The Queen of My Self

It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content — or steam, whichever comes first.

By Dr Ruth Westheimer

Q. Why do a large percentage of women over 50 lose their sex drive? It is not just my wife, but many others that I know about who have husbands of their own. As hard as we try to satisfy them either with oral sex or straight, the results are the same. If it was just happening to me, I would blame myself.

A. There are also many women over 50 who start having the best sex of their lives. Their children are grown up and out of the house so that they have complete privacy. They don’t have to worry about getting pregnant. And they know their bodies better so are better equipped to have orgasms. I know that as a woman ages she undergoes hormonal changes, but there seems to be no scientific proof that menopause causes a woman to lose her sex drive. So if your wife is having problems, along with these other wives, the likelihood is that the problem is psychological. Perhaps your relationship isn’t as good as it used to be. Maybe you don’t spend enough time being romantic when you’re not having sex. If her body has undergone physical changes, then she might be feeling vulnerable and need extra attention from you. There could be lots of reasons why a woman over 50 isn’t as responsive to sex as she used to be, but it’s as likely, or more than likely, that her partner is a bigger part of the problem than her age.

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to



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