The Celebrity Therapist

The Celebrity Therapist

When Relationships Turn Deadly

posted by sherrygaba

deadlySherry Gaba LCSW, Psychotherapist, Life & Recovery Coach is featured Celebrity Rehab on VH1 and is the author of The Law of Sobriety which uses the law of attraction to recover from any addiction. You can download free E books at www.sherrygaba.com or contact Sherry for webinars, teleseminars, coaching packages and speaking engagements. Listen to Sherry on “A Moment of Change with Sherry Gaba” on CBS Radio. Struggling with your own love junkie dramas? You’re not alone. Join my free newsletter community to get the support you need to stop the madness before it affects your next relationship or the one you are in now.  – Get the Love You Truly Deserve!

With the ongoing Jodie Arias trial the correlation between obsessive love, domestic violence and homicide is again in the news. In this case the murderer, Jodie Arias, is the alleged victim of domestic violence. However, in the vast majority of domestic violence homicides it is the perpetrator, the abuser, who ends up killing the abused partner.

Just how common murder is in domestic violence situations is open for debate. In many situations the violence may be largely emotional, psychological or financial until the victim actually leaves the relationship. The abusive partner, feeling their control over the relationship slipping, may actually escalate in their abuse and move to physical attacks in an attempt to restore their control.

According to the American Bureau of Justice Statistics the vast majority of victims of domestic violence are women. Women are the victims in 4 out of 5 reports, which may partially be a result of the social stigma attached to a man reporting abuse by a female partner. Single females with children tend to have the highest risk for being victims of domestic violence. In addition women that are age 20 to 34, have alcohol or drug addictions or women that live in poverty are at increasing risk for experiencing domestic violence.

In homicides including intimate partners the numbers reflect a downward trend overall. From 1976 to 2004 a key study, The Silent Witness National Initiative, shows the number of women murdered by an intimate partner is always higher than the number of men. The total number of murders for the years of the study was 23,506 men and 40,823 women.  This number, when compared against all female murders, indicates that about one third of all women that are murdered are killed by their intimate partner.

If you are in a situation where you are abused, fearful or concerned about your intimate partner’s behavior or emotional control there are some things that you can do. It is important to:

1.     Report the abuse to the authorities as well as to friends, support people and safe people in your life.  Do not assume it will get better if you remain silent and with the person.

2.     Get away from the abuser as avoid returning to the abusive situation because of guilty, remorse, or  love. If they are not going to change the situation is going to escalate over time and the risk of serious harm or death becomes greater.

3.     Seek counseling and support to understand the relationship and how love addiction may be putting you in negative relationships that are more likely to result in abuse.

Bad Habit Or Destructive Compulsive Behavior: Is There A Difference?

posted by sherrygaba

Sherry Gaba LCSW, Psychotherapist, Life & Recovery Coach is featured  Celebrity Rehab on VH1. Sherry is the author of “The Law of Sobriety” which uses the law of attraction to  recover from any addiction. Please download your free E books at sherrygaba.com.   Contact Sherry for webinars, teleseminars, coaching packages and speaking  engagements. Listen to Sherry on “A Moment of Change with Sherry Gaba” on CBS Radio.  Struggling with your own love junkie dramas? You’re not alone. Join my free newsletter community to get the support you need to  stop the madness before it affects your next relationship or the one you are in  now. – Get the Love You Truly Deserve!

Many people have a difficult time in determining if a negative or problematic behavior is just a bad habit or if it may be a much more significant problem. Generally we see a bad habit as something that can be relatively easy to change if we just apply a little bit of willpower and self-control. For some behaviors that may be true for many people it is not an issue of lack of will-power or self-control that is driving the behavior.

 

Compulsive behavior is more than just a bad habit. In fact, compulsive behavior is defined as a repetitive behavior or act that does not produce any type of satisfaction or reward for the person. In many cases the behavior or repetitive act is destructive and damaging to the person’s life in a variety of ways. In contrast bad habits typically result in some type of reward for the person, at least at the onset of the behavior. A win at the poker table, that satisfaction with finding a great deal in the store or the thrill of meeting a new person online are the rewards that make the behavior justifiable even though it may be something counterproductive to the person’s life.

 

There are many different types of compulsive behaviors, which, depending on the specific behavior, may be easily identified as an addiction. Not all rise to the level of OCD or obsessive compulsive behavior, but they are definitely much more significant than a bad habit. Common addictions that have a compulsive behavior component include:

  • Shopping
  • Gambling
  • Eating
  • Hoarding
  • Texting, talking or being      online
  • Hair removal      (Trichotillomania)
  • Picking at the skin
  • Sex
  • Hand washing
  • Counting

People with compulsive behaviors cannot simply “change” their behavior or stop the action. They need to have counseling, support and treatment to be able to learn to manage the compulsive behavior so it no longer negatively impacts their life.

