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The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

Tips on How to Breeze Through Middle Age – PART 1

With a bit of self-love and motivation, midlife can be a time for big positive changes.
Here is a bit of advice from Best Knickers Always by Rebecca Perkins

Midlife crisis? What crisis? Tips on how to breeze through middle age
MIDDLE age need not be a trauma – with some positive thinking, you could have the time of your life

Midlife is a time of transition for women: our children no longer rely on us and will soon leave home, leaving us to wonder “who am I now?”; we may face separation or divorce; our parents are ageing and we have health scares.

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We can face all these challenges with heavy hearts and resentment, or we can embrace this new phase in our lives with enthusiasm.

Midlife is a time of transition for women: our children no longer rely on us and will soon leave home, leaving us to wonder “who am I now. We may face separation or divorce; our parents are ageing and we have health scares.

We can face all these challenges with heavy hearts and resentment, or we can embrace this new phase in our lives with enthusiasm.

One miserable day after the end of my 21-year marriage, years of tears and grief came flooding out of me. Then a text came in from a girlfriend with the words: “All I can say is it gets better. Go gently, be kind to yourself, and best knickers always.”

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I understood exactly what she meant. My self-esteem had taken quite a beating, and the lingerie I always prided myself on was banished to the back of the drawer. She wanted me to care for myself again.

Here I am now, having recently celebrated my 50th birthday, and I wouldn’t wish to be 20 again. I love that women of our generation can make choices that our mothers and grandmothers couldn’t make.

We can choose to set up our own business, to look younger, to end an unhappy marriage, to travel alone, to be happy. But we need to believe we can do it.

Here are some lessons I’ve learned:

Change one thing
Make one small, positive change to your life today and see what happens: drive a different way to work, set your alarm 10 minutes earlier so you’re not rushing. There’s something exhilarating about little changes – and all of a sudden you turn round and see how far you’ve come.

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Stop standing in your own way
We often blame others – it’s our husband, parents or boss stopping us making choices in life. But we are the ones self-sabotaging our efforts: pouring a glass of wine ‘to unwind’ even when we’ve said we won’t, or doing the ironing rather than applying for a new job. The voice we hear is, “I don’t deserve it, I’m not worth it.” Ask yourself: what if I were to stop the excuses and get out of my own way?

Decide what you are prepared to tolerate
What are you putting up with? I had a long list – no light bulb in the oven, receipts overflowing in my purse, kids leaving stuff on the stairs, only me unloading the dishwasher – it went on and on. But it’s you who allows this in your life – nobody does it to you without permission. Decide what you will put up with, so it’s your choice – then stop moaning.

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Learn to listen
Most people don’t listen – they are simply waiting to talk. You see it in their eyes and their body language. Don’t be one of those people.

Stop and listen and others will always remember how you made them feel.

Next week PART 2

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

 

 

 

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