Beliefnet
The Celebrity Therapist

action plan    Today I want to do a little something together.  You’re going to need a pen and paper, because we are going to write our action plans for the day (if you’re reading this at night, go ahead and do tomorrow’s).

As a codependent, one of the things I tend to do is procrastinate.  Some things don’t seem as important, and they go to the bottom of my list.  Something as simple as doing the dishes will be left for days, because I live alone and it doesn’t bother me, so why do them?  Beyond that, I forget to do things I had planned, or I plan to do too much, and then berate myself for not getting it all accomplished.  Making an action plan has helped me remain accountable to myself for the things I want to do, and it helps me adjust my goals if I find that something stays on my plan for more than a few days.  When this happens, I look at the task, and see if I can break it into smaller, more completable goals that won’t discourage me.

So, get your pen and paper, and write down all of the things you would like to accomplish today, big or small.  Do you need to run an errand, or complete a project at work?  Add it to the list!  Try to do what you can on it during the day, but remember to be kind to yourself if you don’t complete something – this isn’t a binding contract!  Try to do this for the next three days.  After that, check in with yourself.  Do you need to break a goal into smaller tasks?  Go ahead!  As you complete tasks and mark them off of your action plan, give yourself a cheer, because no matter what it is, it was worth accomplishing, and it is worth celebrating.

 

Sherry Gaba, LCSW

Sherry Gaba, LCSW, Radio Host, Certified Transformation Coach and author of  the award winning book, The Law of Sobriety:Attracting Positive Energy for a Powerful Recovery and Ecourse www.wakeuprecovery.com. www.sherrygaba.com sherry@sgabatherapy.com.  Find out if you are #codependent. Take my quiz.  http://sherrygaba.com/co-dependency-quiz/

vision     I think it’s safe to say that most of us have heard someone say, “Visualize what you want and you will get/achieve it,” in our lifetimes.  If we’re lucky, we’ve heard it more than once, and if we are even luckier, we’ve tried one ourselves and found that it can be a great tool.  If you have yet to discover them, then today is for you!

Today’s project can be one of two things: either write out a vision statement of what you would like your life to look like in three to five years, or create a vision board filled with photos that represent what you want your future to look like.  It’s a fun project, and it helps us really realize exactly what we want.

The vision board or statement works through the law of attraction.  The energy that you put into the universe through it is what you are going to attract back.  If you are able to, look at your board or read your statement every day.  Remind yourself what it is you need and desire, and let the universe know what you want so that it may respond appropriately.

When I am struggling to move forward, make decisions, or simply just feel stagnant in life, I use this tool.  When I start writing or finding photos for one aspect of my life, other ideas begin to roll in, and it helps me get my blood flowing again.  Hopefully it can do the same for someone else!

Try this with me today if you haven’t already, and if you have, go ahead and make a new one!  Be detailed.  Be creative.  Use as many specific examples as you can.  The more you envision, the more you will attract!

 Sherry Gaba, LCSW, Radio Host, Certified Transformation Coach and author of  the award winning book, The Law of Sobriety:Attracting Positive Energy for a Powerful Recovery and Ecourse www.wakeuprecovery.com. www.sherrygaba.com sherry@sgabatherapy.com.  Find out if you are #codependent. Take my quiz.  http://sherrygaba.com/co-dependency-quiz/

codep     When I first realized I was a codependent, one of the things that I began to understand was that I lived my life playing the victim.  Everything was always happening TO me, people were always doing harm to me, and I was completely innocent, and the list could go on forever.  I victimized myself, and I wallowed in every bad emotion I had.  Doing this made me lose sight of the good things in life.

Today, I’d like everyone to grab a pen and paper so that we can make gratitude lists.  This is one of the tools that helps me feel good about myself and my life, and it helped reframe the misery I was putting myself in.

When I was miserable and wallowing in self-pity and self-loathing, everything seemed like a direct attack to me, and everything was going to ruin my life.  There was no getting over something or moving on from it.  There was no silver lining.  Creating a gratitude list has required me to look for the silver lining in every situation, and to see that even though really negative shit happens in our life, it is how we perceive it that makes the difference.

Start making your gratitude list now, and see if you can’t add to it a bit during the day.  Before you go to sleep tonight, finish adding whatever you would like.  Read it aloud to yourself, or to a friend if you have one you feel comfortable doing so with.

Don’t be afraid to add “bad” things to your list.  For example, maybe you missed your bus and were frustrated early on, and then later in the day something happened that made you realize you were supposed to miss that bus.  Even if you did just miss your bus, and you were late with nothing to make up for it later…add it to your list!  You may not be grateful for it now, but just adding it to the list can attach positive emotions to it and make you feel better about it!

“If you want to find happiness, find gratitude.”- Steve Maraboli

Sherry Gaba, LCSW, Radio Host, Certified Transformation Coach and author of  the award winning book, The Law of Sobriety:Attracting Positive Energy for a Powerful Recovery and Ecourse www.wakeuprecovery.com. www.sherrygaba.com sherry@sgabatherapy.com.  Find out if you are #codependent. Take my quiz.  http://sherrygaba.com/co-dependency-quiz/

finger     Many of us have heard the phrase, “When you point your finger at someone else, remember you have three fingers pointed back at you.”  It took me a long time to truly get an understanding for this phrase.  It wasn’t until going into recovery for codependence that I finally realized what it meant.  Now, it is a sort of tool that I use to help guide myself in my own recovery.

One of my biggest problems was judging and criticizing others.  I would blame them for things that I had a hand in, and I would comment on how something they were doing was irritating me.  When I began recovery, I started looking at myself rather than others.  In doing my fourth step,  my eyes were truly opened to my behaviors and actions.  Suddenly, I realized I was all of the things I saw in others that bothered me about them.  That’s why they bothered me so much!

Now, even though I am working on not judging and not criticizing, it’s still an ingrained reaction, and I find myself doing it sometimes.  Instead of ignoring it and not caring that I am acting this way, I take a moment to use it as a tool.  I ask myself what it is that bothers me so much, and then I bring it inward and try to see if I can’t find times where I have acted similarly.  This tool has really helped bring me out of denial and avoidance!

It’s much harder to look at ourselves than it is to look at someone else and point out what we dislike.  There is so much pain stored inside, that the idea of really looking at ourselves is daunting, if only for the reason that we are convinced that we won’t like what we see.  The beauty of looking inward is that we truly begin to recover.  We cannot participate in our own recovery if we are busy focusing on someone else.  So today, I would like you to try to remember the phrase, “Spot it, you got it!”  If you find yourself annoyed with a person, try and use it to guide you into seeing a little bit more about yourself.  Don’t be afraid!

Sherry Gaba, LCSW, Radio Host, Certified Transformation Coach and author of  the award winning book, The Law of Sobriety:Attracting Positive Energy for a Powerful Recovery and Ecourse www.wakeuprecovery.com. www.sherrygaba.com sherry@sgabatherapy.com.  Find out if you are #codependent. Take my quiz.  http://sherrygaba.com/co-dependency-quiz/