The Celebrity Therapist

A former professor of mine used to say, “What you see depends on where you look”. She was speaking, of course, about the significance of perspective. I suppose it was her adaptation of the philosopher Epictetus’ statement that “Men are not disturbed by things, but by the view which they take of them”.


My professor went on to say that if you are looking for garbage, you will most certainly find it. However, if you are looking for beauty, you will most certainly find that as well. It seems that there is an abundance of both in this world, but the degree to which we focus on one over the other determines how we experience the world: as full of hope and possibility, or as a campaign to make us constantly miserable.


Of course, it’s perfectly normal to become irritated and even angry with certain people and situations at times. However, when carrying around those feelings becomes a way of life, the only one hurt by the constant presence of these emotions is you. It is your heart rate that is racing, your chest that is tight, your time that has evaporated while formulating the perfect retort to someone who has wronged you. Do you really want to feel this way? Probably not.


The author Byron Katie refers to the ancient Chinese wisdom of the Tao Te Ching in her approach to shifting perspective. In her book, A Thousand Names for Joy, she says, “Inside and outside always match — they’re reflections of each other. The world is the mirror image of your mind.” If you believe the world is hostile and will ultimately crush you, your experience of any situation will reflect that belief. People with this worldview often say things like, “Why does this always to me?”


But Katie suggests a subtle, but profound shift to this belief: “Everything happens for you, not to you.” You can begin to see that even the painful or undesirable experiences in life are there for you to learn, to feel something different, or to help you grow and mature as a person.


Try adopting this kind of perspective, even for a day. See if your anxiety decreases and your depression lifts a smidge as you realize there is a lot of beauty out there. You just have to look for it.



Manifesting Tip a Day.

According to Shiv Khera, author of You Can Win, failures most often occur for one of the following seven reasons:

Lack of persistence. More people fail not because they lack knowledge or talent, but just because they quit. It is important to remember two words: persistence and resistance. Persist in what must be done and resist Disappointmentwhat ought not to be done. We all have had setbacks in life. Failing does not mean we are failures!

Lack of conviction. People who lack conviction take the middle of the road. But what happens in the middle of the road? You get run over. People without conviction go along to get along because they lack confidence and courage. They conform in order to get accepted even when they know that what they are doing is wrong.

Rationalizing. Winners may analyze but never rationalize. Losers rationalize and have a book full of excuses to tell you why they could not succeed.

Not learning from past mistakes. Some people live and learn, and some only live. Wise people learn from their mistakes. Failure is a teacher if we have the right attitude. I’ve always said experience is the name we give to our mistakes.

Lack of discipline. Anyone who has accomplished anything worthwhile has never done it without discipline. Discipline takes self-control, sacrifice and avoiding distractions and temptations. It means staying focused.

Poor self-esteem. Poor self-esteem is a lack of self-respect and self-worth. People with low self-esteem are constantly trying to find themselves, rather than creating the person they want to be.

Fatalistic attitude. A fatalistic attitude prevents people from accepting responsibility for their position in life. They attribute success and failure to luck. They resign themselves to their fate, regardless of their efforts, that whatever has to happen will happen anyway.

If you see yourself in any of these, you have the power to change your “failures” into future successes. This is a corrective roadmap for your success and achievement…Take it and drive forward!

says Jackie Lapin who tours the world teaching Conscious Creation and Personal Frequency Management. She is the author of “The Art of Conscious Creation; How You Can Transform the World.

Life is difficult. This is not a news flash, and yet we are confronted with a daily barrage of how wonderful your life “should” be. If only you follow these five easy steps, they promise, you will find contentment and true bliss in your marriage, family, job and physical fitness routine. And! It can all be yours for only $19.99 if you order now. What a deal!

So we follow the steps, pay the money and envision all the wonderful things soon to come our way. Then you get in a fender-bender on the way home from work. Your baby throws up all over your new outfit. The economy takes a dive and you realize you are upside-down in your house mortgage.

And you wonder why. Why does this always happen to me? I’m a good person and trying really hard to do all the things Oprah tells me to.

We begin to wonder if the problem lies with us. We are somehow defective and certainly don’t deserve good things. Enter self-destructive/addictive behaviors, i.e. what we believe we do deserve.

But Thomas Moore, therapist and author, posits that we are looking to all the wrong things and people for the joie de vivre that slips through our fingers.

“Fulfilling work, rewarding relationships, personal power, and relief from symptoms are all gifts of the soul. They are particularly elusive in our time because we don’t believe in the soul and therefore give it no place in our hierarchy of values. We have come to know soul only in its complaints: when it stirs, disturbed by neglect and abuse, and causes us to feel its pain.”

Moore was used to clients coming to him expecting to be “fixed” of what ailed them. His response is unique:

“Care of the soul is a continuous process that concerns itself not so much with ‘fixing’ a central flaw as with attending to the small details of everyday life, as well as to major decisions and changes…the first point to make about care of the soul is that it is not primarily a method of problem solving. Its goal is not to make life problem-free, but to give ordinary life the depth and value that come with soulfulness.” (Care of the Soul: A Guide for Cultivating Depth and Sacredness In Everyday Life)

In learning to make peace with those aspects of yourself and your life you fight the hardest against, life doesn’t necessarily become easier, but much more purposeful and meaningful. And in the process, even happier–no shipping and handling required.


 With 401Ks dwindling and many of us struggling to make ends meet, the thought of giving seems very counterintuitive. The instinct is to cling to what meager portion we may have and make it stretch as far as possible.


However, that knee-jerk reaction may actually place us in a larger state of panic, creating a general view that there isn’t enough: enough money, enough time, enough love, enough strength to continue on in a time of such perceived deficit. And this shift in thinking can really take its toll on our minds and spirits, sending us straight to the nearest bottle, pill or joint in an effort to calm our rising anxiety.


So, how effective can giving in a time of “not enough” possibly be? It does happen to be a concept shared by such luminaries such as  Deepak Chopra.


 Chopra states, “Every relationship is one of give and take. Giving engenders receiving, and receiving engenders giving. What goes up must come down; what goes out must come back. In reality, receiving is the same thing as giving, because giving and receiving are different aspects of the flow of energy in the universe. And if you stop the flow of either, you interfere with nature’s intelligence.” (The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success)


So the theory goes, the more generous you are in spirit–which naturally affects your behavior–the more you actually receive.


Meredith Watkins from Recovery View says generosity need not be monetary. We can give through our unique, innate gifts, such as a home-cooked meal, playing a piece of music for a sick friend or even building an unwieldy dresser from Ikea.


There’s a reason why service is a component in many drug and alcohol treatment programs: it works. It takes the focus off of you for a while and opens your eyes to your place in the larger context of community. So take an opportunity to give to those around you and you might suddenly find yourself surrounded by abundance.