist,” she replied. Surely she has many opportunities every day to create peace in her professional capacity.

Some might argue that we don’t have any choice in this upside down dangerous world and that we can’t affect what will happen. But even if we can’t immediately alter the course of human events on the world stage, we can certainly create change in our own lives and in all of the lives that we touch. And our thoughts are the seeds of that change.

Use your thoughts wisely. Understand their power. Thoughts have a tendency to become their physical equivalent. This is one of the fundamental laws of the universe. Another one is the law of attraction, which states that ‘like attracts like.’ Because it is consciousness that creates reality, the kind of consciousness you hold — your vibration — actually creates the kind of life you’re living.

- Dr. Christiane Northrup

So our first order of business as reining Queens must be to stay positive. To entertain only positive possibilities. To imagine only affirmative alternatives. To surround ourselves with wholly uplifting, life-affirming people and influences. To align ourselves solely with the greater good so that our actions will be born of only the finest of our best intentions.

Part Two tomorrow.

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to



Ruin and Beauty – Part 2

posted by Donna Henes


Here is a short list of some of the unbearable events of the last few months. One leads to another, relentlessly. Let’s locate ourselves so we can reverse the order. Iraq. Afghanistan. Thousands and thousands of civilian deaths. Agony. Depleted uranium in our weapons leaving radioactive fields. Unprecedented suffering and horror, madness, violence, suicide experienced by our soldiers and veterans, men and women, largely unacknowledged, untreated, untreatable at the moment – the shorthand is PTSD.

Leukemia, cancers, other terrible diseases in the areas around uranium mines, Native American reservations in particular. Water, earth, air poisoned. The Gulf hemorrhage, its hidden oil plumes under the sea, the incalculable effects also of the dispersants, the death and suffering of the fish, birds, animals, humans  and more ‘spills’ than we know, everywhere. Incalculable effects on all life. Global extinctions proceeding at lightning speed.

Hate bubbling up in Arizona and other states against the poor, the desperate, the non-white. Economic turmoil. Poverty. Walls going up at the Mexican border, at Gaza. We are imprisoning ourselves everywhere. Global loss of control over our food – genetic modification, cloned animals. Increasing numbers of autistic children born. Increasing numbers of people suffering mental illness, depression, despair. Radiation and chemotherapy have become normalized procedures as if everyone living should look forward to such treatment. Plagues of cancers, auto-immune diseases, other horrors.

Wolves and elephants hunted and culled from airplanes. Six northern white rhinos remaining. How many tigers? Women raped, mutilated, brutalized, enslaved in the Congo and everywhere. Human trafficking. Child soldiers. Domestic violence and physical abuse.  Parents, priests, ministers, religious leaders, medical people, educators committing sexual abuse of children. No safety. Global warming, flooding, drought, famine, earthquakes, hurricanes, volcanoes, glaciers melting, ice shelves falling into the sea, fires, the radioactive forests surrounding Chernobyl burning.


In the face of all of this and more, Spirit says, There are hidden passageways to end the horror and restore creation.

When people suffer life-threatening illnesses and want to heal and live, they often recognize they must change their lives entirely. They make the extreme offerings. Sometimes they live long lives. At the least their lives are extended. Meeting death, if that is the ultimate fate at that moment, they can meet it at peace with themselves and the world. They know they have made an offering to the community and the future in their living and in their dying.

The changes we are called to are radical and ethical beyond anything we have ever imagined.  We have been thinking of what to do for a long time, and we can’t stop thinking, but our thinking is paltry before this crises. We have to find the visionary ways to the visionary ways. And the courage to live them without compromise.

Engage in this thought experiment with me: Imagine that you have been born at this time so that your life will make a significant difference on behalf of the future of all life. What are you called to be, do given the alarming state of every aspect of our lives and your heartbroken desire and intention to be a remedy and a healing for this time?

I mean, why would you have been born in such a time if not to – if I put it crudely – be part of those who are going to … fix it, heal it, rejuvenate, revive, restore all life? Would anyone sign up for this nightmare if they didn’t have such a purpose in mind and a sense that they could accomplish something whether or not they got the credit a lot of people want more than the change?

As a species we no longer exercise restraint on the horror we are willing to inflict on each other, on animals, on trees, on beauty, on the earth.

But still …. Here we are. In as much as the trajectory that we are on, which is leading to the death of nature and the extreme violation of heart and beauty, is unacceptable, what are you, I, we going to become and, how will we live accordingly?

THERE ARE SECRET PASSAGEWAYS TO ANOTHER VITAL LIFE FOR THIS PLANET. You have to find yours and burrow through. You have a unique way waiting for you that belongs to you. It is the exact fulfillment of your life, experience, understanding, suffering and heart. As I have mine. Each of ours is distinct, but aligned and harmonious with each other’s. Restoring Creation is what we will do together.

What is YOUR role in Restoring Creation?

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to


Ruin and Beauty

posted by Donna Henes

This has been a year of such violence. Against women. Against strangers. Against entire populations. Against. Against. Against. Always against. Corruption, greed, hate, fear and stupidity combined have perpetuated a barrage of traumatic damage against Mother Earth, Herself, and all of Her creations.

And Mother Nature has retaliated in full violent force. Hurricanes, earthquakes volcanoes and rogue weather patterns. Floods of Biblical proportions. Tornadoes in Brooklyn, NY for Goddess sake.

Like everyone else, I have been bombarded with images of all this violence. I feel the pain of the people, the planet, the animals, the ocean. I know and have seen the deep, heavy pain that dulls the mind and defeats the spirit of so, so many folks who are suffering a sort of catatonia of the soul. I get how hard it is. How horribly hard it is for most people all over the world.

