I get so many insights when I’m by myself or even when I’m in a crowd, but dwelling within. I get “a-ha’s” when I soul talk aloud, but not when I’m trying to figure out who keeps peeing on the floor in the bathroom of my home. I think it’s my youngest son. He’s four. Hopefully he’ll grow out of it. My connection to the Divine is heightened at certain times, through music and nature especially…and yoga.
The other morning I woke up to go do yoga on the beach which is like a hug from God by the way. My hubby and I had our once a year fight the night before and I went to bed mad. We are truly madly in love and this yearly argument about something dumb only makes us realize the love even more. I’ll share my insight I posted on Facebook at the end of the blog. But I wanted to share the personal challenge I experienced as I surrendered on the mat.
I left my youngest child snuggling in bed with my hubby as I left at 6:45 (I know…can you believe I get up that early to do yoga? Shocker to me too.) Because I went to bed with that yucky energy, I woke up to it. I almost went home before I got there and even during class. Anxiety was trying to trick me. I had to talk myself out of crazy. She’s going to roll out of bed and hit her head or all these scary scenarios were like a red light in my head. This is nothing new. I’ve had these struggles before with panic thoughts about my kids. It’s not intuition. I know the difference.
As I reach for more greatness in my life, as in success, business, prosperity, my comfort zone gets thrown in disarray as if it’s been ransacked. All the balls I’m juggling in the air fall down and I must pick them up, sort them, and see which one should be in the center of my Universe. Spiritual connection, my own connection to my soul, and then family. If you put others first energetically, it’s draining to them eventually. You must be centered as the foundation of your own Life with God flowing through your veins and filling the breath in your lungs in order to keep all the balls in the air going. Sometimes you decide you may just juggle one ball. There’s no right or wrong there.
So as my doubt monsters were trying to trick me that something would happen to one of my kids, I felt all stress of my daughter going off to college next year. I am being called to walk my talk and trust totally everywhere in my life. My family is my Achilles’ heel. When I feel like I’m not a good mom, there is nothing worse. I felt myself centering and knowing as I got into my soul space and out of my head on the mat.
As I took my two youngest sons to breakfast, this came to me and I posted it on Facebook:
Me and my hubby have once a year fights. We had one yesterday. They’re always a miscommunication. They always rattle my anxiety. The beauty of it is that we always realize how deep our love is. I hear people say that they never fight and I don’t know if I buy that they don’t even bicker once a year. And I don’t want a flat life. I want the experience and the richness. I want to be scared to love fully because it’s a risk that if taken away, I’d be broken in half. It’s where my trusting God comes in. You see, I am an “until death do you part” with my hubby, just like with my kids. I have no doubt in this. It’s a knowing we’ve done this for lifetimes. Did I luck out? Did I create it? It’s both. Our relationship works like magic though, because we have both given our full hearts. Daring to love fully is the bravest act of all. I wanted years ago to not need him, but I do and I eventually jumped in with both feet off that cliff. I need my kids too. Needing people is human. Could you survive without them? Yes, but what is life without love and wanting and needing and being. It’s a cycle. If you can just be, it’s wonderful, but it never lasts, you must always breathe again, exhaling and inhaling. Surrendering to who you are and all that you are makes relationships epic. We are responsible for our own shit. This is how relationship teach us. Love is a power, a force, a place within us, it’s pulsing through it all if you can remember to seek it and allow it.
P. S. We always say we’re sorry and we agree to disagree. I think he’s the bee’s knees. He’s my heartthrob.