Their Bad Mother

Their Bad Mother


If A Child Pees In The Forest, Does Anybody Care?

posted by Catherine Connors

Emilia has been toilet-trained since sometime last year. Which is awesome, because diaper and pull-up-pant changing are a drag. What is less awesome is the need to be constantly on the look-out for a bathroom because your small child can’t hold it in for more than five minutes.

What is also less than awesome: dealing with a potty-desperate three-year old when there is no potty in sight. Which is when you need to pull out the big Bad Mother guns: you need to teach your child how to pee outside.

Teaching a child how to pee outside – don’t give me that look, everybody has to pee outside sometime or another – is, in itself, pretty straightforward, especially for girls, who don’t need to worry about aim. The Double Daring Book For Girls* devotes half a page to discussing the fine details of peeing al fresco, but the actual steps to a successful outdoor whizz are simple: find a private place, squat, and pull any loose clothing out of the line of fire. Easy.

Easy, that is, if you’re a girl who’s willing to squat. Emilia is not willing to squat. Emilia understands that men and boys pee standing up, so why shouldn’t she? So Emilia, when faced with the need to pee behind a bush, demanded to be shown how to do it without squatting. I, of course – never having mastered the art of peeing while standing – was unable to help her.

Thankfully her Auntie Tanis was there. Auntie Tanis knew what to do.

“Just stand with your legs apart, sweetie. No, you don’t need to grab anything; there’s nothing there. Just hold your shirt up and SHOOT.”

budge-pis.JPG“Yeah, just like that. WATCH YOUR LEGS. Don’t want to splash!”

budge-pis (2).jpg“And just give yourself a little shake! Good! GREAT PEEING, SWEETIE!”

It’s hard to not swell with maternal pride when your daughter really succeeds like that, you know? She now has one more skill – in addition to, among others, the ability to do the splits, bite her own toes, and eat her body weight in ice cream – that I do not and that, my friends, is a thing that both inspires and humbles and makes me just a little bit sad that I, as a girl, never learned to do anything but squat.

*You should totally buy this book if you have a girl or if you know somebody who used to be a girl or if you were a girl once yourself because, really, every girl and woman should know how surf, camp, build a rope ladder, become President, read the Attic Greek alphabet and, yes, pee outdoors.

 



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Corrin

posted June 9, 2009 at 3:57 pm


Is there an age limit on this technique? Because I always pee on my underwear and am willing to give this method a try the next time I gotta go.



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Earth_Mommy

posted June 9, 2009 at 3:58 pm


OMG!!! That is too funny!!! This is one skill I, too, have never mastered. It would come in handy, though, when the teenager is hogging the one bathroom in the house….



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Avitable

posted June 9, 2009 at 4:07 pm


That is hysterical. Leave it to Tanis.



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jay

posted June 9, 2009 at 4:11 pm


This almost* makes me want to have a third child and hope it’s a girl. And also, I can has girlie standing up peeing skills?
*I said ALMOST.



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Issa

posted June 9, 2009 at 4:20 pm


Leave it to Redneck Mommy. That’s awesome. May have to teach my girls this. Because they hate the squatting thing when we go camping.



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Linda

posted June 9, 2009 at 4:46 pm


The picture is great! Skills like that have come in handy over the years! Funny thing is that with boys, you just can’t get them to stop peeing all over the place. My youngest has marked the entire yard as his territory!



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Melissa Wardy

posted June 9, 2009 at 4:47 pm


Great piece! And good job Emilia. I had this up on the computer screen while I left the room to tend to the baby. My own 3 yr old Amelia saw it, liked it, tried it…and peed all over my dining room rug.
Perhaps next time good Auntie Tanis could put a disclaimer that this technique should not be tried at home. Or at the very least, while indoors…



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Redneck Mommy

posted June 9, 2009 at 4:56 pm


I really am so very proud.
*Wipes away a tear.*
I can’t wait to teach her to burp the alphabet.



