Their Bad Mother

Their Bad Mother

The Year In Review: Feel The Fear And Sob On Stage Anyway

The most viscerally terrifying experience that I had this year: reading ‘Lost Boy’ for BlogHer’s Community Keynote. It was awesome and wonderful and all those things that one expects from feeling one’s fear and doing it anyway, but I was as terrified as I have ever been in my life.

Mine is near the end, so if you don’t want to watch the whole thing, you’ll have to forward to about 15 minutes shy of the end. Or you could just read the original post here, and imagine me sobbing my way through it.


More than one person – more than twenty people – said to me after the fact, that must have felt good, to express all of that, to get it all out. I said, each and every time that was suggested: good is not quite the right word. It felt terrifying.

But, but: terrifying has its rewards. I was afraid, and I did it anyway, and that? Was a rush, the very best kind.

(This post is part of the Best Of 2009 blog challenge issued by the lovely Gwen Bell. Today’s challenge: recall the best/greatest rush you experienced this year. This was mine.)

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posted December 14, 2009 at 11:30 pm

I’m so glad you did it. It was great to be there to hear your story.
Having done it myself last year I totally relate to your description of it, because looking back, “terrifying and exhilarating” is what I come up with. Writing a personal story down is so very different from standing up on a stage and reading it in front of one’s peers.
It’s one of the greatest things that’s happened to me in my life as a writer and as a person. I’ve never felt so supported by people I respect and admire, by friends and total strangers alikek in sharing my words. But I don’t think I’ll ever forget how scary it was. And perhaps therein, for me, lies a good bit of its value. I like to think of us as a very lucky, somewhat unglued community keynote sorority. 😉

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posted December 15, 2009 at 12:28 am

Damn you. Just watched the entire thing. Now it’s like 1:00am. But the truth is, it was well worth the wait. You should be proud. Glad to know ya… :-)

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posted December 16, 2009 at 10:59 am

I think you did an amazing job that day. Truly.
I’d have to agree with you. One of the hardest things I did all year was get up on that stage. I still can’t even watch it.

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