The Queen of My Self

Our messy thinking and sloppy habits come more easily into focus when our surroundings are tidy and beautiful and filled with only what is meaningful, so that we can release them, as well.

A thorough house cleaning, internal as well as external, is a fabulous way to delineate the purpose of our lives. Letting go of the inessential creates an elegant order to our existence. An orderly house always seems like the invitation to a fresh start, which is why so many cultures incorporate a thorough house scrubbing, a clean sweep, as it were, as well as an internal ablution in their New Year’s rituals.

When we clear out the inessentials, we make space for ourselves to grow and expand to fill the void. With the chaff, the distractions and dirty corners of our environments and minds cleared away, we can better see the structure of our lives, the foundations of our support, the bare bones that comprise our true Selves, and dedicate ourselves to living a more authentic life.

Throw out, re-cycle or donate one thing every day. This is a great practice in claiming what is important to you and discarding what is not. It is easy and gradual so that it is not too upsetting.

Spend an evening in the closet playing dress up. Get rid of everything that that doesn’t fit your figure or your evolved Self-image.

Eliminate one food from your diet that you know you should not eat. When you get used to living without it, eliminate one more.

Send all of the novels that you know you will never re-read to a school or hospital library or to a clinic waiting room. And that pile of magazines, too. 

Clean out your paper and computer files, your address book, old correspondence and tax records older than seven years. How much of that clutter is really relevant any more? 

Do the same with your medicine cabinet and cosmetic drawers. How many of the products crammed in there merely mask superficial symptoms and flaws rather than enhance your essential strength and beauty?

Remove yourself from situations and relationships that no longer nurture you. Refuse what does not interest you. This is harder. Hold tight to your entitlement to be fulfilled.

Monitor your thoughts, and edit the negative, Self-derogatory ones in mid-stream. Eliminate stinking thinking. Reframe your thoughts so that thy reflect a more positive attitude.

Reduce stress through yoga, exercise, breathing techniques, warm baths, sex, music, art and/or meditation.

Eliminate the accumulated toxins in your body by fasting occasionally. 

Slough off the old, like a snake shedding its skin, or a butterfly its cocoon. Emerge renewed, refreshed and re-energized.

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to



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