Safe Place with Ruth Graham

Safe Place with Ruth Graham

50 Shades of Gray…Pornography

The book, Fifty Shades of Gray, and the sequels are best sellers. I will state up front that I haven’t read them. I have read the reviews and watched Ellen DeGeneres’ spoof  on reading it for the audio version.

From what I have read, it is a poorly written book. The subject matter is pornography. Therefore, I need not waste my time.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know why they are bestsellers. People like titillation. It appeals to the baser nature – our sin nature. Why do you think pornography is such a problem?

I feel that these books are a subtle way that Satan is using to hook people on pornography. They are not harmless novels. These kinds of things have the law of diminishing returns. What satisfies you on one day only increases your appetite for something more. Soon you are going deeper until you are trapped. I have seen it happen. Once curiosity moves to attraction it soon moves to desire then on to addiction. The addiction takes over.  You loose control. It isn’t long before your family, reputation, career, money and  soul are in jeopardy. It is a long road back. The images in your head are hard if not impossible to erase. My first husband brought pornography into our marriage saying it would enhance our sex life. That is a lie straight from hell! And I can still bring up those images after nearly 40 years.


I have seen the effects of pornography. It is ugly. I know people whose lives were ruined by it. I knew a man highly respected in his community. A leading pastor and licensed counsellor. He had been abused as a young boy which awakened his sexual feelings. He began to look at pornography. It became an addiction. As an adult he got caught up in voyeurism and looking at younger and younger images. He was caught. Sent to jail. He was charged with child pornography and is now a felon. He lost his family, his pastorate, his counselling practice, his money, his reputation. From time to time he tried to self-correct but was unsuccessful. The addiction was too strong. His life, he had worked so hard to build, was destroyed.

Pornography takes away the ability to bond with a person of the opposite sex. You are so used to relating to a fake, impersonal image on screen or on the page that a real person or image cannot satisfy. You have invested all you are and have into a false world. You have taken from a person without investing in them – we call that “using” someone.


It’s not just men. Women now are becoming involved  in pornography – even addicted. I am not sure why. But to me it seems clear that the person wants intimacy without relationship. We were not created for that. We long for relationships that are satisfying and fulfilling – that is God’s purpose for us. But relationships take work – perhaps pornography looks like a short-cut to intimacy. It isn’t. It is a sewer hole.

God has invited us into relationship with Him and with each other. He made us for real relationship.

Pornography is evil. It may be appealing and seem harmless. I don’t buy the idea that, “I just read the articles.”

I am sure you can tell I have strong feelings about this. My life has been affected by pornography. I get letters almost every week from people whose lives have been damaged by this scourge. And folks in the church, even pastors, are not immune. It can remain hidden and secret for years. But it will come out.


Let me say that there is help. The addiction can be broken. It is very difficult – but with God’s help, it can be done. My friend,Tal Prince, has a powerful ministry to those addcited to porn. He has Tapestry of Hope out of Birmingham, AL. Dr. Mark Laaser and his wife, Deb, have a ministry: Faithful and True out of Minneapolis. I have worked with these people and know them to have integrity and gracious hearts because they have “been there and done that”.

Guard your computer and the Internet. There are programs like Covenant Eyes and Child Safe that you can install. Because the Internet is like an open door to a sewer. We don’t allow open sewers in our communities. The Internet pornographers know how to trick children especially. Parents, pay attention!

I will have more to say on this…stay tuned. I welcome your comments and any suggestions you may have to help someone.


  • Fabian Renner

    100% agree. From the deepest of evil it comes!!! And it begins so early!!!

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Jan

    Hey. It’s G-R-E-Y, not G-R-A-Y.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Anonymous

    God warns us of sexual immorality and the forbiddens. I agree with this article, don’t knock the Bible until you have read it, either- I dare you. THe Holy Bible. Ask for this SUPERNATURAL GOD to speak to you before you begin-
    I survived someone’s addiction to porn and sexualy immoral friends leading a new born Christian in the wrong direction. With the strength of my Jesus I put a stop to it- now porn floods the telvision, all dgrees and sexual immorality as GOd calls it. Are you calling God a liar. Oh boy- have you got guts.

