The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

Beauty Redefined – Part 2

It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content — or steam, whichever comes first. 

By Karinna Kittles

Still strongly in denial that the outer imagery I was participating in and witnessing was effecting me negatively, I simultaneously began to feel little desire to continue modeling or acting and overnight I became ill. My illness took me on a two-year journey that forced me to stop working, be in bed and look at myself. I began to move my attention from my outer reality to my inward reality, taking small steps to face my anger, self-hatred and unworthiness.

It was the most challenging time of my life and yet one of the most rewarding. At the time, I didn’t know why I was ill with many ambiguous symptoms and exhaustion, but as I look back it is clear that I was given the opportunity to strip away my false sense of external value and power. To take off my makeup, let my hair remember it’s natural color, reevaluate my sexuality- real from illusion, and look (what I perceived as ugly) and love myself.


As I came out of those two years, I was different. I knew more of myself, I was present, and appreciated more my heart, spirit and ability to show compassion and appreciation for others. But that did not exclude me from still vacillating, primarily unconsciously, of whether my outer self and outer reality was more valuable than my inner. Daily, I get closer to what is true, self love and inner wellness, beauty and peace and appreciation for the unique whole beauty of others.

Redefining Beauty is a personal journey. It requires asking oneself certain questions, such as What is beauty to me? What do I truly find beautiful in myself and in others? This can take time because we have become so accustomed to thinking that our cultural messages and definitions of beauty are our own.


Inner Beauty begins with health, both physical and emotional. There are many ways to increase ones physical health, through balanced eating, exercise, healthy habits and meditation. Emotional health can also be strengthened through acknowledging emotions, talking about them honestly with a friend, partner or therapist, and emotional transformation methods such as journaling and meditation.

With physical vitality and emotinal harmony, you will see the difference in your whole life. You will feel great, look your best and have better interaction in the outer world. This is the journey of Inner Beauty and I look forwad to hearing your stories and comment about your own inner journey.


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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to



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