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Stuff Christian Culture Likes

Stuff Christian Culture Likes

Bio

At one point or another I've been a willing participant in almost all the things I talk about here. I sort of consider myself an expert on Christian culture as I am a preacher's kid and I'm also married to a preacher's kid.  Christian culture is funny because it doesn't have much (if anything) to do with Christ himself.

auf Wiedersehen

posted by Stephanie Drury

auf Wiedersehen

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#210 Mandatory chapel at Bible college

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian colleges know they can’t actually make you worship, but they can make you appear to worship, and that’s good enough for them.

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#209 Perceiving persecution

posted by Stephanie Drury

Jesus said being persecuted goes with the territory of following him, and some of those followers are really on the lookout.

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#208 Missionary dating

posted by Stephanie Drury

When someone in Christian culture meets a delicious non-Christian they will usually assume a missionary position with them.

#207 Marrying young

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture gets married young. You just can’t fornicate if you’re married, and that takes care of that.

#206 “You are now entering the mission field” signs

posted by Stephanie Drury

89% of evangelical church parking lots contain one of these signs. But the sign is never positioned so that you see it while you’re driving into the lot. It’s so you can only see it when you’re driving away.

#112 Not Xmas

posted by Stephanie Drury

Although X has been used for centuries as a sanctioned abbreviation for ??????? (Greek for Christ), Christian culture has a sneaking suspicion this is really a calculated method to nudge Christ out of his own holiday.

#205 Capitalism

posted by Stephanie Drury

If you have spent time within American Christian culture, you have probably inferred that free-market capitalism is God’s chosen economic system.

#109 Keeping Christ in Christmas

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture is alarmed by all things politically correct. They say the increasing use of the phrase happy holidays is an affront to keeping Christ in Christmas and it’s just one more sign that this country is headed for hell in a handbasket.

#204 Not giving money to the homeless

posted by Stephanie Drury

Evangelicals will sooner pass them by than give them money.

#203 Using visual aids during sermons

posted by Stephanie Drury

Nothing gives your sermons that extra something quite like visual aids. They’re the only kind of AIDS Christian culture openly embraces.

#105 Wondering what atheists do on Thanksgiving

posted by Stephanie Drury

Atheists don’t get much clemency from Christian culture. They are generally thought to be misguided and inclined to despair.

#202 Elisabeth Elliot

posted by Stephanie Drury

Elisabeth Elliot is an exalted figure amongst evangelicals. They regard her with similar reverence which with Catholics regard the Virgin Mary.

#90 Being pro-life while simultaneously supporting the war

posted by Stephanie Drury

The considerable loss of innocent life during war doesn’t seem to strike Christian culture as any sort of inconsistency.

#201 Dry weddings

posted by Stephanie Drury

The dry wedding is the standard sort of wedding in Christian culture.

#200 Ovation guitars

posted by Stephanie Drury

The worship leader wants to strum. To do this he needs an acoustic guitar, but they’re hard to mic without getting a lot of god-awful feedback.

#15 Dry humping

posted by Stephanie Drury

This is the complete inverse of waiting to kiss until your wedding day.

#12 Waiting until your wedding day to kiss

posted by Stephanie Drury

Who does this? Well, a lot of Christians do.

#199 Countering the gay agenda

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture feels the recent anti-bullying legislation is a subversive means to infiltrate the vulnerable younger generation with the homosexual agenda.

#100 Not Harry Potter

posted by Stephanie Drury

Lots of churches have banned Harry Potter books and costumes, should you be attending a Halloween-alternative fall festival.

#198 Saying “freaking”

posted by Stephanie Drury

Replacement swear words are a key component of the Christian culture vernacular.

#87 Getting rid of their secular music

posted by Stephanie Drury

There comes a time in every young evangelical’s life when he must roll up his sleeves, raise the black flag, and commence destroying his secular music.

#197 Multi-site churches

posted by Stephanie Drury

As evangelical churches vie to become bigger by use of business tactics, they’re outgrowing their buildings. As such, the multi-site church has sprung whole from the American business model.

#196 Not yoga

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture thinks yoga is a gate to the fires of hell.

#195 Theological masturbation

posted by Stephanie Drury

Anyone who has ever been moved by the pithy Chesterton quote or pastoral challenge to Do Something wants to issue quotes and challenges themselves.

#194 Marketing spirituality

posted by Stephanie Drury

This is Jim. He could become a member of your church if you play your cards right.

#70 Microphone headsets

posted by Stephanie Drury

They were once worn only by McDonald’s drive-thru workers and Britney Spears, but now microphone headsets are becoming a standard fixture on non-denominational pastors.

#193 Hooking up with the youth pastor

posted by Stephanie Drury

This is a time-honored evangelical tradition which Christian culture is loath to speak of.

