The Queen of My Self

After an inevitable midlife transition period of feeling lost, confused and out of control of Her destiny, the Queen finally takes charge. She steps up to the situations of Her life and takes back the reins of Her power.

Or not.

Becoming a Queen is not automatic, nor is it instantaneous. Unlike dynastic royalty, where the only path lies through inheritance or marriage, the archetypal Queen of Her Self must earn Her own crown. As Simone de Beauvoir, the French philosopher and feminist said, “One is not born a woman, one becomes one.” So, how does one become a Queen?

In order to qualify for Queendom, we must choose to lay claim to the mighty power of self-determination and free will. A Queen is not a grownup princess gliding through life swathed in a protective sheath of entitlement. Rather, She must struggle for and earn Her authority and respect. We can step into our sovereignty only if we actually embrace it, embody it, employ it, enjoy it, and make it fully our own by conscious intent and conscientious effort. There is no such thing as Queen for a Day.

I went in through the doors of the treasury of wisdom, and I drew for myself the waters of understanding. I went into the blaze of the sun’s flame, and it lighted me with its splendor, and I made of it a shield for myself.
– Makeda, Queen of Sheba, 10th Century BCE

 We women are often afraid of our own power. Afraid to be thought of as pushy or bitchy if we assert ourselves willfully with the full force of our purpose. But wise women wield power wisely and the planet is in desperate need of our wisdom. The time couldn’t be more crucial.

The first step to becoming powerful Queens is to accept responsibility and sovereignty over our own lives and to feel secure in the effectiveness of our own authority. Once we embrace the personal power of being the Queens of ourselves, we can join together with other self-directed Queenly women to take our potency out into the world to use for the benefit of all.

Now is the time to acknowledge and explore our stature and our strength. It is high time to speak our truth, walk our talk and put our money where our mouth is. We have held back long enough. Starting here, starting now, we must claim our rightful duties as healers, as leaders, as visionaries. We have the whole world in our hands.

Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned, but women standing together side by side, Queen by Queen, autonomous, passionate, proud and empowered can create heaven on Earth!

“There will be no heaven unless we make it.”
– Florence Nightingale


Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to



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