  • http://Thank-youRuthforyouarticle! MaggieB

    I have a friend who in the past I had seen as a spiritual influence and I would ask her to agree in prayer with me. Now she tells me is is reading the books “50 Shades of Grey” and joking about finding someone to practise on – I have lost my respect for her as a spiritual influence and I will never ask her to pray with me again. I am shocked by all the people on here that say they are Christians and see nothing wrong with bringing trash into their home and minds. No wonder our churches are so secular and spiritually weak.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Kitty

    Seriously. I read all 3 of the books and am a Christian. The books have not affected me in any way. I think it is a joke that people have sex that often. In real life that just does not happen. I have been happily married for 25 years, my husband is sick, yet I have enough self-control to keep the books from adversely affecting my marriage. It all has to do with self-control. I, as a Christian, only read the books as entertainment.

  • Pingback: 50 Shades Of Grey: Let’s Talk « Intentional Warriors

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Miss Jane

    I read the book and as a married Christian woman I have to say this steamy book helped me in the bedroom (with my husband)…I have menopause symptoms – one of which is decreasing libido. My husband is very happy!!I really did not consider the book to be pornographic. Porn has been around a long time & if you look the first friend who succumbed to the darkness of it, well he truly did not seek God for help.
    Consider 1 Corinthians 7:4-5:
    The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you
    because of your lack of self-control.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Your Name

    It’s HER Opinion. Everybody has the right to state their opinion. So why are you all so angry??
    It is pornography. You are reading about people’s sexual fantasies. That is not what JESUS would approve of!!

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Michelle Murrill

    Thank you Robert…..

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Sarah

    As a Christian and from bits and pieces and reviews I have read about this book ,I would not even consider reading trash. Yes what people do in their own homes are their business but remember what goes on behind closed doors to the puplic is still seen and known by God.The devil works hard to convince people it is ok to read trash but what we put into our mind and body has a great effect as to what comes out,

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Linda & Andy Haueisen (both have pastor/teacher biblical gifts)

    The book in the bible: Song of Solomon gives us illustrations of erotic poetry.If you want to know God’s truth on sexual freedoms that people are blessed with, not what your tradional teachings of men at your local church teaches), pornography (not sin in most cases, read the book Divine Sex by Philos Thelos available free on line. We are glad that we have read and studied Divine Sex. We have been blessed by finding out about God’s truths on sex. My bible tells me the truth shall set you free!

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment EF

    How can you judge the book by the cover/reviews? I have read all 3 – and as CB said – I passed by the porn for the love story between 2 people that did marry. The character Ana even prays to God to bring him home safe and they went to church because he came home safe… Ana was even a virgin when the 2 fell in love – she married the only man she had ever been with. So all the many men in the bible had many wives but that is ok? You seriously need to read before you even think of judging – with your religious babble. I am a Christian and its not our place to judge others that’s God’s (big G for those who misspelled) job.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Stephanie

    I think that the biggest problem with Christians is hypocrisy and the condemning judgement of others. No one can judge who or what a ” real” christian is. As adults we can make up our minds about what we should stay away from. I’ve known too many people as a child growing up in church condemning various things, then years later they were doing the very same thing. I’ve read all three books– it’s all hype and not as bad as people make it out to be. I’ve read “banned” books that weren’t as bad as they were made out to be.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Andre Bolden

    I have a couple of friends that should certainly take heed to your message in this letter.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment tempest sharp

    Are you kidding me, read the book? seriously. Too me you are acting like a child that turns up his nose at a type of food he has never tried, but decides instantly that he does not like it. Perhaps you don’t read it because you are afraid you will like it, or maybe you are afraid you are going to be addicted? Seriously addicted to what? Porn. I have only got part done with the first book a month ago, and not have had the chance to pick it back up, NOW IF IT WAS GOING TO BE addicted to it, and “need” it, i would have finished all three by now. I am a christian, and actually my husband and i were just talking the other day about how much sin and rape there was in the bible….. but that’s ok, right?

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Jacqui

    The correct name of the book is “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Please, if you’re going to write about published work, get the title correct. Also, I feel that since you didn’t read the book you shouldn’t comment on it. Had you read the book, you would have found that it’s not a book of pornography, but rather a love story on how the POWER of LOVE can TRANSFORM and HEAL.