#192 PDA via Facebook status

posted by Stephanie Drury

Not all people who do this are Christians, but 93% of them are. The remaining 7% are rogue non-Christians who are unabashed corndogs.

#191 See You At The Pole

posted by Stephanie Drury

See You At The Pole Day is upon us. Not to be confused with See You Next Tuesday, it is an annual event in which students pray at the flagpole of their school before classes start.

#190 Calling anger bitterness

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture doesn’t have a lot of room for people’s hurt, especially when the hurt was caused by the Church.

#189 Not The New Pornographers

posted by Stephanie Drury

A Christian college in Michigan recently acquiesced to pressure from its alumni and supporters after scheduling The New Pornographers to play on their campus.

#188 Hipster Christianity

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture is sure there’s a way to be cool and be a Christian at the same time. They just don’t know what that way is exactly.

#187 Contemporary and traditional worship services

posted by Stephanie Drury

Evangelical churches are big on customer service. The last thing they want to do is alienate certain demographics.

#99 Taking up a pipe at Bible college

posted by Stephanie Drury

American evangelicals conventionally eschew the smoking of anything but an exception is somehow made when a seminary student takes up the inevitable pipe.

#186 Witnessing on airplanes

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture regards airplanes as excellent settings for evangelism.

#185 The stay-at-home pastor’s wife

posted by Stephanie Drury

There is an unwritten rule in Christian culture that pastor’s wives do not work outside the home.

#184 Saying “Now, I know what you’re thinking.”

posted by Stephanie Drury

This is a fun little catchphrase that every pastor keeps chambered. He uses it after saying something he imagines was startling.

#183 Not the mosque at Ground Zero

posted by Stephanie Drury

Much of American Christian culture opposes the plans for a mosque to be built at Ground Zero.

#182 Swank church buildings

posted by Stephanie Drury

Who wants visit a boring-looking church with lame fonts and hymnals?

#181 Jim Elliot

posted by Stephanie Drury

Jim Elliot is now blisteringly famous within Christian culture for being a martyr of the faith.

#180 Quiet times

posted by Stephanie Drury

The quiet time is a hallowed institution in Christian culture.

#179 Abusing “awesome”

posted by Stephanie Drury

“Awesome” is Christian culture’s favorite adjective for God. It’s their default descriptor when speaking of him.

#86 Leaving a gospel tract with the tip

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture is historically known for leaving a gospel tract when they tip in restaurants.

#178 Proposition 8

posted by Stephanie Drury

With the overturning of Proposition 8, Christian culture is certain the end times are upon us.

#177 Family bumper stickers

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture likes to display their families in stick-figure effigy on their vans and SUVs

#176 Not Anne Rice

posted by Stephanie Drury

Hoo boy, they’re pissed! Last week Anne Rice said she’s done with being a Christian, and Christian culture couldn’t be more indignant.

#175 The word “faith-walk”

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture is the only demographic to employ the term “faith-walk.”

#174 Public polls

posted by Stephanie Drury

The evangelical pastor conducts unscientific polls from the pulpit, and the evangelical congregation consistently responds in the affirmative.

#75 The Passion of the Christ

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture loves this movie. It is the only R-rated movie they heartily endorse.

#173 “Essential” Bible guides

posted by Stephanie Drury

Wow, that book is essential? Do you have any documentation on that?

#172 Calvin praying at the cross

posted by Stephanie Drury

Bumpers and rear windows across America are rife with stickers of Calvin either peeing or praying.

#37 Not masturbating

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christians are preoccupied with this subject, perhaps to the point of obsession.

#171 Church iPhone apps

posted by Stephanie Drury

Churches that fancy themselves relevant, missional and/or emergent either already have an iPhone app or are working on one as we speak.

#170 Dramatic key changes

posted by Stephanie Drury

After singing the chorus nine times in a row, the worship team likes to kick it up a notch.

#45 Purity rings

posted by Stephanie Drury

For all this talk about purity, the gray areas are not discussed.

#169 Relevant pastor-speak

posted by Stephanie Drury

A current phenomenon in Christian culture is for church leaders to speak with a certain cadence and inflection.

#168 Africa

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture sure likes Africa. It is their continent of choice for missions work.

#78 Miss California 2009, Carrie Prejean

posted by Stephanie Drury

Carrie Prejean says that her statement on gay marriage cost her the Miss USA title and Christian culture seems to agree.

#167 Visual media

posted by Stephanie Drury

A church video is often produced by the church’s creative team who work closely with the worship leader.

#166 The Sinner’s Prayer

posted by Stephanie Drury

The sinner’s prayer is Christian culture’s litmus test for salvation.

#165 Camping out on a verse

posted by Stephanie Drury

“Camp out” is code for “this is going to take awhile.”

