Sweet Shore

Sweet Shore

Adultery or Not Adultery? (2)

Thanks for all of your comments on my previous post…

So, let’s take the discussion about adultery a step further, shall we?

I’m really interested in finding out what people think…I’m not trying to sensationalize this at all.  What if a man engages in sexual activity (the “M” word) while watching internet pornography?  Does that constitute an unfaithful act if he is married?

If he’s not married, are there no boundaries as long as no physical contact with another person occurs?


I know that internet porn is a big joke to a lot of people–just watch a few sitcoms and see how many times it’s brought up as something everybody does and “what’s the big deal anyhow?”

Where exactly is the line to be drawn?  If we define adultery or sex outside of marriage as only occurring if there is an actual physically intimate act with another person, what exactly constitutes that “physical act?”

Can you passionately kiss a person you’re not married to and still be faithful to your spouse?

Is it only when intercourse actually occurs that adultery has happened?

I believe that the point Jesus was making is not that we never have a fleeting thought about sex or hating someone…I would agree that that is totally normal and something every human on the planet has on a daily basis.  What I do know, though, is that when a person habitually engages in and is consumed by thoughts about sexual activity outside of their marriage, it destroys relationships.  When this happens over time, there is both an emotional and physical disconnect in the marriage.


I actually believe that the internet provides a way for a person to be unfaithful to his or her vows without ever leaving the privacy of his/her own home or having physical contact with another human being.  It provides a way for a marriage partner to emotionally and physically leave the marriage. The damage done to marriages is often catastrophic.

I admit that my opinions are influenced by my faith and what I believe the Bible teaches about keeping oneself pure and undefiled by the world.  It’s increasingly more difficult to do these days with all sin being public and discussed openly and the apparent lack of shame in our society.

Any thoughts?


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posted June 20, 2011 at 10:31 am

Adultery would involve any level of sexually based two-way exchange between two parties outside of marriage with the intent to stimulate each other. This two-way exchange could be physical, visual, data(‘sexting’)or through phone conversations. Pornography is not a two-way exchange.

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posted June 18, 2011 at 9:15 pm

It is not only through intercourse that adultery occurs. Any repeaded sexual thought outside of the marriage consitutes adultery. As you said, it separates the two people in the marriage emotionally and spiritually. It can bring grave circumstances.

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L hoffmann

posted June 18, 2011 at 12:13 pm

dstruction of the marriage- internet porn can become an addiction & often does- addictions destroy a marriage- does it matter if it is actual adultery if it destroys the relationship? Aren’t we splitting hairs? if pressed- I would say it is adultery- one form of it. It is Like Bill Clinton claiming that oral sex does not consittue adultery because it is not full blown intercourse- Most people I know would not agre with that statement. I think a passionate kiss outside the marriage puts one on a very slippery slope which in fact leeads to adultery. We are called to monitor not only our actions but also our thoughts.

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posted June 18, 2011 at 8:56 am

We live in a society that has neturalized “sin”….sensationalized it, and embraced it as “relative”….in the whatever feels good is up to me ideal.
There appear to no longer be any “authoritive” places where people park their decision making where actions and attitudes are “my own business”. But Jesus tells us that “our lives are not our own…we are bought with a price….the precious blood of His own body”…there is a higher mentality to living that most people have chosen to abort….and so until we practice daily what Paul calls us to do in Ephesians 6…putting on the whole armor of God, realizing that our discipleship includes “policing” the thoughts that eventually initiate behavior, we are subject to the power of our flesh regardless of what that involves.
Choosing to take control in the Spirit over our bodies is a godly thing, and one we are all called to do, and held accountable in Christ’s amazing love to enable us to continue to live and walk the “narrow” road. At the end of the day, it will be about our choices, and the Grace of God we have chosen to embrace.

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Kevin D. Williams

posted June 18, 2011 at 8:43 am

But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. I’d say that’s simple enough wouldn’t you?

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