Three Tips To Finding Tue Love

posted by sherrygaba

Sherry Gaba LCSW, Psychotherapist, Life & Recovery Coach is featured Celebrity Rehab on VH1 and is the author of “The Law of Sobriety” which uses the law of attraction to recover from any addiction. You can download free E books at www.sherrygaba.com or contact Sherry for webinars, teleseminars, coaching packages and speaking engagements. Listen to Sherry on “A Moment of Change with Sherry Gaba” on CBS Radio. Struggling with your own love junkie dramas? You’re not alone. Join my free newsletter community to get the support you need to stop the madness before it affects your next relationship or the one you are in now.  – Get the Love You Truly Deserve!

Spring is the time for new beginnings and for a renewal of life. It is also a time when singles really start to focus in on finding that perfect new relationship. Warmer weather brings about new opportunities to meet people and to discover that elusive soul mate.

Unfortunately when people are actively seeking a relationship they tend to make poor decisions, especially if they impose an artificial timeline on top of the process. One of the most important lessons if you are single is to realize that finding the right person is more important than finding “a” person. Often when people are just looking for someone to fill a role, the boyfriend or the girlfriend, the wrong type of relationship flourishes.

To prevent this from happening consider the following three tips to get you started on the path to finding the person that is meant to be with you.

Tip 1: Know What You Really Want In a Partner

This means actually taking the time to think about the traits and characteristics you are looking for. This is well beyond the physical attributes, but really gets to the quality of person you are seeking. Be very specific in your list of desired attributes and be sure to actually write them down. Prioritize this list and then, when you meet a perspective new date, mentally make a comparison.

People that don’t have the essential characteristics you desire can still be friends but they should not become part of your life as a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Tip 2: Know Your Own Emotional State

If you are stressed, upset, lonely or desperate to have someone or anyone in your life you are much less likely to find a good match. In fact, you are more likely to attract a person that also has issues in relationships since you will “settle” for people that may be unhappy, controlling or even mentally abusive. Understanding where you are emotionally is critical and doing work to get yourself to an emotionally healthy and happy state will help you attract people that are also in that same desirable place.

Tip 3: Get Involved in Life

Getting involved in community activities, hobbies, sports or recreational events or even in continuing education opportunities is a great way to meet people that have the same interests as you do. This is also a better place to be able to evaluate the person based on these interactions than meeting in a bar or getting set up by a well-meaning friend.

 

Does Celebrity Rehab Have Anything to do with Mindy McCready’s Death? Not. Addiction and Mental Illness Does!

posted by sherrygaba

Sherry Gaba LCSW, Psychotherapist, Life & Recovery Coach is featured Celebrity Rehab on VH1. Sherry is the author of “The Law of Sobriety” which uses the law of attraction to recover from any addiction. Please download your free E books at sherrygaba.com. Contact Sherry for webinars, teleseminars, coaching packages and speaking engagements. Listen to Sherry on “A Moment of Change with Sherry Gaba” on CBS Radio. Struggling with your own love junkie dramas? You’re not alone. Join my free newsletter community to get the support you need to stop the madness before it affects your next relationship or the one you are in now. – Get the Love You Truly Deserve!

As someone who both worked on air and behind the scenes of Celebrity Rehab, I am continually asked, does the cast of Celebrity Rehab get the treatment they need and if so, why now five deaths? My answer is always the same. There is no cure for addiction and alcoholism but there is treatment. The treatment is simple; but it is people that complicate it. It entails going to 12 step meetings, getting a sponsor, having a higher power in your life (whatever that higher power is whether it is Buddha, God, the room of Alcoholics Anonymous or nature), seeking psychotherapy or a psychiatrist if medically necessary, and having a fellowship of friends that will support you as you go through the recovery process. This is the same treatment for anyone in recovery.
Unfortunately, for celebrities, musicians, and singers such as Mindy McCready, there is so much pressure to be seen in the highest regard by their fans and the public that pressure to be “perfect”, sometimes takes priority. The shame that Mindy was feeling for her to leave treatment saddens me and is heart breaking. It is already difficult to get sober and to work a rigorous program of recovery, but to feel “less than” when you reach out for help is appalling. A solid recovery plan is what keeps addicts and alcoholics sober and those suffering from mental illness stable. Mindy was entitled to that and shame on the public for judging her or judging anyone willing to show the pain that goes into getting sober on Celebrity Rehab.

Celebrity Rehab is no different from any other rehab or psychiatric facility in that when the treatment is over, the cast members were given a discharge treatment plans to follow. When the plan is followed, long term sobriety is possible. For celebrities with their heavy schedules, public pressure, and being pulled in multiple directions by their “handlers”, they don’t always follow their treatment plans.

Mindy was alone, isolated, depressed, and suffering from multiple losses, from losing her children to the death of her soul mate. The pain was too great for her to bare, and I only hope that her death is a reminder of the seriousness of addiction, alcoholism, and mental illness; and if someone you know is crying out for help, please acknowledge their pain and get them the help they need.

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