#164 Reserved parking for the pastor

posted by Stephanie Drury

Pastors are known to get territorial in the parking lot.

#163 Unattractive church secretaries

posted by Stephanie Drury

Some pastors make it a practice to hire staff they aren’t attracted to in order to reduce temptation.

#32 Formulas

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture likes to dissect prominent Christians’ lives and figure out how they do stuff.

#162 Grape juice in lieu of communion wine

posted by Stephanie Drury

Many Christian churches in north America use grape juice instead of wine for communion, even though Jesus served wine at the Lord’s supper.

#161 One-piece swimsuits

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian summer camp is strenuously anti-flesh. They want as little as possible on display.

#160 Bible verse as Facebook status

posted by Stephanie Drury

When Facebook asks “What’s on your mind?” the Christian’s answer is often a verse. And just as often, dozens of people (presumably also Christians) click that they “like” it, no matter how obscure the reference.

#159 Screen printed dress shirts

posted by Stephanie Drury

When his Ed Hardy hoodie is just too casual, the discerning gentleman opts for a screen printed dress shirt.

#83 Memorial Day

posted by Stephanie Drury

Memorial Day doesn’t have anything to do with Jesus, but Christian culture sure does get behind it.

#158 Censoring the comments

posted by Stephanie Drury

When you go to comment at a Christian’s blog there is a good chance it’ll say “your comment will be visible after approval.”

My religion podcast

posted by Stephanie Drury

The podcast is up now, you can listen to it at…

#157 Lost

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christians love “Lost” like they love “24.”

#156 Hedge of protection

posted by Stephanie Drury

When praying for somone’s safety, Christians use the phrase “hedge of protection.” They just can’t help themselves.

#155 Sharing a Facebook account

posted by Stephanie Drury

Not all Christian couples share a Facebook account, but the people who do tend to be Christians.

#154 The word “backsliding”

posted by Stephanie Drury

Backsliding is a word used by Christians when people fall away from the faith. The adjective form is “backslidden,” the present participle is “backsliding,” and if you want to sound southern the past participle is “backslid.”

#153 Mother’s Day

posted by Stephanie Drury

Mother’s Day doesn’t have anything to do with Christianity, but churches really get into it.

#152 Not the swimsuit issue

posted by Stephanie Drury

Men in Christian culture see the swimsuit issue as their kryptonite.

#151 The National Day of Prayer

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture has really thrown itself into preserving the National Day of Prayer.

#150 The unspoken prayer request

posted by Stephanie Drury

Announcing an unspoken prayer request leaves the rest of the group to speculate as to what could possibly be the matter.

#149 Calling the lobby the narthex

posted by Stephanie Drury

Even the warehouse-iest of church buildings call their warehouse-y lobbies the narthex as it perhaps lends a bit of elegance, like saying fo-yay instead of foy-yer (the latter pronunciation being common in the Bible belt).

#148 Jack Bauer

posted by Stephanie Drury

Men in Christian culture have a giant man-crush on Jack Bauer. He is the prototype of Christian culture’s ideal male, save for the profession of faith.

#147 Saying “Great insight”

posted by Stephanie Drury

“Great insight” is the response of choice when a person in Christian culture says something spiritually poignant.

#146 Mike Huckabee’s stance on gay marriage

posted by Stephanie Drury

Mike Huckabee’s recent statements on gay marriage made many American evangelicals pleased. Because boy howdy, Christian culture does not like the idea of gay marriage. They really, really, really do not.

#145 Saying that they “married out of their league”

posted by Stephanie Drury

Men in Christian culture like to say they have “married up” or “married out of their league.” They make a point to speak of their wife in glowing terms as often as possible.

#144 The word “should”

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture is all oiled up in “ought” and encrusted with “should.”

#143 Spiritual gifts

posted by Stephanie Drury

Spiritual gifts were outlined in some of Paul’s letters and today are the Christian culture equivalent of astrological signs.

#142 Waxing authentic

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture likes to reference their authenticity. This is interesting because authenticity needs no pronouncement. People can smell it on you like you can smell homeschool on the Duggars.

#141 Teaching small children about the crucifixion

posted by Stephanie Drury

An interesting paradox in Christian culture takes place this time of year. Christian culture normally doesn’t endorse graphic depictions of violence, but come Eastertide they rent The Passion of the Christ” and encourage their children to draw pictures of the crucifixion.

#140 Saying “hanging” instead of “hanging out”

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture tends to omit the word “out” from the term “hanging out.” They just “hang.”

#91 Not Obama

posted by Stephanie Drury

With Barack Obama as president, Christian culture is certain the end times are upon us.

#139 Pew PDA

posted by Stephanie Drury

PDA takes a specific form in the church pew. When a married couple sits together in church it’s understood that the husband will put his arm around the wife and keep it there until it’s time to grab a hymnal.

