Their Bad Mother

Their Bad Mother

And The Moon Is The Only Light We See

I’ve been struggling with depression. I’m always struggling with depression, in some respects, but it feels harder, these days. My husband asks me if I’m sad, and I tell him no, because depression is different from sadness, but there’s an element of it there. I’m struggling with depression, in part, because I’ve been struggling with so much grief, and the work of grief has worn me down and I’m tired. I’m more vulnerable to depression when I’m tired. Most people are, I think. Just one reason why new moms are so vulnerable to it. So little sleep, so much stress – it’s a challenging combination.

I’m not sure what to do about it. It’s been over a year since I’ve seen my psychiatrist, and I’m not keen to go back. Not for any good reason, really, other than that the idea of talking about what I’m experiencing makes my anxiety worse. I don’t like to talk about my feelings. Write about them, sure. But talk? Ugh. Ugh.


I’m not sure what I’ll do to get through this. Get outside, get some air, breathe. Reflect upon the joy that my children bring me. There’s always that.

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And then, maybe, call the doctor.

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cindi roo

posted April 21, 2010 at 4:17 pm

I know this is YOUR journey…I understand the hesitation to seek counsel(the therapy-talking kind). It’s hard and time consuming and BLAH!
I also hear the broken-ness in your words. If I may suggest…find a someone (priest, rabbi, doctor of heads, bartender) to tell your woes and worries too. Not someone you already talk too….A new objective folk who may have a something that may help just you. Cuz…well you know (I know) gets worse before it gets better. And frankly…you are well… just, too much awesome to be struggling so hard alone.
You are not alone!
Go do what YOU would tell others YOU loved to do. I’m rooting for you. I know this struggle and it plays dirty. So get dirtier.
Much and many good vibes from this fellow struggle-r.
Peace to you

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posted April 22, 2010 at 11:12 am

I have to agree with you Depression isn’t really sadness. I too don’t really want to talk about it with a professional or most others for that matter. I hope that you are able to find the things that help to crawl out of your depression you will be in my thoughts.

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Little Green Mom

posted April 23, 2010 at 9:19 am

Been there, bought the T-shirt… I feel your ambivalence. Sometimes you just get ‘talked out’ and sick of the depressive thoughts. But as this is grief-related, go easy on yourself and take a little time to air out your mind. Maybe a hot bath with a book you’ve been wanting to read, or a long walk (as a fellow Torontonian, you are spoiled with ravines and parks) with the birds as soundtack or fave music. Hope the tide starts to turn soon. x

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