Sassy Spirit

Sassy Spirit

My kids aren’t bad, they’re just spirited

posted by jperry

When I just had one child, my daughter, I was twenty years old. I was blissfully naïve. I thought her behavior was somewhat related to my parenting in some way, except that one time she bit my husband’s boss’s son. That came out of nowhere. Wonder what he did to provoke it or did his cheeks just look yummy? She would sit in the cart at the grocery store, talk politely to adults as we passed by, and was this sweet little angel child.

Then I had a son. I remember him having a tantrum at a store when I wouldn’t buy him candy. I felt the stares, the glares, the dares. The how dare she not buy/buy him the candy. Some you could tell wanted you to bop him in the head gently, wished he had an off button (or hated kids), and those kind folks with the sympathy in their eyes. Cause ya know what feels so great in that moment, is for someone to say that back in their day, kids behaved. Oh, yes, things were so wonderful back in the 50’s. We can’t raise robot children nowadays. It just doesn’t work like that. It’s not so simple anymore, beside the laws they have passed to protect children, kids are just seriously too smart now anyway.

Given my perspective after having now had three boys, and also a baby girl, I judge parents less. I make other people’s parenting, within reason, none of my business. I am that lady in the store where if her kids are there, you may judge their behavior. Am I a good mom. Yes, I am. Do I teach kindness? Yes. Am I always kind? No. Am I human? Yes. I tend to think certain things like potty humor can be funny at times and let it slide, but too much and I scold them. I want to raise independent thinkers who question everything, which happens to include me sometimes. To raise kind people, I must keep being kind. No guilt, force, or blame others into being kind or else it’s not real kindness. It’s control then.

I realize when a certain child, my middle or younger son, are having a freakout, I want to control them. I want them to be quiet. Because I have at times made my relationship or the behavior of one child the reason I feel a certain way…it sets my mood. This goes against what I teach. You create your own happiness…until one of your kids is bad. I always joke that with my boys, 1+1=2, but 1+2=100. They play off each other, like my youngest son will be inappropriate in order to make his older brothers laugh (I see class clown/stand-up comedian in his future), and they exclude one or start wrestling…which someone always gets hurt. Did I teach them that? Or to lie? All kids do, btw, it’s human nature to avoid punishment. So I don’t take credit for my oldest daughter’s beauty, smarts, or talent either.

Oh, we survived the first week of school being out. I love summer, but I have to be a different kind of mom at times and my referee shirt I’d like to burn. I say no 4,782 times an hour and working at home can be a challenge. This is where self-care and self-love is so important. If I’m off, like they tire me out or I’m in full stress mode, I’m not me…which isn’t good for them either. I must be present, not fall into victim, and slip into gratitude. Knowing that I will look back on this and wish for the craziness, cuddles, chaos, cuties, and chuckles. Momworld tends to make me forget what I know, when they’re a storm there. Going to create my own sunshine there and take my spirited kids out to play in the sunshine.

Spiritualisms

posted by jperry

Spiritual snobbery: When I first started yoga and started on my spiritual path in my twenties, I looked up to teachers and those that seemed to “know” what others did not. I’ll admit to a little of that spiritual snobbery too. Like…if they would just think like we do…or they don’t get it…we are more evolved/enlightened/conscious. We are human after all and that means we judge very easily. I still see condescending attitudes surrounding certain New Age/Law of Attraction/Spiritual circles very often and I say just focus on your truth, and let others have theirs. Don’t argue about anything holy, or else it sure doesn’t feel like God anymore, but rather peeps that need others to believe what they believe. That’s not religion or spirituality, it’s control. Sometimes silence is golden. Just pray for people if you think they’ve gone astray. They haven’t. A higher power walks with all, not matter what. No one likes to be talked down to or when people make them wrong. Whenever people think they are better or worse than me, I don’t play. I do equals. I’m sure there are levels, but I’m not in a video game.

Spiritual perfectionism: I do this one really well. Holding myself to ridiculous standards, like if I’d only watch more Super Soul Sunday on OWN, I could permanently remain spiritual forever.  Laughable, I know.  That if I have made a mistake, I should never repeat it and I should not have so many damn lessons anymore, after I’ve worked so hard at letting go and connecting with God. That goes along with perfect-mom-syndrome in my book (not possible, not matter how much I try to convince myself when we have a crazy day here or I lose my temper). I thought I would be like all the self-help, New Thought, and spiritual writers. Turns out, some of them aren’t like that either and it was kind of rude for me to think they couldn’t be human too. I know there are probably monks in temples and yogis in ashrams, mere mortals on mountains who’ve transcended ego and emotions and feelings. Maybe? But I live in New Jersey. I’m married. I have five kids. I get my feelings hurt and I feel empathy for others. One of my kids is usually mad at me for something. If given the option to be a spiritual robot who never felt anything sounds good when I’m in the muck and yuck, but I’d never take it. I’ll roll with this. I’ll just keep doing my best.  And I have a soul, so therefore I’m a spiritual being at my core.

