The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

What Are Your Saving It For?

As daughters, as wives, as mothers, as lovers, as workers, as bosses, we have catered to the care and upkeep of people, pets, professions, and projects. Most of us have spent decades devoting our best efforts to making life better for everyone and and everything around us.

That is all well and good, but it is also important to honor our own worth by using the very best of everything that we have on us. Right now! It is such a folly to save our favorite items for something, someday special.

Somehow, the days never seem special enough to allow ourselves the pleasure, the indulgence, to use and enjoy the very things that we love the most. Goddess-forbid that we would dare to feel that we were special enough to use them today.Every day, after all, is just another day, and so we let them pass, and then, one day, we run out of days.


If we are to treat ourselves like Queens, we must provide ourselves with the best that we have to offer — our best attitude, our best care, and our best possessions. What are we waiting for?

When my mother died, I inherited my grandmother’s set of turn-of-the-century hand-painted china. I have always loved those dishes, which evoke fond memories of Gramma’s excellent Jewish cooking and her unconditional love. When she died, my mother took the set home with her, wrapped each piece carefully in tissue paper, and put them all away for use only on special occasions.

For a while, while I was growing up, we enjoyed my grandmother’s dishes at holiday suppers when they were filled with company-only extravagances like black olives and pickled watermelon rinds. But as time passed and the family dispersed, special occasions became rare and I didn’t see those dishes for years.


Now that they are mine, I, too, cherish them and use them only for very special occasions: Every Meal. Every Day. For my Self. I am careful with them, but I use them anyway. If I break one occasionally, I feel bad for a moment, then I put the pieces on the soil of my potted plants where their pattern continues to cheer me. If there are none left by the time I die, so be it. One less find for the Antiques Roadshow.

I would live my life burning it up as I go along, so that at the end nothing is left unused.

– May Sarton

The more conscious and respectful we become of the brilliant abiding presence and guiding force of our Selves, the more we feel inclined to spend time alone in Her excellent company. That inner place, that source, that center of Self, cries out to inhabit a special, sanctified space of our own creation, “a room of our own” as Virginia Woolf put it, where we are happily at home within ourselves.


The Queen in us becomes very discriminating as to the quality of peace, order, and beauty that She establishes for Her Self in Her personal domain, and She defends its inviolability as sacred. After all, we are worth it!


Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to




  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment hedgecrone

    yes, what am I saving it for?

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