The Queen of My Self

I found this article on women24, but unfortunately cannot find an attribution for the writer. It is wise advice that proves you are never to young to become The Queen of Your Self:

I’m turning 35 on Saturday and I’d be lying if I said I’m not having a little wobbly about it.

Even though I am happy and healthy and reasonably hopeful about life in general and my own life in particular, every now and then panic squeezes me in its merciless, clutching grip.

Time is moving too fast. The years are going by too quickly. Will there be enough time to do everything I want to do before it’s too late? Why did I waste so much of the precious stuff? And oh, how I long for the arrogance of youth that makes us all think, somehow, that we’re going to be the exception; that we’ll be immortal.

These are the thoughts that haunt me in the early hours of the morning.

Then my kitten starts nibbling on my eyelashes, and I have to get up and wash my hair and suddenly the days seem endless and the vastness of life stretched before me infinite.

But really, it isn’t.

And in the blink of an eye another ten years will have passed and I will look back at photos of myself now and think “you were so young then, if only you understood it and used it.”

So, I will. My present to myself, at this juncture of my life, will be to try and live the rest of my life with more mindfulness, more wonder, more honesty, and more joy.

Please forgive me if this list is too corny or too cheesy for you. But I’m clearly in the midst of a mid-life crisis here, so bear with me.

  • Do your work with passion. If you immerse yourself in something, it becomes engrossing and enjoyable. If you can’t find the will to get excited about your work, maybe it’s time to look for another job.
  • Spend time with your friends. And not only with the yay-sayers and the new ones that make you feel shiny. These are called fans, not friends. Hang out with the people who ground you, who know you, and who love you unconditionally.
  • Enjoy the comforts of life. Something as basic as a walk to the shop or your daily shower can be soothing, energizing, relaxing or whatever you need it to be if done with care and mindfulness.
  • Feed yourself properly. Food is not the enemy. Try and turn at least one meal a day into a sensual experience. It’s more than just fuel. Cook something from first principles. Set a table. Light a candle.
  • Don’t be scared to voice your feelings. Allowing your vulnerability to show is true strength. And it’s the only real way to build meaningful relationships. Tell people what you want; you’d be surprised how often they give it to you.
  • Enjoy and take care of your body. Sure, your boobs might not be what they were when you were 17, and your knee might hurt after climbing too many stairs, but unless you make the necessary changes, things will only get worse. Quit smoking. Start exercising. Be thankful for your health now, and invest in it for your old age.
  • Identify your priorities. What do you want from this life? What would you regret not doing? Why aren’t you doing it? What’s holding you back? What are you so afraid of?

It sounds so simple, so obvious. But how many of us are actually living our lives with the passion, care and enjoyment it deserves? I know I can do much better.

Do you think it’s worth it?

Love and 35 candles,


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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to


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