The Queen of My Self

Here are selected comments from a discussion on The Queen of My Self Facebook page.

Q: The Queen does not invite hard times and trouble, but She chooses to use them well. Suffering is the midwife of compassion.
– Queen Mama Donna

How has this been true for you?

A: Oh yes! This year, I celebrate 30 years of suffering and learning from my great teacher: severe scalp psoriasis. THANK YOU, Great Teacher, for all the lessons, the pain, the bliss, the wonder. I LOVE YOU!!
– Sheryll, CA

A: This hit home for me last year when my mother passed away from cancer. Although I have had many friends and their loved ones live and die from and through cancer, I couldn’t relate truly until I experienced it in my family. It impacted my compassion and empathy so much for those suffering not just from cancer but other illnesses as well.
– Jami, WA

A: Tough love at the moment. I’ve just returned from teaching in China. I may be a Queen but I’m living at home, on a couch, no job, no apt, no car and no interviews yet. Compassion? Trying to love myself through the changes. Good news is, everything changes — even the hard times.
– Jessica, RI

A: At the age of 49, I’ve finally learned to stay in conscious contact with Spirit when I am in a “good” space. Previously, I needed the suffering and hard times to consistently remind me to reconnect and to listen.
– Debra, NH

A: The hard times and the bad times and the losses have made me a stronger and therefore more compassionate person. I can’t say that I have overcome every bad thing that has happened to me, but the ones I have, have taught me just how much I can do, how strong I can become. Have faith in yourself, you are so much more that you think you are, especially you are so much more than you think you are when things get harsh. Arise , go forth and show ’em some moxie.
– l.a., PA

A: We need to know that without the suffering we would never know joy! Be grateful for it all. Been where you are, Jessica, and it DOES get better!!! Prayers, love & light coming your way 🙂
– Lori, NY

A: Unfortunately it can seem to take FOREVER for the end of suffering and it can take forever for the “better” thing to come along. This is why patience and hope is important also!
– Karen, NV

A: What happens when suffering feels better/more real/like the only truth? have you ever found yourself making the choice to suffer something because it is a more extreme feeling? what happens when The Queen realizes she just might be inviting the hard times and trouble? (but balances the suffering with a very romanticized positivity, wine, and her fortress of sisters…)
– Katrina Dixon , NY

A: She is not inviting the trouble, but choosing to focus on the pain. Pain is familiar. Sometimes it is seemingly safer than an unknown, untested faith in possibility. So a shift in focus is what is needed. It is so important to dwell on what we want, rather than what we fear we won’t have, or might lose. And that does take an enormous discipline. Remember, energy goes where we send it. This thought changed my life. Perhaps you will find it helpful, too: “Worry is like praying for what we don’t want!”

A: Losing my mom to the effects of diabetes and my seventeen-year old niece to cancer taught me about strength, compassion, and living in the moment.
– NotMy RealName

A: Divorce and unemployment have helped me find my own inner happiness. Now I am going back to school for my MBA. Hardship has not held me back, but propelled me forward.
– Jennifer, CO

A: Choose gratitude, when there you have a center from which to send compassionate energy.
– Christina, NY

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to

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