The Celebrity Therapist

The Celebrity Therapist

Thinking About Michael Jackson

posted by sherrygaba

It’s been about a year since Michael Jackson died, and the anniversary has brought him back into the news and into my thoughts. Michael’s path to addiction and, eventually, overdose, was typical of so many addicts.

 

          It started with the childhood he never had. Many addicts come from families in which there is some type of dysfunction. Perhaps their parents were also addicts or they had some kind of serious physical or emotional illness. Perhaps the parents, for some reason, were simply unable to be preset for their children. Whatever the reason, the children get thrust into the role of caretaker to their parents–a role they can’t possibly fulfill, because, after all, they’re just children. So they fail and fail and fail again, and grow up believing they can never succeed.

 

          For Michael Jackson, he was thrust into the role of family breadwinner at a very early age. And on top of that responsibility, he had a physically and verbally abusive father who was never satisfied with anything Michael did. Obviously, the nurturing, safe environment children need to grow up in, to make mistakes in, to be protected in, did not exist for him.

 

          As an adult, Michael spent a lot of his enormous wealth trying to create a childhood for himself. He built an amusement park and a zoo on his property, he surrounded himself with children, and, eventually, he adopted children whom he regarded as his playmates. He also surrounded himself with reminders of his enormous popularity and with people who would always agree with him and never tell him that we was wrong.

 

          It was all supposed to erase a childhood filled with messages of failure and demands that he be an adult. But, as we know, it didn’t work. Because we can’t erase our childhood. No amount of money in the world can buy back the past. We have to learn how to deal with it, move beyond it, get ourselves into the present. When we keeping living in our painful past, we end up medicating and numbing ourselves–just as Michael Jackson did.

 

          But even when you have enough money to keep a doctor on payroll, so you never need to hustle for illegal drugs of questionable purity or potency, addiction eventually overtakes you. You need more and more drugs just to stay numb, and there comes a time when you go too far.

 

          You cannot change your past. But you can learn how to live your life fully awake, fully alive, in the present moment. When you do that, you no longer need to be numb. As Michael Jackson’s sad end shows us, you cannot go back in time, full of regret. You can only go forward, full of hope and compassion.

 

Sherry Gaba, LCSW, is an experienced professional in the field of addictions and recovery.  She is the author of “The Law of Sobriety: Attracting Positive Energy for a Powerful Recovery.” A licensed psychotherapist and life coach who attended the famous Coaches Training Institute, Sherry received her Masters of Social Work from the prestigious University of Southern California. With fifteen years of experience as a clinician, she has also worked at some of the top rehab centers including the famed Promises Treatment Center in Malibu, CA. The success of her private practice and coaching program made her the go-to expert for Dr. Drew Pinsky on VH1′s Celebrity Rehab 2 and 3 and its spinoff, Sober House, and she will continue as the Life Coach on Celebrity Rehab 4 summer 2010. Sherry’s expertise has been quoted in Cosmopolitan, New York Daily News, E Online, Elle Online, Huffington Post, and she has appeared on Issues with Jane Velez-Mitchell, Hollywood Confidential, Inside Edition, Dr. Drew Live, Fox News in San Diego, and KTLA-TV in Los Angeles. Sherry is a frequent contributor to anthologies, blogs, and newsletters, is a sought-after speaker, and lives with her family in Southern California where she maintains an active private practice. Visit Sherry at www.sgabatherapy.com.

The Dangers of Eating Disorders and Substance Abuse

posted by sherrygaba

I read a very painful article the other day about a woman in her 30s from Korea who had been pressured to lose weight, and died from being on a so-called alcohol diet.  She was skipping all other meals throughout the day only drinking alcohol. According to The  National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) 35 percent of alcohol or illicit drug abusers have eating disorders compared to three percent of the general population. 