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ljpock

posted June 9, 2009 at 5:01 pm


As I am frequently outdoors with no restrooms around not being shy about “nature hikes” is a definite bonus. I always chuckle at friends who arne’t comfortable with it because really, it’s not necessary to suffer! Glad she’s learned another good skill :)



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Charles

posted June 9, 2009 at 5:10 pm


For an excellant discussion of The Skill and a “how-to” disguised in a great book read “Only Begotten Daughter” by James Morrow in which Julie Katz is born to a celibate Jewish lighthouse keeper.
I think Tanis learned the method from the book.
http://www.amazon.com/Only-Begotten-Daughter-Harvest-Book/dp/0156002434



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Joy

posted June 9, 2009 at 7:40 pm


Awesome!! As I girl, I was quite irritated that I couldn’t pee standing up like the boys (older cousins), until my sole older female cousin showed me how. ;)



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Your Name

posted June 9, 2009 at 8:40 pm


Damn, I love this stuff!!! My kids are 21 and 22 years old now and I can re-live all this fun stuff through you and RedneckMommy. My son once whipped it out to pee behind a tree at daycare and when told he couldn’t do that, he said, “but my Daddy does it all the time.” But take it from an old pro….you’re gonna miss this….terriby!!



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Trish

posted June 9, 2009 at 8:59 pm


LOL PMSL …I did my own 2yrs son pee in the park post last week but this is cute = opportunity for all women !



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katie ~ motherbumper

posted June 9, 2009 at 9:00 pm


That was awesome to see. I wish I had an Auntie Tanis when I was growing up. Would have saved me a lot in laundry.



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Bill

posted June 9, 2009 at 9:03 pm


That’s so awesome I may have my daughter try it outside even if we’re by a bathroom next time!



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Scotch Straight Up

posted June 9, 2009 at 9:05 pm


It’s too convenient not to perfect.



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Rebecca - Playground Confidential

posted June 9, 2009 at 10:18 pm


You know I’m going to have to slip out to the alley way to try that myself now, don’t you? ‘Cause there always was something about squatting that seemed so damned undignified.



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mapsgirl

posted June 10, 2009 at 12:03 am


That is the best! Auntie Tanis rocks!
(And that’s a nice edit of the pic too. LOL)



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Al_Pal

posted June 10, 2009 at 12:57 am


Rad. Great photo edit, indeed. ;D



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Amy

posted June 10, 2009 at 1:04 am


Hysterical! My 4yo son is highly concerned that I don’t pee standing up. Every time I go to the bathroom, he asks me again, whether I can pee standing up. I told him, “I can’t” to which he asked, “Does anybody not let you?” like it was a question of rules and not anatomy.
One of my dearest friends’ admired her older brother and wanted to be just like him. So she ruined many an outfit trying to master the art of peeing standing up. She admitted to me that at one point, she thought the secret was in her belly button, so she pressed it in various ways trying to do it right.



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Jackie

posted June 10, 2009 at 11:26 am


Oh that is hilarious! When I was young I had a pee emergency and needed to go outside without the luxury of stripping down. Squatting or not, without the ability to aim it is hard thing for a girl to do. I peed on my shoe.



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Jaden

posted June 10, 2009 at 3:39 pm


That is an awesome pic! Way to go Emilia! :) I know I woulda peed on my foot or something.



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Hope

posted June 10, 2009 at 4:54 pm


very cool. i loved teaching all mine to pee outside. sometimes it was just easier.



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Alexicographer

posted June 10, 2009 at 5:43 pm


How very funny! Conversely, taking seriously the notion that in approaching potty training we should allow our kids to see us pee, I squatted in our back yard and pointed out to him what I was doing. He now squats and tells me he’s “peeing,” though in fact he’s not (but, eh, if you can make “cookie icecream” out of sand, why not “pee” ?



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Kelly

posted June 11, 2009 at 8:00 am


To my husband’s horror, I have encouraged my daughter to pee outside on several occasions. She was gonna wet her pants anyway, so what’s the big deal? Now I can use the excuse that it’s an important life skill. I mean, someday my little girl will be at a keg party and she’s going to need to know how to relive herself in the grass, with grace and style.



