Their Bad Mother

Their Bad Mother

If Wishes Were Horses, I Would Be On A Ranch Holiday

Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated our thirteenth wedding anniversary. And by celebrated, I mean we made grilled cheese sandwiches for the kids and then fell asleep before ten o’clock.

We’ve been married thirteen years. We’ve been parents for four. For the first nine years, every anniversary was enthusiastically celebrated – dinner, drinks, gifts. For the last four, the celebrations have been a little more quiet – mac and cheese and early bedtimes. It’s not that we don’t want to celebrate – we do – it’s that we simply don’t have the energy (nor do we have a babysitter, but that’s another story). With two small, sleep-averse children, any free time that we have is usually spent power-napping. Who has the will to dress up and sit in a restaurant when you could just fall asleep on the sofa, a cold slice of delivery pizza clutched in your hand?


It’s been a hard year for us – and an exceptionally hard few months – and so the urge to just curl up in our pajamas is stronger than ever. But I think that the need for us to get up and get motivated to find some time for ourselves – as a couple, as two people who are more than just parents – is greater, in some respects than our need to rest. It’s easy to give in to the need to rest. But it’s also easy, in giving in to that need, to give up on other needs.

We’re tired. I’m tired. So tired.

Is there any such thing as a Vacation Fairy? A Dinner Date Godmother? Does the Great Pumpkin deliver spa getaway certificates, complete with nanny service? Because we need that kind of magic, stat.

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posted September 23, 2009 at 2:20 pm

We recently celebrated our 6th year of marriage and the other day someone asked me how long I have been married for and I said 5 years and then I realized I was wrong. We didn’t do a thing this year, either. But I remember the year before we became parents we went to MTL for an awesome weekend. Drank lots of wine, etc. Now, times are different. I wish there was a vacation fairy!

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red pen mama

posted September 23, 2009 at 8:34 pm

I hear you, sister. And I jump through hoops to get us child care so we can have date nights. Just after doing it for five months in a row, I wish he would do it, then we don’t do anything as a couple for three months, and then we have a huge fight and realize we’re seriously drifting. And then the cycle starts over again.
As long as you check in with each other and communicate — and hubby and I have been known to let that drift, too — you’ll be okay. But it’s tough being parents and a married couple sometimes.

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posted September 23, 2009 at 8:39 pm

We only managed to go out for our anniversary this year because my husband’s parents stayed with the kids while we went because I had a series of tests the next day and could not bring the kids with us.
We’ve been married for fifteen years and parents for four. We really haven’t been able to do the anniversary thing, and I think we need to. Too much stress and not enough time to be us is definitely taking a toll.

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posted September 23, 2009 at 8:46 pm

in one word: word.

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Lady M

posted September 24, 2009 at 1:01 am

Happy Anniversary!
We visited my parents for a few days last week, and after the boys were asleep, my husband and I could have gone out, seen a movie, had a real date. We were so tired that we just got an Oreo milkshake at Carl’s Jr. and went home.

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posted September 25, 2009 at 1:34 pm

Sounds like a good time to come to Virginia so that I can babysit and you guys can go have a blast. (Not that this itty bitty town has much to go do but there are a couple of restaurants that will do in a pinch.) I wish you were closer because I would totally help you out. Just sneak into the bathroom after they go to bed or down for a nap and have a crazy makeout session. It really does liven up the mood!

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