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The Queen of My Self

Sometimes our life and times, with its constant bombardment of negativity and steady accumulation of stress, seems like too much to endure. Oftentimes, we aren’t even consciously aware that we are annoyed, upset, dispirited. We simply carry on. We persevere. We do what we need to do. We conscientiously continue on continuing on, ignoring our feelings, suppressing our sadness.

Until the day comes when we can stand it no longer, and then the dams break and our constricted emotions overflow. We find ourselves sobbing helplessly for no reason at all, or weeping at Hallmark commercials, completely appalled that we could succumb to such blatant emotional manipulation.

But, then again, sometimes we just can’t cry. We feel like it. We want to. We need to. But we just can’t let go. We are bound tight by some excruciating kind of crippling constipation of expression. I recently experienced a series of disappointments and setbacks. I stewed and stomped and swore, but I couldn’t find release. Then, one evening after bending down to put something away, I stood up quickly and smacked my head into an open kitchen cabinet door. That did it. I burst into tears, bawled like a baby, and within moments I felt much, much better.

There is nothing quite so satisfying as a nice, good cry. Humans cry two different grades of tears, both of which are incredibly cleansing. The tears we shed when we get something in our eye — dust or an eyelash, for example, or while we are peeling an onion, or smelling smoke, literally washes them clean of a specific irritant.

When we weep emotional tears, we release excess stores of the hormone prolactin, which is potentially toxic if allowed to accumulate in our bodies. The fact that we flush our systems of this poison probably accounts for the fact that in one survey, 85 percent of all women and 73 percent of men testified to how much better they feel after crying.

Research had concluded that people who cannot cry, or who consider that crying is a sign of weakness, suffer a significantly greater incidence of stress related disease such as colitis. According to a report just released, 95% of all illness is stress-related.

Tears are cleansing and refreshing, but there are certainly more agreeable ways to achieve the unburdening relief that they offer than by banging your head against a wall. Over the years I have developed a personal ritual, a Cryfest, wherein I indulge in the consolation of blatant lamentation. This is not about feeling sorry for myself, but a conscious dedication to release and relief. For two solid days I allow myself to weep and wallow, really revel in royal melancholy, after which I am renewed and ready to face anything.

Here are some suggested preparations for your own Cryfest:

Set aside a weekend when you can be alone.

Stock up on your favorite comfort foods. I usually do it while fasting, but you can use ice cream or wine or Chinese food or whatever else you crave for solace.

Rent at least twelve tearjerker tapes or DVD’s.

Take a long, hot bath to relax and release your resistance.

Settle into bed or onto the sofa for the marathon.

Make sure you have handy a box of ultra soft tissues, or better yet, a pile of lace trimmed, embroidered and crocheted hankies.

Turn on the TV and let it flow, let it flow, let it flow.

Some Recommended Tearjerkers

A Night to Remember
Antonia’s Line
Back Street
Bambi
Brian’s Song
Bridges of Madison County
Brokeback Mountain
Charley
Dark Victory
Days of Wine and Roses
Dr. Zhivago
Dumbo
Empire of the Sun
Frankie and Johnny
I Want to Live
Jules et Jim
Lilli
Little Big Man
Now Voyager
Philadelphia
Sophie’s Choice
Stella Davis
Strangers in Good Company
The Bear
The Children’s Hour
The Heiress
The Lion King
The Miracle Worker
The Music Box
The Old Maid
The Spitfire Grill
The Way We Were
Two Women
With a Song in My Heart

Check out the subject index of the “Video Hound’s Golden Movie Retriever” (Visible Ink Press/Gale Research.) It lists three columns of tearjerkers.

Top ten crying songs according to The Times of London

All Cried Out Alison Moyet
Big Girls Don’t Cry The Four Seasons
Cry Johnnie Ray
Cryin’ Roy Orbison
The Crying Game Dave Berry
Crying in the Rain Everly Brothers
96 Tears ? & The Mysterians
No Woman No Cry Bob Marley
Stop Your Sobbin’ The Pretenders
Tracks of My Tears Smokey Robinson

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

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