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hummusluver

posted June 12, 2009 at 1:16 pm


My mom loves to tell the story about one year, I was about 6 years old- we went to see Fireworks for the Fourth of July and when we were in the car and leaving I had to go- BAD.
We were in the car and waiting to get out the parking lot. You know- all at the same time as other people. My mom asked if I could hold it and I said, NO I CAN’T- I HAVE TO GO NUMBER TWO!
So she hands me a cup. A BIG GULP cup.
When I was done I handed it back to her.
She freaked out when she saw more than yellow in the cup!



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Wendy

posted June 12, 2009 at 3:11 pm


I had to laugh about this because we just had an “incident” yesterday in which I was trying to get my kid (boy) to the bathroom in time and we didn’t make it. We were in the park and I could see we weren’t going to make it and I dragged him over to a big shrub, yanked his britches down all the while thinking “good gravy someone is going to call the police or DHS on me, but I didn’t bring an extra change of clothes!!!”
Unfortunately it didn’t help. He peed all over his clothes anyway. LOL. Well, I’ll get better at this eventually!



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Megan

posted June 12, 2009 at 9:09 pm


On a recent hiking trip, my 6-year-old daughter had to pee. I sent my husband into the woods with her because I was still eating my lunch. He had her lean back against a rock for some reason which effectively pointed the stream straight out and she managed to pee all over his feet from a foot or so away. After I stopped laughing, all I could say was “Dude, you’ve been married for 14 years. At this point, you really should understand the equipment.”



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Bette

posted June 13, 2009 at 6:36 am


This brought up a vivid memory for me. About 45 yrs. ago I had my first squattin’ in the woods experience and I cried while my mom and her friend sat in the car and laughed. They thought I would be able to pee if they gave me some privacy. :) The best way to break in to the outside squat is to drink plenty of beer. Modesty goes right out the window!



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Megan H

posted June 15, 2009 at 6:21 pm


This is awesome. Your blog is great! If ever I were to have the urge to become a mother (not likely, but just in case), I’d have to be a Bad Mother. Or at least an Imperfect one, because that’s me.
And about the outdoor peeing: an invaluable skill for hiking and camping. Pretty much any wilderness expeditions.



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Shona

posted June 15, 2009 at 10:14 pm


As the mother of a 4 year old girl who can pee standing up I now have more respect for her talent. I don’t think she can squat without peeing on her clothes.
Thank you for the perspective.



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velocibadgergirl

posted June 15, 2009 at 10:31 pm


Next step, learning to write her name in the snow. I knew a girl once who could do it, and her name was Misty, so you know that took some skillz. Seriously, though…as a chick who takes pride in her woods-peeing skills, mad props to Emilia! :D



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ket

posted June 29, 2009 at 5:15 pm


well, i guess it worked although leaning back slightly and shooting straight out would be easier, although being male is alot easier… go girl



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ladybughugs

posted July 1, 2009 at 11:53 am


Thanks, in advance, for this tip. Will definitely store it in a safe place in the back of my head (HA!) for when the situation arises.
Now, do you have one for when the two of you are out together (alone), in a restaurant, with your food on the table, and she decides she has to go? I tell you, a definite rock and a hard place for me.



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Andromeda

posted July 23, 2009 at 3:53 pm


I found out how it’s possible for girls to pee standing, even aim, and even go through a fly zip like a boy, on the Internet. How awesome the ‘net is! :D
http://neptune729.deviantart.com/art/Peeing-Standing-Up-for-girls-112663453
You might find this useful, as might you, Shona. If your girls are interested in peeing standing up you both might as well go the whole way and teach them to pee as little boys do? :D It makes things convenienent and it’d be fun for them, plus it’d make car trips easier… if your kid starts tingling in funny places at the most inappropriate time on a car trip, just hand her an empty soda bottle and instead of getting in awkward positions with this page she can just unzip her shorts and… aah! instant relief!
It’s well worth checking out.
Girls all over the world, stand up!
Andromeda



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rebecca

posted September 27, 2009 at 9:10 pm


what do you plain on doing when she wants to go poop in the woods too do you plain on teaching her that too ?



