Their Bad Mother

Their Bad Mother

Worried. Sick.

Jasper is, as I’ve mentioned, sick: respiratory difficulties of some sort or another that haven’t yet been fully determined. What we do know, or think that we know: it’s not swine flu. Which is a relief. Of sorts.

We can’t really rest easy – indeed, we’re pretty likely to be resting entirely uneasily – until Jasper is well again. Because he’s ill, he can’t get the vaccine. Because he’s ill, he’s more vulnerable than he’d be otherwise to the virus. Because it’s his respiratory system that’s vulnerable, any viral attack could be very, very dangerous to him. Too dangerous.


Yesterday, a healthy young boy in our city died of swine flu. He was diagnosed with regular flu last week after falling ill, felt improved enough to play hockey on Saturday, and then fell ill again that evening. His parents took him to a clinic on Sunday, where they were told it would pass. Evan Frustaglio went bed on Sunday evening, and stopped breathing, and when his parents went to wake him, he was gone.

Just like that. GONE.

I am not exaggerating when I say that this news makes me want to a) keep Jasper – keep Jasper and Emilia – indoors for the rest of flu season, and b) have Jasper sleep right beside me so that I can lay awake and monitor his breathing until I am certain – as certain as I can be – that the greatest risk has passed. Or until I go mad from sleep-deprivation. Whichever comes first.


The first option is not a viable option. The second, well… I’d like to say that I’m sort of kidding, but I’m not. But as much effort I’ll put into that second option, it’s not the answer. I don’t know what the answer is. Live with my worry, I guess.

And this: implore you all to please, please vaccinate your children if you can. Stay home if you fall ill. Wash your hands. Do whatever you can to stop this from spreading. Containment only works if we all do it. Don’t put any children at risk.


Comments read comments(17)
post a comment

posted October 27, 2009 at 5:29 pm

The point you’ve made her is one that is continually being obscured by the endless debates over vaccinating.
We CAN slow the spread of this virus. We CAN take very real actions to prevent children from being exposed.
Whether you vaccinate or not, for whatever reasons, you can still hand wash diligently, you can teach your children about germs, you can keep your children away from school/stores/social gatherings when they’re ill.
Thank you. And I hope, dearly, that Jasper feels well very soon.

report abuse


posted October 27, 2009 at 5:31 pm

I hate fear. I hate feeling it. I hate how vulnerable I feel and how vulnerable my children are.
I’ve started appreciating them everyday and being less annoyed. For the reality that it could be my last day with them is more real than ever.
I have hope for Jasper.

report abuse


posted October 27, 2009 at 5:35 pm

The info on both sides of the debate has my head spinning! Thank you for putting it out there, once again, as a reminder that when it comes down to the tacks – I’ll do whatever I need to keep my kids safe.

report abuse


posted October 27, 2009 at 5:48 pm

I was starting to question whether I wanted to give my son the swine flu vaccine, and then I read this post. Thank you for reminding me of why it is so important to vaccinate. It’s not about me– I know chances are any member of my family who got the flu would be ok (sick as hell, sure, but long-term ok). But it’s not about us– it’s about people like your son, or newborn babies, or the elderly, who ARE at greater risk.

report abuse


posted October 27, 2009 at 7:42 pm

My daughter Sophia got her vaccine last week… she was on the doctor’s special priority list, as I’m sure Jasper will be once he gets well. The worry is staggering- just don’t YOU forget to keep breathing.
Sending well wishes and hugs and comforting tufts of hair. 😀

report abuse


posted October 27, 2009 at 7:50 pm

I hope he is feeling better soon. In the meantime I would not hesitate at all to have him sleep with you. But I’m not good at sleeping apart from my kids even when they are healthy, so I would (and have) cling like crazy to bed sharing if they were sick.

report abuse

Laurie (@GoodByeGracie)

posted October 27, 2009 at 7:55 pm

I hope your little guy gets better very quickly! The H1N1 has hit our area pretty hard and, after much thought and debate, we are having our children vaccinated. It was not an easy decision though but we truly feel that the benefits outweigh the risks in this case. We were, at first, against the idea of a vaccine but the more we’re reading and learning, the more we cannot risk a tragic outcome for our family or any other family by germs we may spread. Thankfully, our kids’ schools are doing the vaccines on site for free as soon as our county has them available…possibly in the next two weeks. So our legwork is done for us, which is great!
I hope your little guy gets better soon!! Lots of healthful thoughts to you!

