The Queen of My Self

by Robin L. Silverman

I once heard the saying that you could only be sure of two things in life: death and taxes. But when it comes to living soulfully, I can add a third: what you speak is what you get.

I’ve become very aware of the words escaping my mouth each day, because I’ve discovered that my soul speaks not only to me but through me. I am literally its voice in the world, a responsibility that has become more obvious to me as I’ve aged. Why now? Because my soul uses my body to do its talking, and lately, it’s been turning up the volume.

Medical intuitive Carolyn Myss points out that our biography becomes our biology. So when I feel that someone is a “pain in the neck,” that will be the day that I have to call the massage therapist. Or when I feel that I have “the weight of the world on my shoulders,” I’ll curse the scale, even though my diet’s stayed the same. My soul knows that all negative judgments and lingering discontentment hurt me, the world I live in and the greater universe. So whenever I speak words that disallow the freedom, growth or joy that my soul wants for me and everyone else, I know I will have biological hell to pay.

Conversely, whenever I speak words that are honest, constructive and happy, my soul rejoices. Not only do I feel good physically, but everything seems to magically fall into place with very little effort, frustration or strain. This is because words broadcast invisible sound vibrations into our little corners of the universe. Like magnets, they attract people and circumstances that match them in tone, character and intensity. When my soul is at peace, my world is at peace; not the other way around.

Soulful living demands that I remain awake and aware of the life inside my physical form and around it. I no longer think about coping with life. Instead, I think of caressing it with words of praise, gratitude and wonder. When I do, something wonderful always happens: my life is filled with peace and pleasure on many levels.

So what does my soul do with trouble, anger and discord? It has taught me to choose my words very, very carefully. I slow down and truly think about what I am saying. My soul does not like being a victim, so if words of blame, shame or ill-gotten gains start escaping, it will quickly let me know by how I feel or what I get that I’m headed down a soul-stifling path. I try to talk less and listen more, not only to what my soul has to say, but what I’m hearing and sensing around me. When I do speak, I try to use words that are empowering. And when the heat is simply too high to do anything but boil over, I have found that a sincere apology is soul-satisfying.

And when it comes to writing this article for’s anniversary, I will simply use these words: Congratulations, Valerie. You are the master chef of soul-food! From the heart of my soul and the soul of my heart, thank you for making us all a little wiser, more worldly and welcoming. 

© Copyright 2003 Robin L. Silverman.  All Rights Reserved.


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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to

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