The Queen of My Self

January is Self-love month. And if it weren’t, I, Queen Mama Donna, would declare it so! So for the rest of the month I will focus on the ways that we can show love and support to ourselves.

There is only one person who is absolutely guaranteed to be with you loyally every day until you die. So you might as well live her! Will you join me in showering your Self with love starting right now?


Time spent in the bath, with a good book, exercising, and even doing domestic routines, can feel like holy rites of devotion if we perform them with the focused intention of Self-care and love. Our concentration = consecration. Meals, for instance can certainly be something more than the mere rushed intake of calories, nutrients, television news, and family bickering. A normal supper can be one of life’s most agreeable ceremonies if we establish a comfortable, leisurely, aesthetic, emotionally safe environment in which to enjoy food and convivial company even — especially — if it is “only” our own.

When is the last time someone cooked a special meal for you? When is the last time you cooked a special meal especially for yourself? What are you waiting for?

If you are never alone at dinnertime, do lunch. Or brunch, or breakfast, or high tea, or a midnight snack

Create an out-of-the-ordinary menu that might include your favorite culinary treats, or foods that you have always meant to try. Or you may want to create a fantasy feast or recreate a memorable meal from your childhood, from your travels to exotic places, or from your favorite book.

Cook with the intention to nourish and please yourself, purposefully infusing the food with love, just as you would in anticipation of any honored guest.

Set your table with all of the special things that you love, but never use. Enjoy your grandmother’s plate or vase, cloth napkins, and your good stemware.

Create a centerpiece that honors and celebrates you. Have fresh flowers or foliage or your favorite houseplant. Set out some of your amulets or holy items that represent your intention to treat your Self well. Light candles to ignite your intention.

Pour a libation of wine or ice tea and offer a toast to you, your health, your happiness, your life.

Don’t forget to say grace. Bless your Self and your bountiful blessings.

Serve your Self.



Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to






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