The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

Have A Love Affair With Your Self

January is Self-love month. And if it weren’t, I, Queen Mama Donna, would declare it so! So for the rest of the month I will focus on the ways that we can show love and support to ourselves.

There is only one person who is absolutely guaranteed to be with you loyally every day until you die. So you might as well live her! Will you join me in showering your Self with love starting right now?


A great way to pamper yourself with the attention and affection that we all crave — that we lavish on others, but never think to give to ourselves — is to have a love affair with your Self.

These exercises in Self-appreciation and devotion are not meant to seal yourself off from others forever, or to replace any current or future relationships, but to make sure that you do not get involved for the wrong reasons — out of fear or desperation.


You will emerge from these Self-love exercises with the secure knowledge that you are your own best lover. And when and if you choose, you are able to share that love with someone special, who will understand just how precious it is and return it in kind.

An affair with your Self enables you to know, own and honor yourself as a unique and individual entity. To admit your abilities and limitations, your talents and truculence on the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual planes, and love your Self unconditionally with compassion and no judgment attached.

Self-love is so important, because the only person who is guaranteed to be with you forever until the day you die is you.

Get to know your Self

  • Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, your fears and fantasies.
  • Spend some quality time alone together — just you, yourself and you.
  •  Turn off the computer, the phone, the fax, and the TV.
  • Put on your favorite music, or simply savor the silence.
  • Entertain a program of non-directed Self-discovery.
  • Stare out the window or into a candle flame or a mirror.
  • Clear your mind of inner chatter and let it wander where it will.

Take interest in your Self


  • Engage in projects of Self-expression in order to reconnect with your higher nature and your inner best Self.
  • Do an exercise tape.
  • Go for a run, walk, swim, or bike ride.
  • Read your Tarot cards. Consult the I Ching. Do yoga.
  • Meditate. Drum, chant, dance.
  • Write in your journal.
  • Transcribe your dreams.
  • Create an altar.
  • Paint a picture or your walls.
  • Sing silly songs.
  • Have a good cry.
  • Pound on pillows and scream.
  • Laugh out loud.

Please your Self

  • Work at establishing a warm, rich atmosphere for your own physical comfort and aesthetic enjoyment.
  • Indulge in a variety of sensory delights.
  • Surround yourself — your body, your home and to whatever degree possible, your office — with the colors, textures, sounds and smells that you love and that express your personality.
  • Light candles and incense.

Court your Self


  • Get all dressed up purely for the fun of it.
  • Take yourself on a dream date.
  • Go somewhere you have been meaning to go.
  • Do things that you love.
  • Buy yourself special treats.
  • Compliment yourself, applaud and appreciate your strength and your beauty.
  • Whisper sweet somethings in your ear.
  • Tickle your fancy.
  • Pull down the shades, turn off the lights and dance till you drop.
  • Massage your body with sweet oils.
  • Kiss yourself.
  • Make hot love to your Self.
  • Make yourself a marvelous breakfast in the morning.
  • Send yourself flowers with a note saying, “I love you.”


Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to


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