#97 Not health care reform

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture is rather unhappy about the proposals for healthcare reform.

#138 The history of St. Patrick’s Day

posted by Stephanie Drury

Oh, to be an emergent Christian on St. Patrick’s Day. You get to tweet and blog about the missional relevance of St. Patrick, and missional relevance is your favorite subject.

#137 Sneaking onstage during prayer

posted by Stephanie Drury

When the pastor finishes the sermon and says “Let’s close in prayer,” this is usually the band’s cue to sneak silently back onstage.

#136 Pogo dancing

posted by Stephanie Drury

People become tired of getting bruised in mosh pit, thus reversion to a newer gentler pogo, which is now suitable for CCM.

#135 Concealing the pastor’s salary

posted by Stephanie Drury

Most Christian churches don’t have a problem disclosing their financial records to whomever asks. They make it a point to provide a record of every cent they give away and how much is spent on materials and staff salaries. Other churches aren’t that forthcoming. Like the Mormons, they have pretty tight control over their financial disclosure policies.

#134 Worship leaders saying the lines before they are sung

posted by Stephanie Drury

The worship leader is into it and he hopes you are too.

#133 Kirk Cameron

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture advocate Kirk Cameron aka Mike Seaver released a statement after his lovable compadre Andrew Koenig aka Boner passed away. “At a time like this, we are all reminded of the briefness of life and the importance of being ready for our eternal destination.”

#132 Facebook fan pages for pastors

posted by Stephanie Drury

What more relevant way to encourage and shepherd your flock than via fan page? These are created either by members of their church or by the pastor himself masquerading as a member of the church.

#131 The hip-hop hug

posted by Stephanie Drury

As the Christian side hug gains notoriety, another type of hug seems to be evolving.

Feedback on Beliefnet’s blog format

posted by Stephanie Drury

Now you can air any grievances about the blog layout and stuff.

#130 The short engagement

posted by Stephanie Drury

When couples in Christian culture get engaged they are encouraged to keep their engagement short. The engagement period is considered a ticking time bomb because of the difficulty of “staying pure.”

#129 Looking down on denominations that don’t observe Lent

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christians feeling superior to each other is a smug little tendency that’s old as dirt.

#128 Not observing Lent

posted by Stephanie Drury

Evangelicals don’t do Lent. If you ask one of them what Lent is about, there is an excellent chance they won’t be able to tell you. To them it’s a Catholic thing.

#127 Knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt

posted by Stephanie Drury

That pesky shadow of doubt thwarts people at every turn. If only it didn’t exist. Christian culture in particular would like to evolve past it and, as such, they bring it up a lot.

#126 Tim Tebow’s mom

posted by Stephanie Drury

Evangelicals love Tim Tebow, so they love his mom by proxy. She’s like the evangelical Virgin Mary.

#125 The iPad

posted by Stephanie Drury

The iPad has sparked widespread dismay but fortunately for Apple, Christian culture is unaffected. Christians who identify as emergent and/or relevant can’t wait to get an iPad of their very own.

#124 Signing off as Satan

posted by Stephanie Drury

In an attempt at reverse psychology and perhaps to lure you with their hilarity, Christian culture signs things with Satan’s name to show you that, obviously, you should do the opposite of what Satan says.

#123 Christian roommates

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christians prefer to cohabit with their own ilk. When someone in Christian culture goes seeking a roommate they always specify that any applicants must also be Christians in order to be considered.

#122 Broadcasting how much their church donated to Haiti

posted by Stephanie Drury

Natural disasters are a great opportunity for Christian culture to advertise how charitable they are.

#121 30-Day Sex Challenges

posted by Stephanie Drury

In recent months a rash of evangelical churches started advocating 30-day sex challenges for married couples. The tagline is “Every man’s fantasy: 30 days of sex! Every woman’s dream: 30 days of intimacy!”

#120 Disclaiming Pat Robertson

posted by Stephanie Drury

In an event of staggering rarity, Christian culture and non-Christians currently agree on something. Everyone seems to think that Pat Robertson is certifiably insane.

#119 The Duggar family

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christians love a ginormous homeschooled family, so they can’t get enough of those godly Duggars and their 18 kids.

#118 Not observing Sabbath

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture is a stickler for the ten commandments with the patent exception of observing Sabbath

#117 Saying “not in that order”

posted by Stephanie Drury

When writing their Facebook or blog profiles, evangelicals are fond of stating their interests are “not in that order.”

#116 Biblical inerrancy

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture is adamant on the subject of Biblical inerrancy. Don’t get them started.

#115 Clapping on the downbeat

posted by Stephanie Drury

While singing a festive worship song, Christian culture tends to clap on the one. Clapping on the upbeat doesn’t come naturally to them. They clap the white-people way.

