Sassy Spirit

Sassy Spirit

Selling Out

posted by jperry

I am someone who once I decided to live outside of my comfort zone, I have found new ones I had to move past. It’s all part of the learning, growing, living, and learning cycle of life to me. Last year, I did my first public speaking gig as an author’s talk in my town, where I spoke to people about writing, my journey, and my novel “The Jennifers.”  I was asked to do another one at another library after I was featured in the local paper. I also worked along side my friend, Sheree Bykofsky, the fabulous author, speaker, literary agent, doing a writing workshop, where I spoke about my experience with self-publishing. Right before I delivered my fifth child, I spoke about reinvention at a STEPS event. And about a month ago, I spoke at our local high school about my struggles at a teen with bulimia, cutting, depression, anxiety, attempting suicide, and where I wanted to give the teens who are currently going through anything difficult, some hope for their future. I was very honest about my panic attacks, weight loss experience, etc. as an adult also and how you are ultimately responsible for your own happiness always.

I never thought I would do any of this, let alone be an author and a blogger.  And I never thought I’d be a Beachbody®  Coach or fitness one for that matter, although people have been asking my advice on weight loss, diet, and exercise for years, once they see my before and afters, so I thought, why not?  Except that selling is outside of my comfort zone.  I wanted to give everything away for free.  People expected it from me and that’s the dynamic I set up.  It wasn’t serving me or my message anymore and I felt it.  In fact, it was showing I wasn’t practicing what I was preaching.  I was comfortable giving.  I was comfortable receiving a little from many people, but only comfortable receiving a lot from my parents or my husband.  When I got real with myself, I saw these blocks in business and how I had subconscious/unconscious patterns going on.  I asked myself were there still self-worth issues going on like the layers of the onion?  I kept exploring my thoughts and getting real on my comfort zone.  I didn’t want to owe anyone, take advantage of them, or inconvenience them. . .all these projection I put on them.  All I was doing was offering products.  There was no weird story, unless I made one.  I wasn’t selling out.  I could make money and help people.

I swear some people are born with that seller gene and they could sell ice to an Eskimo.  Took a business class about branding from Kellie Kuecha as I envision myself as a entrepreneur with multiple businesses, books, programs, and the sky’s the limit.  I looked at her and the other women, in awe, just soaking up the genius vibes.  I realized I was playing small again.  Luckily, I know the comparing/competition game doesn’t work for me or I’d have been doomed in that class with those brilliant women, and a few men.  As I gained clarity around my business, I realized I also had to let go of the attachment to the outcome, but to stay focused on my intention.  All my confusion was many things. I uncovered fears about making mistakes, not being perfect, looking foolish, seeing greedy, and being considered inauthentic.  Oh. . .all that almost stings to write as I munch on my organic tortilla chips.  I can be real and make money.  I can do business and be authentic.  I can sell whatever and not alienate myself from people.  I’ve heard people lose friends because they’re too pushy with their product.  That won’t be me.

Trust is key.  Trust that I’ll attract the right customers, clients, readers, followers/supporters, friends, and even mentors or teachers.  I trust myself.  It’s not selling out ever, unless you are out of integrity with what you’re selling.  Okay, putting the chips away now.  They’re just crumbs anyway. . .and I’m not settling for crumbs anymore.  Neither should you.

Ride Your Heart Out

posted by jperry

Yesterday, I was riding along on a dreary and gray day. The wind was picking up and you could feel the impending rain in your bones. I looked over and saw an older woman riding her bike. Not around any stores but like she just wanted to ride her bike. I was perplexed, since I wanted to just hide under the covers in this weather. The difference is I think my time is unlimited and most likely, she does not. She’s at a different place in her life. I’m in go-go-go mode and she has more time to be. She’s not on fast track to a destination, a hamster wheel, a race, climbing any mountains. I might be wrong on all that, but this was my observation.

