The Queen of My Self


It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content — or steam, whichever comes first.


I posed this question to our cyber Queens’ Court — The Queen of My Self  Page on Facebook.

Q. SEXY QUEENS: I am wondering: What is your sex life about as a Queen? How has your attitude about and/or your practice of sexuality changed with age? Are you less interested? More interested? More or less satisfied? Freer? More or less adventurous? These are pertinent questions for our Queen’s Court. Please reply here or, if you choose, you can email me at: Merci.

A. toward sex has changed very little. I have always enjoyed sex, and as I age I find out that it really does get better with age, something that I would have never believed at 30. Intercourse, meaning communication and also meaning coitus, is so appropriate I think because it is communication, and bonding.    At least for me, age has not dulled my interest, and that age has made me freer and more appreciative and understanding of the powerful place sexual intercourse holds in our lives. Not to mention the rewards and delights. Sex is not just for the young. Afterglow is good.Since learning that sex and love were not the same things, that didn’t take long, my attitude

– LoisAnn, PA

A. As a Queen, I am definitely less interested in sex as just something to do or feel. It seems that my body is becoming more sexy in its sexual energy rather than in my physical being. For example, I can have an orgasm energetically if I open my womb space energy and allow Shakti Energy to flow through me. LOVE IT! WOWEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

– Sheryll, CA

A. I have found that initially I was much more free… relaxed. After a few years of this stage, I began to place my energies elsewhere. In many ways this was enlightening as I had no idea how much focus I had given sex and its pursuit. But I do miss it…even though married.

– Michele, IL

A. Much less interested. I am too busy discovering parts of me that I didn’t know I had.

– Susan, NY

A. I find, as I grow deeper into my Queen self, that I am much more sexual and confident about my sexual desires. When I was younger and even into my mother years, my sexual self was focused more on what he (my husband) wanted or needed. At this stage of my life, I am much more interested in what I want and need as it pertains to sex. Experimentation, whether as a couple or alone (yes, the untalked about “M” word) is much more free and exciting for me. I’ve noticed as well, that since my hysterectomy in 2009, I am much more frisky and flirtatious and able to climax quite easily. I love being a Queen and seasoned woman :o)

– Kimi, NJ

A. This Queen is reveling in her sacred sexuality. The ecstatic pleasure I am able to experience is a gift as I see it. I do wonder at times what could possibly happen if I was able to channel some of that energy elsewhere. I love what Kimi said, I too, shall consider myself a seasoned woman!

– Alys, CO

A. During my menopausal years (50-53) my sexuality increased wonderfully! Orgasms were longer and much more frequent. I ended my relationship and within a few years, my sexuality decreased. When I started dating again, I experienced pain upon penetration. My doctor told me my vagina was atrophying. That relationship ended shortly after that diagnosis and I’ve been single since then (five years). I’ve not missed it, actually. I’ve not missed having a man around either. LOL. I’ve realized that there is SO much more to life and that my earlier years were so focused on sex that I missed many wonders of our beautiful world. I am free and glad of it.

-Sonia, NY

A. For me, part of feeling sexy is owning my power as a woman — the seat of that power being that which makes me a woman — my womb, my vagina. Being aware of the power that resides there.

– Lisa, VA

And what about you, my dear sister Queens? What part does sex play in your lives now? How do you feel about it? I would love to further this discussion. Do send in your experiences, thoughts and ideas


Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™


The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to




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