#114 Church marketing

posted by Stephanie Drury

Their mission statement seems solid and they say they’re all about Jesus but some churches seem awfully impressed with themselves. Being hip and raising money for new buildings seems like the focus instead of being broken by the message of the Gospel.

#113 Tim Tebow

posted by Stephanie Drury

American evangelicals exalt Tim Tebow. They can’t resist a player with Bible verses on his eyeblack.

#112 CHRISTmas instead of Xmas

posted by Stephanie Drury

Pro-CHRISTmas campaigners dislike the use of Xmas in lieu of Christmas. Although X has been used for centuries as a sanctioned abbreviation for ??????? (Greek for Christ), Christian culture has a sneaking suspicion this is really a calculated method to nudge Christ out of his own holiday.

#111 Oral Roberts

posted by Stephanie Drury

At least Oral Roberts university is still going strong, and with it the delicious irony of earnest Christian parents sending their children to a college with “oral” in its name.

#110 Saying “God is moving”

posted by Stephanie Drury

This is a popular saying with hazy meaning. Taken literally you might think God has abandoned his ancestral seat and is swanning about, but you infer from the context that can’t be what they mean.

#109 Keeping Christ in Christmas

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture is alarmed by all things politically correct. God forbid you say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas.

#108 Relevant interpretation of the dress suit

posted by Stephanie Drury

Pastors who want to appear relevant dress with formulaic precision. They don’t want to be like the PC guy, they want to be like the Mac guy.

#107 Overcompensating

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian pastors want to be relevant and cool. Relevant, missional, emergent church plant pastors who are Acts 29 do this.

#106 Overshare via prayer request

posted by Stephanie Drury

Overshare via prayer request is the nauseating cousin of gossip via prayer request. Some people do not hold back. Since they’re in their community of brethren they feel free to get detailed. “Shannon couldn’t make it to small group tonight, […]

#105 Wondering what atheists do on Thanksgiving

posted by Stephanie Drury

    Atheists don’t get much clemency from Christian culture. They are generally thought to be misguided and inclined to despair. While Christians are busy thanking God on Thanksgiving they have been known to wonder aloud how atheists could possibly celebrate this […]

#104 Saying “just” a lot while praying out loud

posted by Stephanie Drury

When called upon to pray aloud in a group, an evangelical automatically says “just” a few dozen times during the course of the prayer. This doesn’t happen when other flavors of Christians such as Catholics or Episcopalians pray, but an […]

#103 Guiltily watching Oprah

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian women are on the fence about Oprah. Her touting of “The Secret” with its new age agenda rubs them entirely the wrong way. They also don’t appreciate her cohabitating with Stedman, her angling towards gay acceptance, suggesting there could […]

#102 Gossip via prayer request

posted by Stephanie Drury

In a Bible study or fellowship group there comes a time (usually near the end) that you go around the circle and make prayer requests. This is an excellent time to air the dirt on absent friends under the guise of being lovingly concerned about their spiritual state.

Introductory post

posted by Stephanie Drury

Hi! I started this blog (stuffchristianculturelikes.com) in August 2008. I know this isn’t a new concept and I’m not a pioneer in angst about evangelicalism – lots of people have done this before and have done it better than me. […]

News bulletin

posted by Stephanie Drury

Dear darling reader, Beliefnet asked if they could host this blog and I said sure. So next week it will move over there, but this link will still route to it. So, that’s kind of exciting. Yips! Blessings,stephy

#101 Godwitter and ChristianChirp in lieu of Twitter

posted by Stephanie Drury

From these all-Christian platforms people can do what they did on Twitter and Facebook (tweet Bible verses, express dismay over political affronts to morality, and proclaim excitement for date night with their hot wives), but here their audience presents no opposing viewpoints which could rankle them and raise their blood pressure.

#100 Not Harry Potter

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture isn’t able to reconcile violence and beauty very well when it comes to stories and allegories outside of the Bible. But judging from the use of symbols and sacraments in the Bible it would seem that God loves symbolism.

#99 Taking up a pipe at Bible college

posted by Stephanie Drury

American evangelicals conventionally eschew the smoking of anything but an exception is somehow made when a seminary student takes up the inevitable pipe. It makes him feel
Inklings-esque.

#98 “People Need The Lord”

posted by Stephanie Drury

If you went to church during the ’80s then you’ve probably heard this tender treat. This is often sung by the congregation during the altar call. The rest of the time it’s performed as a solo by your friend’s mom […]

#97 Not healthcare reform

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture is rather unhappy about the proposals for healthcare reform. They’d threaten to move to Canada like they did when Obama won, but Canada has socialized medicine, so they’re up a creek on this one.