 

It reminded me of clients I have worked with who may not only have an eating disorder, pressured to lose weight due to the pop culture’s emphasis on being thin, or skip meals so they can feel   stronger effects of the alcohol.  How many of you who are in recovery or still struggling, remember not eating so you could get a greater buzz on an empty stomach?  I think we all can relate to that. Right?

 

 For many young women, eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia and binge drinking or illicit drug use go hand and hand.  What we see in the media puts out teenagers and young women at a greater risk of developing an eating disorder through the portrayal of unrealistic body images. It is no wonder that women’s magazines contain more than ten times more ads and articles related to weight loss than men’s magazines.

 

 Together or alone, these disorders are lethal.  Some ethnicities such as this young Korean woman, who died, have a reduced amount of enzymes to break down the alcohol, which makes it even more dangerous.  But even with the proper enzymes, just drinking alcohol alone can damage the stomach, esophagus, and liver.  It can also cause malnutrition and reduce the functions of the digestive organs.

 

Other issues related to a lack of nutrients and oxygen include the risk of  a higher pulse rate, heart attack, forgetfulness known as “Wet Brain”, amnesia, and later Alzheimer’s disease in people only in their 40′s and 50.   According to CASA, it also  lists caffeine, tobacco, alcohol, diuretics, laxatives, emetics, amphetamines, cocaine and heroin as other substances used to suppress appetite, increase metabolism, purge unwanted calories and self-medicate negative emotions.  

 
The exhaustive report finds anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa as the eating disorders most commonly linked to substance abuse and for the first time identifies the shared risk factors and shared characteristics of both afflictions. The report lists caffeine, tobacco, alcohol, diuretics, laxatives, emetics, amphetamines, cocaine and heroin as substances used to suppress appetite, increase metabolism, purge unwanted calories and self-medicate negative emotions.

 

Here are some risk factors you may want to be looking for if you know someone who might be suffering from an eating disorder and substance abuse.

1.  Occurs during stressful times.

2.  Family history of the disorder.

3. Low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, low coping skills

4. History of trauma such as sexual or physical abuse

5. Peer pressure

6. Parents who are not present both emotionally and physically

6.  Addiction to celebrities and easily influenced by the media

 

Date Rape and Alcohol

posted by sherrygaba

After watching a Lifetime movie the other night about the disappearance of Natalie Holloway in Aruba, I found myself feeling very uncomfortable in my own skin.  Of course, I was saddened by the loss of this beautiful young lady and the pain her family has and most likely have continued to endure, but something else was bothering me, as well.

I had a pit in my stomach and it hasn’t gone away. Usually that is a sign I have been avoiding something or numbing my feelings.   I began to remember my own vacation getaways usually to Mexico on Club Med retreats when I was much younger.  The days were filled with lying out by the beach, dancing all night, meeting new people, and most of all lots and lots of alcohol consumption. 

I am convinced I could have ended up like Natalie on any one of those vacations.  It is not important to go into the details and to be quite honest; most of my memories are foggy.  What I do know is I abused alcohol and put myself in dangerous situations time and time again.

 It is unclear what happened, but in the television special it appears Jordan van der Sloot, the boy she was last seen with, took her to a secluded beach where he disposed of her body after she passed out.   It had been reported Natalie had been drinking heavily that night, most likely binge drinking. Often teenagers drink too fast and too much, lapsing into heavy intoxication before they know it.  Joran van der Sloot later reported he and Holloway had been drinking heavily that night. It is unclear how she died but it is quite possible she had alcohol poisoning, experienced a seizure, or could have become unconscious and aspirated on her own vomit.

The following are safety tips to avoid what could end up being your very last vacation:

1.       Limit your drinking.  You can’t fight back and protect yourself in a drunken stupor.

2.      Limit your distance and allow yourself space to prepare yourself against a potential attack.

3.      Consider going on a group date.  Remember safety in numbers.

4.      Don’t ever get into a car with a stranger.

5.      Remember to know the laws.  Rape is defined as forcible penetration of any part of the man’s body on the woman’s openings.  However, this may not always have to be expressed. A sexual act on an unconscious woman can also be considered as rape, since she is devoid of reason.

