The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

Love Your Self

January is Self-love month. And if it weren’t, I, Queen Mama Donna, would declare it so! So for the rest of the month I will focus on the ways that we can show love and support to ourselves.

There is only one person who is absolutely guaranteed to be with you loyally every day until you die. So you might as well live her! Will you join me in showering your Self with love starting right now?


Love Your Self

 By Molly Burke, CA

Love it all: the good, the messy, the deplorable and disgusting, the divine and endearing, the noble and profane. Love the crap you create, and the tenacity with which you continue to breathe. Especially, deliberately love the bits that you don’t think deserve it. Core confidence is grounded in self love.


I was inspired to write about Self-love because of this great client I have. She and I have been working together since 2007. She’s gone from morbidly obese, broke and suicidal to a sleek role model with a guaranteed annual income of 90K. I offered her another big challenge designed to accelerate her progress recently, which she received with enthusiasm and confidence, even as her fears reared their heads. Her undaunted attitude of “bring it on, I get it, I can do it!” is thrilling.

We were talking about her journey from that sad girl I met to the dynamic woman I know now. I asked her what the biggest internal shift has been for her. She said, “I talk to myself differently now.”

She went on, “I used to be so mean to myself, and constantly say bad, terrible things about myself inside my head. Somewhere along the way, that changed. I started talking nice to myself, and noticing the good things instead of the bad. Now I make myself say 10 good things about myself for every bad thing I catch myself thinking. I also find myself finding more good things about myself to praise. How I talk to myself has absolutely shifted. And it’s so much easier now to accomplish my goals because of it.”


“So you praise the good things about yourself, and that’s the shift?” I queried.

“Well, it’s more than that, actually. Things really started shifting for fast for me when I started loving all of me. I had to love the fat and the depression before they could go away. Without judging it. I just started telling my faults that I loved them. I did it all the time. I still do it. And they kinda vanished, or at least stopped getting in the way. And now I’m lots happier, and I get more done, and I love my life. But I had to love all of me first before anything else changed. I know I’d still be fat if I hadn’t started, for sure.”

I’ve watched this woman walk through Hell on the way to her dreams. I’ve witnessed her triumphs and her challenges. I’ve been honored to be her ally on this journey. Her results don’t lie.


I believe her. Don’t you?

Do yourself a favor. Start loving yourself, ALL of yourself, on purpose, deliberately. Start today, right this minute, and change your life forever.


Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to



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