#96 Playing Guitar Praise in lieu of Guitar Hero

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture’s idea of “rockin'” is as questionable as their definition of the word “best.” Rather than violate your soul with secular music, violate your senses with this! Is God glorified by the Christian-ifying of video games? Christian culture seems to think so.

#95 Being skeptical that Catholics are saved

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture is not having it. They think it’s nice that Catholics believe in God, but that praying to Mary is a big problem.

#94 Jesus fish decals

posted by Stephanie Drury

In early Christianity they had to be sneaky. People drew Jesus fish to symbolize they were Christians because saying so was rather dangerous in ancient Rome. Today the rate of savage religious persecution in north America is at an all-time […]

#93 Saying you’re married to your best friend

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christians aren’t the only people who say this, but they make up 93% of the people who do. The remaining 7% are some rogue non-Christians who are unabashed corndogs. In a Christian’s blog profile it’s categorically impossible for the spouse-as-best-friend […]

#92 Hoping that the rapture doesn’t happen until after your wedding night

posted by Stephanie Drury

The chances that vestal sexytimes will be mentioned during the wedding ceremony are pretty high among Baptists and non-denominational evangelicals.

#91 Not Obama

posted by Stephanie Drury

With Barack Obama as president, Christian culture is certain the end times are upon us.

#90 Being pro-life while simultaneously supporting the war

posted by Stephanie Drury

By and large, people in Christian culture also support the war in Iraq. The considerable loss of innocent life during war doesn’t seem to strike them as any sort of inconsistency.

#89 Saying “It’s a God thing” when something good happens

posted by Stephanie Drury

“It’s a God thing” is a phrase frequently spoken in Christian culture. It is always said in response to something good that has happened.

#88 Jumbotrons

posted by Stephanie Drury

When your church building is the size of Old Navy, how else are you supposed to see what’s going on down front?

#87 Getting rid of their secular music

posted by Stephanie Drury

There comes a time in every young evangelical’s life when he must roll up his sleeves, raise the black flag, and commence destroying his secular music.

#86 Leaving a gospel tract with the tip

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture is historically known for leaving a gospel tract when they tip in restaurants. Oftentimes they leave a tract along with actual money, but in severe cases they’ll leave only the tract.

#85 Leading worship barefoot

posted by Stephanie Drury

Every so often the worship team likes to go barefoot onstage.

#84 Focusing on “that one scene” that ruined the movie

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture has a tenuous relationship with movies. Even PG movies have no shortage of cursing, violence and innuendo, and it’s hard to appreciate the movie as a whole with all that thrown in.

#83 Memorial Day

posted by Stephanie Drury

Memorial Day doesn’t have anything to do with Jesus, but Christian culture sure does get behind it.

#82 Not Environmentalism

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture isn’t known for their environmental activism. In fact, they aren’t on board with it much at all.

#81 Bono

posted by Stephanie Drury

Men in Christian culture often have giant man-crushes on Bono. Pastors who wish to be emergent/relevant sometimes quote him in sermons and work in a U2 lyric mention when they can.

#80 Leaving perturbed comments and signing them ‘anonymous’

posted by Stephanie Drury

Most of the blog comments left here that defend Christian culture are signed anonymous. It’s a fact.

#79 Coffeehouses

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture enjoys coffeehouse culture and likes to open coffeehouses as a way to minister to the populace by providing a place to convene. Sometimes this is described as “outreach” to the “community.” The Christian coffeehouse can first be identified […]

#78 Miss California 2009, Carrie Prejean

posted by Stephanie Drury

It’s uncomfortable for Christian culture to entertain the idea that gay marriage might be anything other than flat-out wrong. People in Christian culture can’t seem to see themselves as being as sinful as they think gay people are.

#77 Getting plugged in

posted by Stephanie Drury

“Get plugged in” is a phrase used by assorted pastoral staff to encourage church involvement. The youth pastor especially desires for you to get plugged in. He is the most frequent user of this phrase. Close behind him in rate […]

#76 Numbers

posted by Stephanie Drury

Not the book of Numbers, so much, but the number of people that your church attracts each week. Some churches crave big numbers as if they are a fledgling business. “Invite your friends!” “We’re considering the exciting possiblities for this […]

#75 The Passion of the Christ

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture loves this movie. It is the only R-rated movie they heartily endorse. The Passion of the Christ received support and endorsement from Billy Graham, James Dobson, Mission America Coalition, Salvation Army, Promise Keepers, National Association of Evangelicals, Campus […]

#74 Challenging

posted by Stephanie Drury

People in Christian culture like to say “I challenge you to,” followed by a verb. The verb is often “invite.” The direct object is often “someone.”