6.      Carry pepper spray, or mace or other self defense objects with you.

We will never know what happened to Natalie, but we do know what can happen to you or your teenage daughters when they put themselves in these horrific situations.  When you binge drink, you lose all your inhibitions and once that happens, you are putting yourself at risk of possibly being raped or worse dying, as poor Natalie did.    

Celebrating a New Kind of Independence this Fourth of July

posted by sherrygaba

I have had the honor of not only working with alcoholics and addicts in private practice, but at many rehabs throughout Malibu.  Not surprisingly, the census is often down around the Fourth of July, just as it is in December before Christmas and New Years.  Many wait until after the holidays to check themselves in and unfortunately many never quite make it at all.  If you are a recovery alcoholic or addict or know someone who is, I am sure you can relate.  Why go to rehab when you may as well wait until the holiday and parties are over because you know there is going to be a lot of drinking and drugging going on and who want to miss that? Right?  Wrong!

Many of my younger clients who actually are lucky enough to make it to rehab, start climbing the walls around this time.  They wonder what they might be missing out on.  I remind them when they are in fantasy mod of what might being going on outside the gates of rehab, what the reality is.  One young man, who thought he was missing out on all the fun realized that what he was really missing was him being locked up in a friend’s bathroom alone, shooting up, with no one around but him and his needle to keep him company.  Gee, that sounds like fun, right?  Another mom in rehab I remember was feeling guilty because she couldn’t experience the joy of her children watching the fireworks.  After a reality check, she realize she has never once watched the joy and sparkle in her children’s eyes because she was too busy blacking out after a full day of margaritas and tequila shots.  The harsh reality is the fantasy of what holiday drinking and drugging is usually just that; a fantasy.  Now that you are sober or thinking of getting sober or know someone who is, you actually have an opportunity to enjoy your friendships this year by being present.  You can bring the holiday in by being aware of all the sights, the sounds, the tastes, the smells, and the delicious surroundings of summer without using or drinking.

The following are some tips to help get you through the holiday without having to yet go another year missing the fourth of July in a drunken stupor.  Perhaps this year you will be able to celebrate another kind of Independence Day, a day of no longer needing alcohol or drugs to have fun.

1.        Call a friend, family member, therapist, life coach, or anyone who can support you if you are having cravings.

2.       Meditate and notice your cravings but don’t get stuck in them.  Instead be a curious observe or your cravings.

3.       Pray, recite the serenity prayer over and over again to remind yourself of what you can and cannot control.

4.       Practice a guided meditation of your favorite destination with people whom you enjoy being with sober.

5.       Pick up your daily mediation or positive mediation books.

Sherry Gaba, LCSW, is an experienced professional in the field of addictions and recovery.  She is the author of “The Law of Sobriety: Attracting Positive Energy for a Powerful Recovery.” A licensed psychotherapist and life coach who attended the famous Coaches Training Institute, Sherry received her Masters of Social Work from the prestigious University of Southern California. With fifteen years of experience as a clinician, she has also worked at some of the top rehab centers including the famed Promises Treatment Center in Malibu, CA. The success of her private practice and coaching program made her the go-to expert for Dr. Drew Pinsky on VH1′s Celebrity Rehab 2 and 3 and its spinoff, Sober House, and she will continue as the Life Coach on Celebrity Rehab 4 summer 2010. Sherry’s expertise has been quoted in Cosmopolitan, New York Daily News, E Online, Elle Online, Huffington Post, and she has appeared on Issues with Jane Velez-Mitchell, Hollywood Confidential, Inside Edition, Dr. Drew Live, Fox News in San Diego, and KTLA-TV in Los Angeles. Sherry is a frequent contributor to anthologies, blogs, and newsletters, is a sought-after speaker, and lives with her family in Southern California where she maintains an active private practice. Visit Sherry at www.sgabatherapy.com.

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