I thought just by looking at her, that she was seizing the day as I was driving from one end of the island to the other, to drop off ticket orders for my older daughter’s recital, stopping at the grocery store so I could make stuff for dinner, before I had to take my oldest son to karate. Meanwhile my mind is making career to-do lists and. . .I still haven’t mailed out thank you notes, I have to call so and so. I must do my mediation with Oprah and Deepak. (Side note-never did it yesterday.)

The lady on the bike was riding her heart out. She didn’t know if she would have tomorrow. Here, I was going double up on mediation today and it’s 9pm and I am typing this and I’m handed a cup where I am asked to get the apple out of the cup. I’ve been going all day at life. I took my oldest son for bloodwork (he’s fine) and when we got there at 7:30 am, I had forgotten the script so we headed home, and started again. I told him not to look while she was putting the needle in. He then insisted on looking over after it was in. Well, my older daughter would have passed out or threw up. Driving home, he throws up. . .multiple times. I know the drill. Let’s get some OJ. Thankfully it was the hubby’s car for once. Joking, but true, and because he had fasted there wasn’t anything in his stomach. Oh, fun times. I wonder what that lady on the bike is doing right now? I need to get in the shower since I worked out earlier, before driving my daughter to dance and picking up something at the store. I’m not a shopaholic, but rather an economic stimulator. Hubby cooked dinner luckily, since I was on a business/friend call. I wonder if I can play the mediation in the shower or will that be like showering with Oprah and Deepak? What a visual there!

Tomorrow, I’ll regroup and make time to mediate. Balance is part of self-love and sanity. Riding your bike is all about balance too. I am going to ride my heart out tomorrow and do something, one thing at makes me feel alive, and it will not be bike riding because I don’t have a bike. My BFF can tell you funny stories about how bad I was at riding a bike when we were younger. Luckily, with age I’ve become more graceful. I was always a klutz and my favorite book in grade school was called “Megan The Klutz.” I am going to ride my heart out regardless. I won’t let the wind stop me. No obstacles will prevent me from moving forward. Riding into the wind, like running, shows you what you’re made off. It’s easy to sit on your butt at home and do nothing. That lady showed me that there are not always perfect conditions for riding, but they could be worse, it could’ve been a storm. She may not have the schedule I have, the big life, or the time left that I have, but she is living fully. That’s the whole point anyway.

Ride your heart out.

Psst. . .Don’t tell Oprah I missed a day. It’s not the first time. ;)

What dream dwells in your heart?

posted by jperry

What is your big dream? Like your dream home, car, job…the thing you’re afraid to say aloud for fear of being judged? Me, I will have a beachfront home with a pool. Where? Dunno. When? Dunno. But I do know, it’s done. And what I will do is be happy right now in this moment. Dreaming big doesn’t take away from that. We live in an expansive Universe. Dwell on the possibilities, potential, passions, pure positivity! Go there in your mind, write it down, declare it. Your naysayers will try to protect you often from disappointment in telling to to be realistic, logical, practical…basically play small. Funny thing is, we wouldn’t even have the Internet if everyone thought like that. Don’t play God, judge, jury, mother, or father to someone else and squash their dream. And for heaven’s sake, don’t do it to yourself. God-Universe-Love & Light inspires a unique dream for each one of us that lives in our soul and it evolves daily if you can’t get out of your mind and open to allow and receive more. Are you ready? Are you worthy? Are you gonna dare to dream? Are you going to dare to own it? Are you going to dare to actually have it? Are you brave enough? Deep breath. Inhale God. Exhale anything that wouldn’t allow it.

The time to play small is over.  Get that dream journal out and write about all you want to experience, have, or be,  You could write a whole entry as if you already are there.  How would you sound?  Feel what feels like.