Still and all, I feel a profound responsibility to maintain an optimistic outlook. To entertain possibility. To trust transformation. And I am honor-bound to encourage and inspire a positive attitude in those who I encounter in person and through my writing.

I firmly believe that women, especially women of a certain age — we Queens — need to take matters into our own hands and start to change things — from the inside out.

It is time to step into our sovereignty and regally proclaim “Sorry, this path we have been pursuing in not tenable. We need a new attitude. A new vision. A new direction and new directors. Step aside. This is how we need to do things from now on.”

A third of all women in the United States are over the age of 50. We are the largest demographic. That’s a hell of a lot of power — if we would just claim it, embrace it and use it.

Recently, a serendipitous affirmation arrived in my in-box
from Deena Metzger, an exemplary Queen, pioneering Amazon and poet extraordinaire whom I have long admired.

Read this with hope in your heart.

The piece is long, so I will run it in two parts. Look for Part Two tomorrow.

Ruin and Beauty

By Deena Metzger

I STARTED WRITING THIS BECAUSE I AM ANGUISHED ABOUT THE STATE OF THE WORLD AND SO ARE YOU. I cannot imagine coming to the end of my life and realizing that I didn’t do everything I could have done, that I was distracted or preoccupied and I didn’t become everything I could have become in order to help save the natural world, the environment, the earth, all life, Creation. You reading this feel the same way; so let us begin and proceed undaunted on behalf of Beauty.

You are not asked to sacrifice your life or anyone else’s for Creation. Actually, you are asked if you will live your life fully on behalf of Creation. You are being asked if you will live fully on behalf of all our relations. We are so divided trying to save this and then that, that we cannot save the whole. The changes we are called to are systemic.

I AM WRITING THIS SO THAT YOU WILL MEET ME IN A STORY STREAMING TOWARD HEALING. Spirit says it is possible. I do not write this to give you false hope or to discount your fears. Your fears are appropriate. The situation is dire. All of creation is threatened at this moment.

Still, Spirit says, there are hidden passageways to restore creation.  But … entering them asks everything of me and of you.

I AM WRITING TO YOU BECAUSE I HAVE THE STRANGE BELIEF THAT SOMETHING UNEXPECTED, AND EVEN HOPEFUL, MIGHT OCCUR IF WE LOOKED AT THE WHOLE, the entirety of what we are facing and heartstormed together. I am writing because I can’t look at the whole of it alone. I am writing this because Spirit says there are ways, hidden passageways, to save Creation.

I am feeling a most urgent obligation
Not to mention suggest or even imagine
Any but the most positive possibilities.
But only project willful wishful thinking.

I know the world is still turning
So there must be a chance for peace.

Donna Henes

Part Two tomorrow.

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to

Have A Love Affair With Your Self

posted by Donna Henes

A great way to pamper yourself with the attention and affection that we all crave — that we lavish on others, but never think to give to ourselves — is to have a love affair with your Self.

These exercises in Self-appreciation and devotion are not meant to seal yourself off from others forever, or to replace any current or future relationships, but to make sure that you do not get involved for the wrong reasons — out of fear or desperation.

You will emerge from these Self-love exercises with the secure knowledge that you are your own best lover. And when and if you choose, you are able to share that love with someone special, who will understand just how precious it is and return it in kind.

An affair with your Self enables you to know, own and honor yourself as a unique and individual entity. To admit your abilities and limitations, your talents and truculence on the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual planes, and love your Self unconditionally with compassion and no judgment attached.

Self-love is so important, because the only person who is guaranteed to be with you forever until the day you die is you.

Get to know your Self
• Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, your fears and fantasies.
• Spend some quality time alone together — just you, yourself and you.
• Turn off the computer, the phone, the fax, and the TV.
• Put on your favorite music, or simply savor the silence.
• Entertain a program of non-directed Self-discovery.
• Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, your fears and fantasies
• Stare out the window or into a candle flame or a mirror.
• Clear your mind of inner chatter and let it wander where it will.

Take interest in your Self
• Engage in projects of Self-expression in order to reconnect with your higher nature and your inner best Self.
• Do an exercise tape.
• Go for a run, walk, swim, or bike ride.
• Read your Tarot cards. Consult the I Ching. Do yoga.
• Meditate. Drum, chant, dance.
• Write in your journal.
• Transcribe your dreams.
• Create an altar.
• Paint a picture or your walls.
• Sing silly songs.
• Have a good cry.
• Pound on pillows and scream.
• Laugh out loud.

Please your Self
• Work at establishing a warm, rich atmosphere for your own physical comfort and aesthetic enjoyment.
• Indulge in a variety of sensory delights.
• Surround yourself — your body, your home and to whatever degree possible, your office — with the colors, textures, sounds and smells that you love and that express your personality.
• Light candles and incense.

Court your Self
• Get all dressed up purely for the fun of it.
• Take yourself on a dream date.
• Go somewhere you have been meaning to go.
• Do things that you love.
• Buy yourself special treats.
• Compliment yourself, applaud and appreciate your strength and your beauty.
• Whisper sweet somethings in your ear.
• Tickle your fancy.
• Pull down the shades, turn off the lights and dance till you drop.
• Massage your body with sweet oils.
• Kiss yourself.
• Make hot love to your Self.
• Make yourself a marvelous breakfast in the morning.
• Send yourself flowers with a note saying, “I love you.”

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to

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