So, do you know what makes up a good marriage? Do you have one?
Can you spot trouble instantly in someone else’s marriage? How about your own?
Research shows that the way you recount your early years of being together, both positive and negative, is about 90 percent accurate in predicting whether your marriage will succeed or fail.
For instance, when you are out to dinner with new friends and someone asks you how you and your spouse met, what does your story sound like?
“Oh, he planned a beautiful picnic by the lake for our first date. I was so impressed because he packed delicious cheeses, a lovely bottle of wine and freshly baked bread in a lovely basket. He chose a gorgeous spot beneath a stately old oak tree for shade that was close enough to the water to throw crumbs to the passing ducks. But about ten minutes after we arrived it started to rain. We got soaking wet running to the car. When we finally got in, we sat in silence for a few seconds shivering. He looked at me with mascara running down my cheeks and I looked at him with hair that was filled with a whole tube of gel now matted to his head, then we suddenly burst out in deep belly laughter. We made an instant mental note…check the weather report prior to a picnic!”
But if your marriage is under significant stress, the same exact story would sound more like…
“He planned a picnic by the lake out on Old Mill Pond Road. The mosquitoes were as thick as a blanket and
he forgot to check the weather report. It rained cats and dogs, ruining my brand new shoes. And to top it off, the car got stuck in the mud and we had to sit there half the night waiting on Triple A.”
It’s the same story but instead of looking at the events positively…like the opportunity to talk and get to know each other while waiting on the tow truck and eventually having a great story to tell the grandkids…it’s nothing but negative. Out
of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
So, the next time you’re asked to tell a story about your relationship, listen intently to the positive or negative nature of what you’re saying. It will clue you in to what you are really feeling deep down.
Live the Life You’ve Always Wanted!
Dr. Mike Ronsisvalle