Totally feeling that “whack-a-mole” thing going on as I parent. Squash one problem, another pops up. Or putting out one fire and you see another one started. Oh, growth can be interesting. I make myself wrong in certain places still so easily. . .money and parenting. Achilles heels. . .am I doing enough…could I have done it better? Why can’t I figure it out once and for all? I laugh at myself on how I can feel back to square one and then shake it within minutes. I once knew a lady who had a breakdown after being at an ashram. Hmm, time alone. . .with no demands on me, no need to trying to “do” anything right or even attempting. Quiet, what a concept. Okay, I’ll go, only if I can still wear cute outfits.
Just kidding, I’m not going anywhere. These kids are stuck with me. Feels like with five kids, I by accident signed up for a triathlon, versus a 5K (which I could do) and then they added two other parts. . .flying (no plane or broom, just magic) and you must build a dwelling with only popsicle sticks. Yep, some days it feels like that. But kids are not going to be perfect and parents are not going to be perfect. Love is messy. Life is weird and wonderful. Maybe someone out there has all easy kids or one at least, and they have the patience of a saint, and. . .okay, I probably just saw that on TV. What I know is I have power though. I can’t fix or control, but I can love. That’s my job. I must model healthy mind-body-spirit for them, as well as forgiveness, creating your own happiness, and minding your own business.
Make only you, your business. As a parent, some say this is still true, but for me it’s over simplifying things. Do you keep them out of danger until the age of 18. That is not necessarily true. They are not wrapped in bubble wrap around you 24/7 and what a hellish experience for them it would be to never choose anything. We all want freedom. I have pretty badass kids with strong wills. Oh, I’d love to control them sometimes. Love, Guide, love, help, worry, love, yell, pray, love, resent, love, set boundaries, love learn from them, love, mess up, love, say sorry and that’s in one day. They do all have their own journeys and distinct personalities. They are not me and actually very different than me in some ways. Do I want to change them? No. Even if I don’t understand them or why they do things, I don’t have to understand them always. It would be impossible. I’m not in their heads. I don’t need to fix them. Even when my four year old punches or uses foul language, he is not broken. Love is still called for. He has a temper, enjoys shenanigans, where I must be clear about how I will be treated and what behavior is acceptable to me, but love heals. On the deepest levels, it does, no matter what the outside looks like. With my beautiful baby, she doesn’t say a word, but she teaches me and I learn. All of my kids can push my buttons or trigger a feeling for me to heal. At five months old, she doesn’t make me mad, but challenges me to be patient, manage my time, and to center in love always. She locks eyes with me and it’s so powerful. I know all the changes to come, since my other kids are 16, 13, 7, and 4. . .so I revel in this. I am her world. I do not take this lightly. When they are little, I devote myself to them in a way, like I fill them up with enough love to know for the rest of their life it’s their set point. I am teaching her about God in this way. I teach her trust, love, patience, and so much more, just by being her mommy.
No matter what goes on, with a spiritual connection, I got this.