I can feel the warm breeze and sunshine on my face as I look at from the balcony of my Beachfront.  The kids are playing in the pool and we’re having friends over for a day to just celebrate life.  Appreciation washes over me as I hear the waves crash on the beach.  I love my life so much.  This home is perfect for my family and we’ve made such great memories.  Laughs, fun, love, and good vibes dwell here.  Music fills our home, accompanied my plentiful sunshine, and a family that loves.  We have a weekly game night where we all laugh until out stomachs hurt.  Our kitchen is full of yummy smells as we love to cook and enjoy each other.  Fresh flowers, bright colors, eclectic style add to the beautiful energy here.  Everyone who comes here never wants to leave, because it is such a happy place.  Joy grows here.  I sip my coffee and look at my husband and children.   I wave and shout down, “I’ll  be down in a minute.  Anybody need anything?”  They respond with a list of request that I’m happy to oblige.  I put my bikini on and look in the mirror and wink.  I just love that girl.  As I grab my cell phone, it starts ringing. Oh. . .its Oprah, I gotta take this.

Dream big, folks.  Why not!  Start today.  Blessings to all.

The Rough Patch in Marriage

posted by jperry

Perry (8 of 48)

The truth is many people have had them, they just don’t tell you. Second truth is, it is often about us and the answer is personal reflection. I know there are bad marriages, but I’m talking about the normal folks who get swept up in life and career, who fight about money and kids, and who are good people who hit a rough patch. We can fall in and out of love to degrees. It’s all how you’d define it. I’m not a relationship expert, but I’ve learned a lot about myself through my relationship and observing others around me.

For me, I’ve never been more in love with my husband. It wasn’t always like that. We’ve had a roller coaster at times, being married for seventeen years, and having five kids. Almost a decade ago, we hit a rough patch. It was also one of my rough patches. It’s no coincidence. I had lost sixty pounds. I was drinking too much wine. I realized that being thin did not bring me happiness, so I thought maybe money would. I was looking outside of myself for happiness. My hubby was always stressed out and when he wasn’t working, he still wasn’t present. He had the weight of taking care of our family on his shoulders. I was grateful for how hard he worked, but was going my own personal struggles so I couldn’t really see how wonderful it was. We were disconnected. I’d want to be connected, but it frustrated me. I couldn’t be the only one working on us. I was being conditional with my love with him, my kids, with others, and especially myself. I was guilt-ridden and obsessed with being more, worthy, enough. I wanted to be someone else. Other people’s lives looked so easy.

I felt like I missed out on my twenties as I’d meet people around my age at the gym. Here I was a housewife who had been married at 19, with my first child born a month after I turned 20. I dreamt of having a carefree life where I could buy cute clothes, go out with my friends, and figure out who the hell I was. At the same time, I felt awful for not appreciating my life and all the good there was in it. I was wrapped up in fear. I was always afraid something bad would happen to my children or my husband. I’d think of worst-case scenarios. I remember praying that I wanted perspective, without tragedy. I didn’t want something bad to have to happen, in order for me to see how good I had it. Money woes paralyzed me, made me feel a victim of circumstance, and made me feel like a bad mom. You see, how could our marriage be doing well, if we both were struggling.

I’ve had heart-to-hearts with a few friends who have told me their deepest darkest secrets. I have a vault in my heart I keep them in. I was surprised to find out some of them have had rough patches too. You just have to ride it out and decide you’re in it for the long haul. That’s what they did. They got to the other side. It was a deliberate choice they made to stay and to work on themselves. I don’t have an answer for everyone, but for me, it was to focus on what I loved about him. I didn’t sweat the small stuff anymore. I hugged him more. I was honest with him about my feelings. I also told him I wanted to have another baby. That was baby #3, if you’re counting. Looking back now, I realize that I did that because at the time, my youngest was in kindergarten. I felt my purpose slipping away. I never felt like I had more of a purpose than when my kids were babies. This also always brought us closer as a couple, when we had a new baby. But you can’t just keeping having babies to try to fix your marriage.

Drop the idea of a perfect marriage. Practice forgiveness with your spouse and yourself. There may be multiple rough patches and honeymoon phases in marriage, just like any relationship in your life. Real love is messy. You know whether your marriage is worth saving. You can fall back in love. My advice is trust your gut. Ask yourself if you still love them? Can you see your life without them? No amount of therapy will compensate for what you do at home. It starts with you.

Look within. Work on you. Text love messages to your partner. Stop keeping score. Focus on what you want. Decide on love. Choose it daily.

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