Spiritual amnesia: This Mercury Retrograde period is coming to an end and some of my old gunk came up for me to say…adios…for good. Or if it’s that layers of the onion thing, I’m screwed. Just kidding. Growing and learning and living and blooming is the gig. Yesterday, I was having one of those I-don’t-know-diddly-squat type of days. Like your superhero costume got lost at the cleaners and rockstar status has been revoked. Does having bad moments or days mean I’m not a good teacher or life coach? That I shouldn’t be writing that I have the answers to share with others? That I shouldn’t hold classes or webinars? That I’m not practicing what I preach? Of course not! I am sharing my wisdom from the field, in the trenches.  Emotions are not bad. We are emotional creatures. While a robotic nature would come in handy when I feel bad, I’d miss out on the happy high’s too. Self-love is my thing and loving me at my best and worst is walking the talk.  Trusting that I still know, even when I think I don’t know.

My shadow side, the parts of me that are hard to own, have been peeking through my sparkly persona that I’m perceived to be by many. My emotions have been on, as if someone turned on the faucet full force. Practicing what you preach is easy when things are calm in the world, your life, home, and mind. It’s badass-ninja-spiritual-goddess stuff when you can ride out the storm, trusting that chaos precedes growth. Just ask the seed. It’s blooming time, honey pies. Remember to be easy about it all.  Don’t believe what your bad days say.  Listen to your good days. Sometimes you need that bad day in order to remind you how far you’ve come. You may feel like you’re in the Twilight Zone for a time and that you should be committed, but you’re never stuck anyway. Time always moves forward. Other people may never seem to fall, stumble, or doubt, but they do. You’re okay. That contrast, you must trust, that low is going to spring board you forward. Love is the best place to put your energy in any moment.  Gratitude. Relax. Softness is a wonderful place to be.  No stress or force.  Deep breath. Breathe in the Divine. Breathe out your old wounds. It’s a cleansing time. May look like spiritual amnesia for you too, but it’s not. I promise. We’re human and it’s wonderful. Let’s enjoy it.

 

Mama Heart

posted by jperry

I recently went to see the movie A Fault in Our Stars.

Why would I watch a sad cancer movie? Aren’t I all about good vibes? My teenage daughter wanted to see it, so of course I went to see it. It was so good!
My mama heart felt it so intensely. And my 18 year old self that met my hubby all those years ago felt that falling in love feeling and the thought of losing it.
It’s always worth the risk of loving and of losing it somehow, in some way.

I won’t give anything away, but the acting was impeccable.  So many themes about pain, emotional and physical. love in its truest sense, and how we want to be remembered in life.  I’ll watch it again and get even more of it.  I left with a sense of peace when it was over.  In the middle of the movie though, I stepped outside to text my son who was seeing the same movie with friends a half an hour away.  Trying to figure out how he was getting home when he said it was all taken care of.   I tried to firm up plans the day before but that’s not what happened. Of course, my son didn’t text me back, but I had to trust he was okay.  Times like that when I wish I could make the world all good for him.  He just finished seventh grade today and I wish I could bubble wrap him.  My oldest daughter is taking her driver’s test to get her license on Monday, which is her seventeenth birthday.  I don’t know how we got here.  But I need to learn to trust on a deeper level.  Fear arises as growth accelerates.  This is how my personal journey goes, spiritually, and as the mother of five kids.  Deep breath and do not go to worse-case scenarios.

I swear my heart was not formed with the protective outer shell that many people have.  I have always been sensitive, compassion, and empathetic.  My mama bear heart.  She can’t watch anything with sick kids or where they are hurt in any way.  Her and my wounded child within can scare the crap outta me, if I let them have the steering wheel of my life.  And really, no amount of worry will ever form as a protective barrier against life.

Sometimes I need to quiet my little girl fears, in moments of joy as it sucker punches me and jumps out out of closets like the boogeyman. Like splinter that I just can’t find or else if yank it out. In those gray hair making moments of wondering how I can make things safe and forevermore make my kids happy and healthy, that my husband will be sipping tea with me in our old age, rocking on the chairs hand-in-hand with twinkling eyes at each other. I’ve made many plea bargains with God that I’d never need a new pair of heels if I could assure my kids would never suffer a woe. I had to let go of that and stop making my Divine connection tainted. It remains pure and I stay in gratitude.

I will still dream big. I will not play small, not for fear of daring to reach for even more greatness, means I would have more to lose.  I will trust.  I will release my fears, worries, doubts, guilts, regrets, shames, and all those uncomfortable parts of my humanness and hand them over to the Divine.  All I can do is trust, keep flying, trusting the Universe will provide the gentle breeze to guide me along my journey.

