The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

Be Prepared?

There is nothing like aging to drive home the fact that nothing in the world is permanent. Nothing lasts forever. Nothing is ever really completely safe. There is no such thing as security. Anything, anything at all, can happen at any moment. And in that moment, we are changed forever, as well.

How the hell can we cope with such uncertain times? (And all times are uncertain.) Life is a dangerous proposition all the way around. Nobody makes it out alive, after all. We never know, from day to day, from minute to minute, when a crisis will arrive unannounced on our doorstep. We never know when or how we will be called upon to rise to a critical, pivotal occasion. Yet we would like to think that we would be ready, willing and able to handle whatever may come our way. Like any good scout, we aim to be prepared.


But being prepared in the way of the Scouts can get you only so far. Sure, it is always a good idea to have a well-stocked pantry, tool box and first aid kit, just in case. It behooves one to be smart, to be alert, aware, vigilant, careful and calm. But there is simply no way — given the infinite variety of diabolically creative forms that death and destruction can take — to be prepared for any conceivable contingency.

For instance, the case of the two well-heeled, well-coiffed Japanese tourists in London who were struck and killed by lightning striking literally out of the blue as they strolled through Hyde Park. The wire, it would seem, on their under-wire brassieres had attracted the deadly bolt. How could we ever anticipate anything so bizarre?


A woman I once knew was walking with her husband and two adolescent sons along Boston harbor one sunny Sunday afternoon. They were eating ice cream and looking at the ships when a freak wind came along and knocked one of the boys into the water, never to be seen again. Imagine. Life is so fragile that an errant wind could literally blow you away forever.

The only way that we can truly prepare ourselves for unanticipated emergencies is to center ourselves in the present moment. To pay attention. To really be here now. To be ever mindful. If we can focus on the immediate, rather than obsess over the past or try to anticipate the future, we will have the presence of mind to assess each situation as it arises. And we will be able to be flexible in our response to it.


It is not so important to know what we will do in any given situation. The crucial thing is to know that we will be able to do something. To have confidence in our ability to think on our feet. To have faith in our own assessments, instincts and intuition. To be able to figure it out as we go along. To believe in our good intentions and our courage to do whatever is called for.

It seems to me that the secret to successful preparation is mindful presence. To live the life that we have, while we can, as best as we can, and to appreciate every single minute of it. L’ chaim!, the Yiddish toast, “To life!” recognizes, embraces and salutes life in the full range of its scope and complexity. It celebrates all of it — the good, the bad, the ugly, the indifferent — for tomorrow we die.



Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to



Previous Posts

Am I Having A Mid-Life Crisis?
by Carolina Smart You ever have one of those Ah ha moments? Either one you came to on your own volition, or after a conversation with someone else; that someone being a good friend, family member or a stranger. I had one of those moments ...

posted 6:00:02am Nov. 09, 2015 | read full post »

Extreme Self-Care
The art of extreme self-care, it seems, is all about making choices–every day, in large and small ways–that support you and your highest interests. Without fail or apology. "The minute you catch yourself saying 'I have no choice,' you need ...

posted 6:00:07am Nov. 06, 2015 | read full post »

Visiting the Temple of Memory
Have been reading John O’Donahue’s book, Anam Ċara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom, which, translated from the Celtic means “Soul Friend” I’m going to copy out for you part of it entitled “The Soul as Temple of Memory” The Celtic ...

posted 6:00:59am Nov. 04, 2015 | read full post »

Halloween - Spirits on the Loose
  Halloween offers us a way to engage with our natural fascination with death in a way which is scary yet superficial. We get to acknowledge our fear of death while still having a good time. Halloween descends from Samhain, the most ...

posted 6:00:13am Oct. 30, 2015 | read full post »

Broom Goddesses
Years ago a client, Rose, told me about the death of her grandmother and the fighting that ensued in her family when the time came to divvy up her possessions. This sister wanted the jewelry, that one the china, another one demanded her silver. ...

posted 6:00:18am Oct. 28, 2015 | read full post »


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.