#73 Twitter

posted by Stephanie Drury

Churches are excited about Twitter. It’s what the kids are doing these days, so many churches have launched campaigns encouraging people to tweet during services. This might be the new version of being allowed to pass notes during class, except […]

#72 Spiritual email signoffs

posted by Stephanie Drury

When a Christian emails another Christian, they are likely to use a signoff that acknowledges the Lord. If a secular signoff is “Sincerely” or “Best,” a spiritual signoff is “In Christ” or “Blessings.” It can also present itself in the […]

#71 Worship leaders asking folks to “really think about the words to this next song”

posted by Stephanie Drury

Worship leaders want to break it down for a minute. After some rousing worship anthems, it’s time to get serious. This is when they’ll play the first chords of something evocative (like “As The Deer” or “Softly and Tenderly”) and […]

#70 Wireless headset mics

posted by Stephanie Drury

They were once only worn by McDonald’s drive-thru workers, infomercial hosts and Janet Jackson, but now microphone headsets are becoming a standard fixture during sermons at non-denominational churches.

#69 Saying “Let’s close in prayer”

posted by Stephanie Drury

At the end of any sort of talk given where Christians are known to be present, the speaker will say “Let’s close in prayer.” They cannot help themselves.

#68 Beth Moore

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian women adore Beth Moore. At this moment 91% of them are either in the middle of a Beth Moore Bible study or about to start another Beth Moore Bible study.

#67 Having cheesy hair

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture isn’t exactly known for having good style but bless their hearts, they sure try.

#66 Backrub chains

posted by Stephanie Drury

Backrub chains appear frequently at youth groups and bible camps. Whenever pubescent* Christians of mixed gender are gathered to study the Bible or worship, the likelihood that a backrub chain will form is increased tenfold.

#65 Not Nancy Pelosi

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture just can’t stand Nancy Pelosi. She makes ‘em all want to spit nails.

#64 Date Night

posted by Stephanie Drury

Married people in Christian culture like to talk about date night. It is considered vital to a successful marriage and is a frequent topic of discussion.

#63 The Shack

posted by Stephanie Drury

Every few years, a novel surfaces in Christian culture that soon becomes required reading. These books almost always contain either spiritual allegory or a straight-up portrayal of what the rapture could be like.

#62 Christ-ifying Product Logos

posted by Stephanie Drury

This means of proseletyzing is very popular within some segments of Christian culture. It is available in many forms: t-shirts, bumper stickers, buttons, mousepads, pencil holders, coffee mugs, keychains and innumerable other solid objects, including mints.

#61 Saying They’re Under Attack

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture talks a great deal about being “under attack.” God is under attack, truth is under attack, the gospel is under attack, one-man-one-woman marriage is under attack, the right to life is under attack, the right to worship is under attack. This is interesting because it’s laid out pretty clearly in the Bible that truth will constantly be under attack until the day of Christ’s return. It says there will be no letting up.

#60 Papyrus font

posted by Stephanie Drury

This font is everywhere, to be sure. In the secular realm it is used in coffee shops menus, yoga studios, camping supply stores and on Thai restaurant signage.

#59 Saying that their spouse is hot

posted by Stephanie Drury

Many married Christian men frequently state that their wife is hot. On Facebook, in Christmas letters and in their blog profiles, Christian guys make a point of saying this. A lot.

#58 Ugly Christmas Sweater parties

posted by Stephanie Drury

Very popular with singles groups and college ministries. People who aren’t Christians love Cheesy Christmas Sweater Parties too. Maybe it’s one of the areas where the two cultures intersect. Although at a Christian culture party there won’t be any alcohol, that’s for dang sure.

#57 Singing “I Will Be Here” at weddings

posted by Stephanie Drury

If you have been involved in Christian culture for any amount of time, there is a very good chance you have been to a wedding where Steven Curtis Chapman’s “I Will Be Here” was sung.

#56 Grunge Fonts

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian items marketed to teens usually use an “extreme,” “edgy” or “grunge” font. Like teenagers will not respond to your basic Helvetica.

#55 The Prayer of Jabez

posted by Stephanie Drury

There is a prayer Jesus taught his disciples to pray. He talked about it during the sermon on the mount. It doesn’t emphasize material gain but it’s still pretty neat, mainly because Jesus actually told his followers to pray in this way. I’m just sayin’.

#54 Not Hillary Clinton

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture just can’t stand Hillary Clinton. She makes ‘em all madder than a wet hen.

#53 Making An Impact

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture is obsessed with making an impact. Churches hire marketing teams and ministries hire strategists for this purpose. “We need to make an impact!” “We’re making an impact for God!” But any impact that is made for good is God’s doing entirely, and the more we contrive to impact the more we get in the way.

#52 Not Legalizing Gay Marriage

posted by Stephanie Drury

Making same-sex marriage legal would mean Christians would have to relinquish some political and moral control and trust the issue to God. It is quite a conundrum for the Christian culture, indeed.

