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The Celebrity Therapist

date yourself    Over the past three years, I’ve done a lot of soul-searching in my recovery from codependence.  I did not have my own identity, and I didn’t even know what things I really liked to do, watch, or listen to.  I’d like you to ask yourself when was the last time that you did something completely for yourself.  What did you do?  What do you remember the best about it?  I know for me, it had been almost my entire life that I did things for others and not for myself.

Doing things for ourselves and having our own identities is so important to our health and well-being.  When I started recovery and learned about these things, I didn’t know how to go about finding out who I was or the things that I liked.  A recovery friend told me about the idea of dating myself, and I knew that it was something I could do to find out a little more about myself, and I hope you can too.

Part of finding out who we are involves a lot of guess and check.  We don’t know if we like or dislike an activity until we try it.  We can take a guess, but now we want to KNOW.  I’d like you to take a moment to write down a few things about yourself.  What do you know you like, and what do you know you dislike?  After that, I’d like you to write down a few things that you are unsure of doing.  Is there something you would be willing to try?  If so, go for it!  Keep adding to this list when you think of things.

Another important part of dating yourself is being kind to yourself.  Think about how you would treat someone you liked that you were on a date with.  You would probably be your kindest self, asking thoughtful questions and perhaps even complimentary.  This is the way you should be treating yourself!

Treat yourself to dates by yourself (or even invite a friend!) when you’ve had a hard day.  You don’t have to always do something new!  Sometimes we need our tried and true methods of relaxation, and that is absolutely okay.  Dating yourself is about taking care of yourself and getting to know yourself!

Tips:

1-Do new things you wouldn’t normally try, and make note of the things you would be willing to do again.

2-Be kind to yourself, much like you would a close friend.

3-Treat yourself to dates by yourself

 Sherry Gaba, LCSW, Radio Host, Certified Transformation Coach and author of  the award winning book, The Law of Sobriety:Attracting Positive Energy for a Powerful Recovery and Ecourse www.wakeuprecovery.com. www.sherrygaba.com sherry@sgabatherapy.com.  Find out if you are #codependent. Take my quiz.  http://sherrygaba.com/co-dependency-quiz/ 30 minute strategy session with Sherry http://sherrygaba.com/product/30-minute-strategy-session-sherry-gaba/

denial1     Denial…It ain’t just a river in Egypt!  The degrees of it in our lives vary, but I firmly believe that every single human on Earth has experienced it at some point in our lives.  This is because, for a time, denial serves us.  We deny what we cannot accept or handle, and it protects us from ourselves.  But it cannot last forever.  At some point, the veil falls, and we become hyperaware of whatever it is we were trying to deny, which can be so painful.  We may feel shame from it, or aggravated from it, but that can be normal when beginning to process things we have denied for so long!

Sometimes, it looks easier to be in denial.  As the saying goes, “Ignorance is bliss.”  Denial does not stay blissful for long.  It becomes a monster that grows and grows, skewing our behavior, creating chaos and unmanageability in our lives.  Denial and control go hand in hand; as long as we deny that we are being controlling and do not change our behavior, we will continue to control and deny as a form of trying to feel in control in the mess that we’ve gotten into.

How do we defeat denial, then?  What can we do to thrust ourselves from denial and into recovery from it?  The key is acceptance.  Rather than using all of our energy to fight against something that we cannot escape, we can accept that there is an issue, and go about trying to solve it.  We will save energy, and feel less chaotic if we begin to accept.  Accepting things about ourselves does not mean that we are giving up.  It means that we are standing up, willing and ready to fight whatever comes our way from a place of strength rather than anxiety.

I hope that today, you can challenge yourself to look inward and see if there is anything you think you’re having a hard time accepting.  If there is, remind yourself that it’s okay to accept ourselves for who we are, even if we feel as though we have to make changes in our behavior.  Once you start accepting, you can begin recovering!

Sherry Gaba, LCSW, Radio Host, Certified Transformation Coach and author of  the award winning book, The Law of Sobriety:Attracting Positive Energy for a Powerful Recovery and Ecourse www.wakeuprecovery.com. www.sherrygaba.com sherry@sgabatherapy.com.  Find out if you are #codependent. Take my quiz.  http://sherrygaba.com/co-dependency-quiz/

action plan    Today I want to do a little something together.  You’re going to need a pen and paper, because we are going to write our action plans for the day (if you’re reading this at night, go ahead and do tomorrow’s).

As a codependent, one of the things I tend to do is procrastinate.  Some things don’t seem as important, and they go to the bottom of my list.  Something as simple as doing the dishes will be left for days, because I live alone and it doesn’t bother me, so why do them?  Beyond that, I forget to do things I had planned, or I plan to do too much, and then berate myself for not getting it all accomplished.  Making an action plan has helped me remain accountable to myself for the things I want to do, and it helps me adjust my goals if I find that something stays on my plan for more than a few days.  When this happens, I look at the task, and see if I can break it into smaller, more completable goals that won’t discourage me.

So, get your pen and paper, and write down all of the things you would like to accomplish today, big or small.  Do you need to run an errand, or complete a project at work?  Add it to the list!  Try to do what you can on it during the day, but remember to be kind to yourself if you don’t complete something – this isn’t a binding contract!  Try to do this for the next three days.  After that, check in with yourself.  Do you need to break a goal into smaller tasks?  Go ahead!  As you complete tasks and mark them off of your action plan, give yourself a cheer, because no matter what it is, it was worth accomplishing, and it is worth celebrating.

 

Sherry Gaba, LCSW

Sherry Gaba, LCSW, Radio Host, Certified Transformation Coach and author of  the award winning book, The Law of Sobriety:Attracting Positive Energy for a Powerful Recovery and Ecourse www.wakeuprecovery.com. www.sherrygaba.com sherry@sgabatherapy.com.  Find out if you are #codependent. Take my quiz.  http://sherrygaba.com/co-dependency-quiz/

vision     I think it’s safe to say that most of us have heard someone say, “Visualize what you want and you will get/achieve it,” in our lifetimes.  If we’re lucky, we’ve heard it more than once, and if we are even luckier, we’ve tried one ourselves and found that it can be a great tool.  If you have yet to discover them, then today is for you!

Today’s project can be one of two things: either write out a vision statement of what you would like your life to look like in three to five years, or create a vision board filled with photos that represent what you want your future to look like.  It’s a fun project, and it helps us really realize exactly what we want.

The vision board or statement works through the law of attraction.  The energy that you put into the universe through it is what you are going to attract back.  If you are able to, look at your board or read your statement every day.  Remind yourself what it is you need and desire, and let the universe know what you want so that it may respond appropriately.

When I am struggling to move forward, make decisions, or simply just feel stagnant in life, I use this tool.  When I start writing or finding photos for one aspect of my life, other ideas begin to roll in, and it helps me get my blood flowing again.  Hopefully it can do the same for someone else!

Try this with me today if you haven’t already, and if you have, go ahead and make a new one!  Be detailed.  Be creative.  Use as many specific examples as you can.  The more you envision, the more you will attract!

 Sherry Gaba, LCSW, Radio Host, Certified Transformation Coach and author of  the award winning book, The Law of Sobriety:Attracting Positive Energy for a Powerful Recovery and Ecourse www.wakeuprecovery.com. www.sherrygaba.com sherry@sgabatherapy.com.  Find out if you are #codependent. Take my quiz.  http://sherrygaba.com/co-dependency-quiz/

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