The Queen of My Self


 Is when we celebrate love. It is an ideal time to think about loving and caring for ourselves, which is where all love and nurturing comes from. We can’t say, “I love you” unless we can say, “I”!

By Mary J. Welsh

In their essence, ancient traditions and modern wisdom all say the same thing … Loving yourself is the greatest gift you can give the world.

I’ve been reflecting on why that seems so difficult for humans to do. We spend billions of dollars every year on therapy and drugs to help us feel good about who we are and yet, I think for many of us, our hearts are not yet fully open to the miracle of our Self. I think we focus too much on healing our ego self and it would serve us better to focus our attention on our Self … the Divine aspect of who we are. It is from this grounded knowing of being both human and divine that we are able to lift ourSelves up to a higher consciousness of acceptance and love.

Transformational programs and many books teach us ‘how to love ourselves’. Intellectually we know what to do, but it is the actual daily practices that create the change from within…and that is the only place from which we can love ourselves and the world around us.

I have found the following 3 practices to be the foundation for all the inner energetic changes in my life that shift me from adrenaline survival patterns of fight, flight, or freeze to the oxytocin experience of thriving and loving.

1. EMBRACE your wounded little girl / fearful ego with a gentle acknowledgement of present feelings, allow yourself to experience the feelings fully, and then set boundaries by speaking a firm admonishment that ‘enough is enough’. Energetically hug her, listen to her, tell her she is valued and loved. Then allow your Higher Self to tell her she is ready to move on now. Repeat this as often as needed and remember…Your Divine Self is more expansive than your past pain. You can shift and experience a new reality… right now!

2. FORGIVE for the sake of you! The 2 books that changed my whole view on forgiveness are Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping , and Zero Limits by Joe Vitale. The belief that there is a bigger and more beautiful tapestry in the overall scheme of life than I can see, frees me from my fearful desire to always know ‘why’ and to control all things and every one. This quote by Robert Brault is the essence of living life free from suffering. Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.

Another forgiveness practice is the loving, simple, and powerful practice of Ho’Oponopono. It sparks the internal change that is necessary for any type of alchemy. It is immediate, silent, and can be done with ease at any given moment that needs healing.

3. Play is the key to joyful Self-love! Commit to it. Do it. Do it again, and do it again!!! Do what makes your heart sing and your soul laugh! Dance, color outside the lines, bake, run, play outside, make a tent and read under it, or ????? Playing is creative, it revitalizes our Self, it helps us remember Life is on our side! Choose to enjoy the moment and for that effort, love yourself!
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to

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