The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

Midlife Women Are More Hopeful than Midlife Men – Part 2


I have been inundated lately by articles about the so-called “Midlife Crisis.” Clearly it is subject very much on the minds of many, many women.

Mid Life Crisis: What is it? Is it inevitable? Is it even a real phenomenon? Or is it an invention of the media — that is, corporate advertising trying to sell us things we don’t need? (Not only do we not need these cosmetic and quasi-medical accoutrements, they are downright insulting and sometimes even dangerous.) 

These writings cover the gamut of opinions, ideas, and suggestions about coping with a Midlife Crisis, ours or someone else’s. I offer them up to you to for your interest and edification.

As always, I invite you to send me your stories — experiences, advice, and inspiration to share with our community of Midlife Queens.


Midlife Crisis or Midlife Consciousness? You choose!

xxQueen Mama Donna


Midlife Women Are More Hopeful than Midlife Men – Part 2

By, Pamela Cytrynbaum 

For a wide range of reasons, men are less likely to have a tight-knit group of friends like that. But that group is apparently the key to everything. We know this, right? All of us who have found ourselves face down, kicked in the teeth by life, we all know the gals on speed dial who will come running. Often, you don’t even have to call them. They just know and show up.

I remember lying face down on the floor of the intensive care unit ‘family consultation room,’ as my brother lay dying a few feet away. The room was dark. As I wailed and sobbed I didn’t hear the door open.


Out of nowhere I felt a palm press deep into the middle of my back, stopping my sobs long enough to let me breathe. I looked up, and there was the same friend who picked the spinach out of my teeth before we went on stage in the high school variety show 30-something years before; who can tell you what my bangs were like in middle school and what I wore to prom; the same friend who painted my toenails the night before my wedding; who performed at our baby naming ceremony; who comforted me through a divorce; who has talked me off more than a few ledges than I care to remember; who remembers far more about me than anyone should ever have known to begin with.

She appeared, like an apparition, on the floor of that awful, bleak room in that awful ICU, at the darkest moment of my life. And she quite literally had my back. She is one of a handful of amazing best friends I consider my BFF team. Each one has come to my rescue and I have come to theirs, over decades, through it all.


I’m not one of those optimistic midlife women Gail Sheehy wrote about. I’m pretty convinced things will be fairly lousy fairly often. But I’m also convinced it doesn’t matter. Whatever happens, I’ll never have to go through it alone. I know there is a group of women who will somehow find out, who will drop everything and rescue me.


Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to


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