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dustin

posted October 12, 2009 at 4:39 pm


My daughter is 6, and a complete nut at times, but being a family that likes to go camping and exploring we have had plenty of instinces where the forest is the bathroom of choice haha. actually if the porta-potties are to gross then we actually prefer the woods. I love your blof and i think you have a good thing going on keep thye good work up. lol. I can relate to alot of it.



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just saying

posted November 9, 2009 at 5:40 pm


am i the only one who finds some one taking a picture of a little girl going disturbing.



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Mama

posted November 22, 2009 at 10:46 am


Can i see the full image of this girl peeing? i’m 24



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me

posted December 8, 2009 at 10:59 pm


can i c her vagina it look so hot and makes me horny



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dustin

posted February 12, 2010 at 2:35 pm


I just wanted to say that I have two girls 7 and 1 and going in the woods or camping is a pretty natureal thing, but to the people who have posts before this one about wanting to see the picture, you are messed in the head and should seek help immediatly, im going to forward this to the fbi child abuse link and see maybe if they can track you perverts down. It’s people like you that never want me to post any cute pics of my kids on any site. you should be ashamned of yourselves, but on the bright side you’ll probebly be in prison within the next few years so i wont have to worry



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Victor Ibraham

posted February 23, 2010 at 1:03 am


I’m Victor Ibraham from India. I’ve read lots of about Emilia. According to me Emilia is a very good girl. Let him to do whatever she feels likes. The childhood shouldn’t go negative. Ask her ambition & plan it the right way. There shouldn’t be any force e.g you have to become this or that. Let her enjoy the way she wants.
There’s a request please send all her images & videos of past to present to current (mention the day, date, time, year of each photo & video. I want this peeing image full & if video available then kindly send. Keep sending her images & videos.
My e-mail address (VictorIbraham5870@gmail.com)



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Robert White

posted May 12, 2010 at 5:30 pm


In your blog “If A Child Pees In The Forest, Does Anybody Care?” rings home with me. I’ve raised three daughters and when this issue came up I went traditional. I wished I’d thought to train them this way. Then if they didn’t like it, there is still the standard way expected by polite society.



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Olivia Batey

posted June 7, 2010 at 12:59 pm


You are all sick perverts!
This poor little girl, and her poor mother, having to read all these comments.
And Victor, yes you, from India. You are just as bad. What exactly to you plan to do with the image?



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jo

posted October 17, 2010 at 3:24 pm


@me U f***in pedo



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Anonymous

posted October 22, 2010 at 3:24 am


To Ibraham and those of you who want to look at this for the pic that’s wrong GROW UP I’m glad the author cut that out cause its nobody’s to look at i find that offensive. You get the purpose of the author’s post done. Stalker



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pat

posted January 29, 2011 at 10:00 pm


it’s fun to pee in the woods.boys shake.it’s harder for girls when they don’t have tp to wipe their vagina with.



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fears and censorship

posted March 4, 2011 at 8:49 pm


I wonder why some people find ‘disturbing’ or ‘offensive’ a photo of a girl peeing, when it’s the most natural thing. What thoughts come to their minds when they look at an innocent picture like this? It’s funny to me that they don’t find ‘disturbing’ to enter in a forum about peeing. On the other hand, some people censore their photos because they are afraid of showing their children’s genitals, but they are not afraid of showing their children’s face to everybody… You know, perverts who search photos on the Internet can get horny just looking at your children’s mouths. Yes, it sounds hard, but it’s true. If you censore your photos because of security reasons, then don’t post ANY photo of your children. Personally, I’d like to see the original photo posted intead of this censored version, just because I hate censorship. We can’t live scared thinking about what could perverts do. And if the reason for the censorship is that some people can find the full picture ‘disturbing’ or ‘offensive’… they are not forced to look at it. What are they doing here?



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Scotty

posted March 26, 2011 at 11:00 pm


Can you email me the FULL picture?



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Skyla

posted May 30, 2011 at 11:34 pm


good girl im trying it soon



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roctedd

posted December 19, 2011 at 3:07 pm


Hmm… Remembering me about my nephew and similar situation (or problem?) (roctedd.wordpress.com/2011/10/29/4)



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