The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

Playing with Fire – Part 1

It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content!


Regular sex, according to medical research, has the same benefits as regular exercise. It increases the flow of certain chemicals that naturally boost and strengthen the immune system, improves cholesterol levels, stimulates circulation, invigorates the heart, diminishes the intensity of pain, especially in migraines and chronic arthritis, reduces PMS symptoms, and releases endorphins which simply make you feel good.

Physical Sex

Make friends with your body. The more accepting you are of your physical being—your best features as well as your flaws—the more comfortable you will be sharing it. Develop your sense of touch. Cover the surface of your body with paint, with clay, with cream, with silk. Caress the textures. Feel the tactile sensations on your skin. Treat yourself to a massage, a manicure, or a facial. Pat, stroke, rub, knead your skin and hair. Offer to massage someone. Ask someone to do it for you.


Appreciate your body. Know that this body allows you to participate fully in life. Don’t take this tremendous gift for granted. Express your gratitude for its durability, dependability, and recuperative powers. Bless the feet that take you where you want to go, the back that holds you upright, the hands that serve you so well, the eyes that you see out of, the heart that keeps on ticking. Bless your life in its physical form and enjoy it.

Treat your body well. Feed it wisely, air it often, water and exercise it with Intention and care. Pay Attention to its proper maintenance and upkeep. Keep it oiled and greased and limber, and don’t let it get rusty. Nurture its need to be nurtured. Tend to its requirements and pamper all of its parts. Prepare your body for sex. Soak in a warm tub full of fragrant water to melt into the mood. Rub luscious lotion all over yourself, caressing each mound and crevice and curve with love and anticipation.


Mental Sex

Mind your memories, good and bad. Do not dwell in the past. Do not look back in time in order to yearn for more youthful days or compare yourself today with who you used to be. And do not let past pain, rejection, repression, or abuse deprive you of your present pleasures Deal with what you want to change so that you can Be Here Now.

Mind your manners. Be nice. Be kind. Be patient. Be encouraging, but be sure to ask for what you want. Be willing to communicate with an open ear, as well as with an open mouth. Be clear and specific. Be gentle, but firm. Speak your truth and expect to be heard. Share your desires and fantasies and play them out. Show and tell.

Mind your P’s and Q’s. P stands for permission. Allow yourself to follow your instincts and your desires and give yourself the unconditional permission to do what comes naturally, whatever that might mean to you. Q is for the Queen in you who knows what She likes. And She knows how to get it.


Tomorrow: Playing with Fire – Part 2


Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife.

Queen Mama Donna is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.



The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to



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