Sassy Spirit

What does personal freedom mean to you? What do you want to be free of? What do you want to become independent of? Ask yourself.

I began pondering this yesterday, where we celebrated the 4th of July in America, but due to bad weather the BBQ was rescheduled so I had lots of time to think.  I had rerecorded the Self-Love with my co-presenter in the morning, and after a million snafus my brain was fried from a busy week.  Freedom from obligations always sounds good after a long work week.  I thought about what freedom means to me.  Freedom is a beautiful thing. That’s what more money can mean. More time is freedom. That’s what a different job, a move to another place, and other changes can mean more freedom as well. This is living on purpose and with intention. We think circumstances dictate freedom or lack there of or other feelings like happiness or security. Can you feel freedom inside? It’s one of the best feeling in the world. There are many kinds of freedom and we seek them on all the levels.  Freedom of speech allows me to blog as well as freedom of expression.  I like to think I have freedom of being as a gift of my thirties.

As for independence, having a self-independent life can be more than financially or just living on your own.  It could be the opposite of co-dependent. Co-dependence is a funny thing in parenting, because when kids are younger, they need you 24/7 physically and emotionally.  As they get older, they need less attention in certain areas like tying their shoes and but you must be present and keep tabs on their friends, grades, and who they are becoming.  The degrees of that are what people must decide for themselves.  Parenting books can be helpful, but unless you write one for each specific kid, they often leave you frustrated.  Does your mood change if your child misbehaves or gives you an attitude?  Are you swayed by the tone of your house and its inhabitants or do you feel completely self-independent?  I’m so guilty of letting my zoo, I mean house, affect me.

On Independence Day, I was crabby for a while because I was letting my kids dictate my vibe.  Most parents get frazzled at some point, like after a long day, they reach their breaking point and yell.  The straw that broke the camel’s back can be when one kid slugs the other for the twentieth time (sounds like my house).  My youngest son can be Dennis the Menace at times, Ghandi the next.   He’s four.  Need I say more? “Why” is his favorite word.  If I feel off, out of balance, or not centered, it can be a roller coaster if I’m constantly refereeing in my own home or catch ‘tude from one of my older kids.  Each one of my kids is a gift and a challenge.  There is nothing wrong with them.  They just have different personalities.  Including my hubby, it means there are seven of us in one home.  If I had six roommates, I’m sure we’d get on each others nerves at times.  My kids have been watching Full House and they do have their squabbles, but my boys duke it out and if you have boys, you understand.  They have a LOT of energy.  I would be great to be able to have some “me” time, go for a drive, read a book, just be by myself…like a cocoon would have been great. I did try to zone out a bit while folding laundry and watching some reality TV, Ladies of London, because I love British everything.  It helped for a bit, but all the people celebrating outside while I was baking two different kinds of brownies while two kids were fighting before bedtime was salt in my wound…like looking at a parade from prison.

Did I do anything wrong?  Nope.  Bad days are human.  Could I have chosen something different?  It really doesn’t matter.  That day will never happen again.  The victim that lives in my shadow side came out to play.  It’s okay.  Today, I’m refreshed.  I am focused on what I do want.  That’s all you can ever do is MOVE FORWARD.  Don’t ever dwell on your mistakes, regrets, shortcomings, flaws, or bad days.  Never believe your bad days.  They pass.  You’re still a rockstar if you have them.  You are still self-independent if you get tripped up by other’s behavior.  You can strive to be less affected and more in tune with yourself.  You can aim to be independent and free of certain thinking you fall back into. This was my Vicky Victim coming in, Victoria was my confirmation name and I choose it because of a character on the old soap opera, One Life to Live.  What a coincidence and sign there.  Why play victim when we have this one life to live?  My Vicky Victim was telling me lots of stories yesterday.  She’s very dramatic.  I also read that yesterday Pluto was the closest to the Earth it’s been in 200 years which was saying our dark side was coming up, like your personality was going to be shouting in your face.  Old stuff was coming up for me for sure.  I love when I read about the astrological or woo woo stuff after my own gunk happened.  Because I feel so much and am sensitive to energy, I need to be a hermit and honor that.  Instead of trying to be free or independent of any negativity, thinking I must be energy up/high vibe/happy girl or I’m phony…I release self-judgment and more spiritual perfectionism.  I signed up to be a badass and live an authentic and blissful life. That I affirm and I give my victim within a big hug and tell her she’s safe and loved so she can stop feeling sorry for herself and start living.

Ahh…I’m free to love myself, victim and all.  Self-independence day is every day.  Woohoo!

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