#51 Fall Festivals

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christians aren’t so sure about celebrating a holiday that revolves around demons and evil. Many of them do research about Halloween’s origins and decide they don’t want to celebrate what orginated as a pagan holiday.

#50 Polo Shirts

posted by Stephanie Drury

You’d think they own stock in them.

#49 Spanking

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture does not feel that spanking is the same thing as hitting. They will defend it to their dying breath.

#48 Inspirational Forwards

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture enjoys inspirational email forwards. These are often sent en masse to everyone in the sender’s address book (cc’d, not bcc’d) and they usually feature centered text in varying boldness and font size throughout the message, made wonky by repeated forwards.

#47 Sarah Palin

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture loves, LOVES Sarah Palin.

#46 LMBO

posted by Stephanie Drury

The logical conclusion here is that butt is more beneficial than ass. LMBO is very popular with the homeschooling sector.

#45 Purity Rings

posted by Stephanie Drury

The ring is ideally given to a girl by her dad, but if he isn’t on the scene or is otherwise apathetic then she might get one herself or ask her mom for one, either because she really does want to make this commitment or possibly because the Jonas Brothers wear them. (Bristol Palin had one too.)

#44 Women’s Ministries

posted by Stephanie Drury

American Protestant churches often have a program called a Women’s Ministry. As with most specialized church programs, the bigger and more warehouse-y the church, the more likely it is that it will have a Women’s Ministry.

#43 Having Only Christian Friends

posted by Stephanie Drury

People in Christian culture surround themselves almost exclusively with other like-minded people. They do have some acquaintances who are non-Christians but these are not close friends. These acquaintances are most often neighbors, co-workers, and other people who aren’t easily avoided.

#42 Drama Teams

posted by Stephanie Drury

A drama team is a group at church that acts out sketches during the service as a form of worship. Churches that boast drama teams are usually of the large, warehouse, non-denominational variety.

#41 Exclamation Points

posted by Stephanie Drury

Many evangelical Christians carry a terror inside their chest that if they appear less than happy all the time then they will have violated the terms of some sort of Jesus Marketing Contract.

#40 Frosted Tips

posted by Stephanie Drury

Christian culture, gay men in rural communities, and NASCAR fans are the only demographics that continue to endorse this look.

#39 Side Hugs

posted by Stephanie Drury

When greeting someone of the opposite sex, Christians often employ the side hug. This is an unwritten rule of greeting so that you don’t mash your naughty bits together and trigger stumbling.*

#38 Bible Covers

posted by Stephanie Drury

Bible covers are purchased almost exclusively by Christian women aged 18 – 94. They usually have a tranquil scene or a Bible verse sewn on them.

#37 Not Masturbating

posted by Stephanie Drury

Sometimes in youth group a guy will stand up and ask for prayer for his chronic masturbation. Accountability partners are assigned so they can keep tabs on how they’re not whacking off. The youth group leader approaches guys at church retreats and asks “Do you struggle with masturbating?”

#36 White European Jesus

posted by Stephanie Drury

All scientific evidence suggests that Jesus was actually quite swarthy, but the vast majority of images portray him as a cracker.

#35 Rachael Ray

posted by Stephanie Drury

She’s a gal on the go who combines the perkiness and wholesomeness yet absence of vulnerability that Christian culture women admire, and her recipes are great for moms with a house full of kids (see #23) and a husband who doesn’t help out that much (per their defined roles).

Previous Posts

auf Wiedersehen
My contract with Beliefnet is up and I'll be back on my own ad-free domain again. Beliefnet has been really lovely to me and I appreciate their letting me write whatever I want without trying to censor anything. I will be back on my blogger ...

posted 7:56:21pm Feb. 21, 2011 | read full post »

#210 Mandatory chapel at Bible college
Most Christian colleges require students to attend chapel services. Chapel is not an option, it's part of the curriculum. If you don't fulfill your chapel quota, you don't graduate. Though Christianity purports to operate under the auspices of ...

posted 7:06:31pm Feb. 11, 2011 | read full post »

#209 Perceiving persecution
Christian culture is vigilant about persecution. Jesus said being persecuted goes with the territory of following him, and some of those followers are really on the lookout. Christian culture sees persecution in all sorts of things and they ...

posted 6:16:31pm Feb. 03, 2011 | read full post »

#208 Missionary dating
When someone in Christian culture meets a delicious non-Christian they will usually assume a missionary position with them. Missionary dating is when you date a non-Christian for the express purpose of proselytizing so as to instigate their ...

posted 6:16:57pm Jan. 27, 2011 | read full post »

#207 Marrying young
Christian culture gets married young. The reason isn't entirely clear, but the general consensus is that it drastically lowers the risk of fornication. You just can't fornicate if you're married, and that takes care of that. Fornication is ...

posted 6:33:07pm Jan. 19, 2011 | read full post »

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