report abuse

bari ackerman

posted October 27, 2009 at 7:59 pm

Hope he gets well soon! Don’t blame you for wanted to sleep next to him. I would.
Please continue to keep the discussion about all vaccines going.
My kids have already been vaccinated for regular flu, and I just got off the phone with the dr’s office. They are hoping to have it by next week. And we will be there to get it!
Keep well yourself!

report abuse


posted October 28, 2009 at 9:01 am

My son Izzy (who is 6)got the swine flu before the vaccine was available. Izzy has asthma and we were worried. sick. He slept in our bed for 10 days. I was so afraid he would stop breathing that I would just lie awake and listen, pressing cool cloths to his head.
I would keep Jasper next to my side without a doubt. So what if it takes longer for him in the long run to leave your bed! You know he is safe and breathing.

report abuse

metro mama

posted October 28, 2009 at 10:29 am

Thank-you for this.

report abuse


posted October 28, 2009 at 11:31 am

All four of my kids got it, two developed pneumonia, and one is still not well completely. We won’t be getting the vaccine since our ped still doesn’t even have it yet and we’ve all had it already. They ran out of the regular shot, as well, and we are on the waiting list for it. Two of my kids are high risk, so we treat all 4 as high risk. When my oldest, now 10, was 3 months, she got RSV, and we stayed up for 3 days staring at her, sleeping in shifts, to make sure we’d know if she stopped breathing. This go around with H1N1, all four have spent time in my bed so we could do the same thing. Do what you need to do for both Jasper and you to get through this.

report abuse


posted October 28, 2009 at 11:32 am

Yes. yes. yes.
Please vaccinate, help protect the weaker ones in our communities.

report abuse


posted October 28, 2009 at 5:07 pm

Vaccinate. One of my sons has autism–he’s in a high risk group as a result of the neurological aspect of the disorder. He will be vaccinated, just like the other two. Vaccines didn’t cause his autism–we did all the “right” stuff, but this one might save his life.

report abuse


posted October 29, 2009 at 12:40 pm

I’m 38 weeks pregnant, have asthma and am allergic to eggs so I can’t get the vaccine and this worries me. My husband is planning on getting it which helps but part of me wants to hibernate for the next couple of months to protect not just myself but more importantly my child.

report abuse


posted November 2, 2009 at 5:14 pm

Just a thought as I also have a daughter with severe asthma. Is the cat making him sick?
Just something that may be worth looking into.

report abuse

Haley-O (Cheaty)

posted November 24, 2009 at 4:23 pm

Thank you so much for this, and everything you’ve written about swine flu, the vaccine and protecting the community. You’ve helped eased my own anxiety about my choices in regard to this immensely! The “pro-vaccine” side can be a bit lonely and scary on the internet – so, again, THANK YOU!

report abuse


posted May 29, 2010 at 10:24 am – da mejor. Guardar va!

report abuse

Post a Comment

By submitting these comments, I agree to the terms of service, rules of conduct and privacy policy (the "agreements"). I understand and agree that any content I post is licensed to and may be used by in accordance with the agreements.

Previous Posts

More Blogs To Enjoy!!!
Thank you for visiting Their Bad Mother. This blog is no longer being updated. Please enjoy the archives. Here is another blog you may also enjoy: Inspiration Report Life As A Concious Mom Happy Reading!!! ...

posted 4:50:01pm Jul. 05, 2012 | read full post »

The Road To Heaven Is Paved With Maracas
Last weekend, I went to Mass for the first time in well over a decade. To say that it was a strange and disorienting experience would be to understate things dramatically. But it was also a deeply comforting and familiar experience. I know that ...

posted 9:30:01am Mar. 09, 2011 | read full post »

Dear God (On The Catholic Church And Abuse And Evil And Crises Of Faith)
This weekend, I read an article in New York Times Magazine about the crisis surrounding the Catholic Church in Ireland as new, horrible, stories emerge about sexual abuse of children and efforts by the Church to cover up those stories. It was a ...

posted 1:34:44pm Feb. 16, 2011 | read full post »

Buy Yourself Roses For Valentine's Day
You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your ...

posted 9:07:07am Feb. 10, 2011 | read full post »

There But For A Rocking Chair: On Love and Fear and Keeping Our Children Safe
Before Emilia was born, I fussed endlessly about babyproofing. Never mind that it would be months before she would even enter the world, let alone move around it and find its electrical outlets: I was convinced that when it came to babies, there ...

posted 6:46:18pm Dec. 16, 2010 | read full post »


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.