The Path for Me.

posted by jperry

Before I started living, I was either bored or mad 95%of the time I was awake. Most of the it, I was mad at myself actually. How did I get here I’d ask myself. Once I decided it was possible to change, I did. Now when I’m awake, I’m really here and not just sleepwalking through life like a zombie with a bunch of lists in my mind: to-do list, along with who ticked me off, what I did wrong, what needs to change for me to be happy, all that others have or are that I cannot have or be…you know in that state everyone seemed better in some way, but a few. From that place where I didn’t understand gratitude, life looked grim, and I was just trying to get through it. Like maybe I could get by, by the skin of my teeth, and have a medium life. I would rather have no risk and no pain, keeping it safe with my heart as well as my hopes and dreams.

I had to decide the path for me.  That wouldn’t cut it. I had to be free.  I had to decide that path that was right for me. It continues every day. I’m never done. It’s a journey. Life is a journey. The path is not in a book or seminar, it’s the every day ordinary extraordinary.  Is it easy? I don’t know?  It’s focus.  I make to simple for some or too completed for another probably.

What does my life look like now?

Well, this weekend was intense for some and I can feel in the collective consciousness I was not alone there. Life review stuff, what are we doing?  Super Moon, Mercury Retrograde, solar flares, etc.  I was aware of how I was processing it.  Triggers and oldness were felt.  Old stuff coming up to clear can feel like you are going backwards.  Saturday night I was zonked.  When my head gets swirly and my mind is full of ideas, but my Mom-side is like…yo, we tired and we gotta just let those unfolded clothes stay unfolded as we nurture ourselves with roasted chickpeas (like a massive amount), Pino Grigio & pineapple (in sensible portions) and I gazed at the moon, but just for a few moments and a fog lifted in my consciousness. This little edge I felt all day that I could blame on my kids, my Dad just getting home from the hospital, unreturned phone calls/emails/techno world communications, business stress, or normal human baloney. Truth is, I didn’t know what it was and it doesn’t matter. I rule my life. Moods come and go. Big things are ahead and life really is flowy, not on pause, as are my feelings. Trust is always the message. As true as that ball of luna magic in the sky, I stand in the wonder of my own brilliance, even when I’m not feelin’ all rockstar. Quiet excellence always dwells within.

You’re never back to square one. It’s impossible. No matter what it looks like or feels like, you’ve grown, you’ve made headway, you have gained something. Trust that. Head held high, walk on. You’re exactly where you need to be and nothing has gone wrong. You are okay. :clapping for you::  I’m right there with you.

Triggers are a ticket to freedom. The victim self in us tries to take us on a painful journey to the past and tell you old stories, and will even try to catapult you into a terrible future of the same, based on “alleged” new evidence that is always flawed and colored with a dirty lens for perspective. Even if you fall for it momentarily, for hours, or months, you can always jump off that train cause it doesn’t move fast…in fact it doesn’t move AT ALL! It’s all illusion. It really has tracks built on mud, but your mind races so fast in regret or worry, it only thinks it’s actually moving forward. Take a deep breath, center in the present moment, and you are released from your own shackles. You are not a victim. You are a powerful being of love
.  Do you feel that?  I share my journey authentically and keep it real so others will not feel alone in the process.

Waking up this Monday morning, I realized needed extra sleep and slept nine hours, but for a few minutes early to nurse my baby.  I love waking up and everything is brand new, even though nothing has physically changed that I can see. It’s a trust that things are always glorious underneath the surface and morphing into something even greater. This is my knowing. In years past, I woke up with a cloak of shame as if I’d already done something wrong and was going to get in trouble. Life felt heavy. I told myself a lot of lies and stories about bad me, limitations, mistakes, regrets, and attracted victim situations where I had no power or control over circumstances. Through my journey, I broke free and awakened to my truth. All the BS fell away, to reveal Divine me, who was never disconnected for even one brief moment in my darkest of despair. The Universe, the cosmic Love & Light was always in the undercurrent of my existence, no matter how dim it looked. I was never broken, just looking in the wrong places for happiness. I thought I had to be rescued, read every book or try one last program to fix me and patch the hole, and they were all good, but I had to flip on my own switch within. I had to turn on peace, love, and joy within, through self-love. I saw my wholeness. This is what I teach. To clients, customers, and in my upcoming projects, I want to uplift, empower, and inspire. You are already perfect, peeps. Ahh…take that in. You are perfectly you. Now, let the rest go. Put on your robe of gratitude and look for the magic and miracles. Have a fabulous week filled with blessings of all good things. Allow them. You deserve it.

Walk your own path.
Know your own truth.
Trust your connection always.
Listen to the words written in your own soul.

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