    I suggest you read the books and then come back and comment. You are so off base with this one.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Chandel

    Kuddos to you for speaking the truth. So do you have to watch a porn flick to know is porn? Nope ya dont. This is how the devil gets into peoples lives. Oh, its just a lil ole book about sex. Its wrong people and for all of you that have read it and say its ok, well, your probably gonna have a reality check at the gates of heaven. The devil is so sneaky and he is telling you that its ok but its not. The book is filth and its all about premarital sex and lustful desires bordering on S&M. If you want some good books to read, try the Christian section of your local library.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Your Name

    why so judgmental. find some good in things god has made. he has a plan for everything, even a book that was writtem, so go on with your life

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Philip

    Well, all the readers have something to say about it and at the end it will be either good or bad.
    But,the intention or the remark was not to encourage pronography and she is clearly mentioning about the consequences, therefore, it is a hint to those who are addicted to this bad habbit.
    Regards to one to all… philip

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Your Name

    a lot of people say they are Christians but a lot of people set their own rules of what a Christian is…some don’t even believe in the bible any more. Reading these comments from total strangers is pointless…no I didn’t read the book and have no desire to but that is just me.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Nicky

    Well for the individuals who claims to be a christian, Is so Not… Would Jesus read this book? I think NOT… As Christians we need to stick for what’s right. Now this book is far for God.. so far that God is not pleased with it. God is getting so tired of people that calls themselves children of HIS… Woe be unto to YOU.. Shame on you’ll

  • http://JudgeNot...... Audrie

    I think it is disingenuous to critique a book that you have not read. Like many believers I heard all the talk about “Shades of Grey” and decided that it was pornography. Since I am in possession of an open mind I decided to read it for myself to see what the fuss was all about. True it is chock full of “kinky” sex but if you can get past that, there is a beautiful back story about the power of love to heal and transform. Read the books, you’ll be glad you did and then come back and tell us what you think.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Lynn

    If you are a follower of Christ, ask yourself “Would Jesus read this book?”
    There’s your answer.

  • Nick Furey

    I am the author of the book, “Cross Words – Renewing Your Mind With Acronyms of HOPE”; in one chapter, I give the acronym for LUST -Living Under Satan’s Traps.

    Pornography can became like kryptonite for Superman, it weakens your inner strength and purpose. Thanks Ruth for your commentary regarding these filthy books. I believe those kind of books destroy marriages as much as visual porn, women put too high of an expectation on their husband to be just as perfect

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment mari

    I read the books because so many friends had recommended them to me. I read daily, so it wasn’t a big deal for me to run through all three within a week or two. I completely agree with you that they are only on the best seller list due to the ” shock value” and the racy content. The truth of the matter is, had the character in the book not been a billionaire and great looking, he would be considered a disgusting, sadistic sex addict who should be institutionalized immediately. Sex addiction is not a joke. I forced myself to get through the last two books and to keep an open mind because I didn’t think it was fair to pass judgement when I hadn’t read them. I now feel like I have every right to say with all honesty that the books are very poorly written and are not in the least what I would call good writing.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment CB

    I’m on the third book and to me, it isn’t about porn at all. In fact, I find those parts just get in the way and I now gloss over them – just too weird! This book is a love story. What piques my interest is how romantic he is. It’s nice to see what a man with unlimited resources comes up with. That’s the fantasy aspect of the books SO worth reading! You are off base and I believe it’s because of your past

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment TIM MCDON

    I have a problem with this book “50 SHADES OF GRAY”! EVERY talk show is promoting it as a bad book for society! EVEN OUR KIDS ARE READING IT!!! well IF YOU WOULD SHUT UP ABOUT THE BOOK on every sort of media(radio,TV,iPAD,Iphone, computer, etc) you would never know what the book is about! I just found out that an author, Judy Blume, is on a banned book list because she named a penis, RALPH, in a book she wrote! WHO THE HECK IS JUDY BLUME????? why dont I know that name? BECAUSE~~ EVERY PLACE I LOOK HER NAME IS NOT BEING DRILLED INTO MY HEAD!!!!!!!

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Robert L. Seigle

    I think that books like 50Shades Of Gray and any like minded only show how far we have fallen as a people and as a nation. Freedon is not free and any that claim freedom by perversion is only showing their distain for the society in which we live. Proudly displaying their sinful and rebellious nature against that which true and natural. I know that none of us is perfect and are a work in progress but we must work toward that perfection which will bring love and peace into our lives instead of confusion and distruction. There are those that clain to love God but insist on living outside the word of God and nature while proclaiming justification through love. Not a GODLY love but a love of the flesh, so please do not be deceived by treachery of words. For those that purchase this book out of curiosity, remember that curiosity Killed the cat, and that by using your hard earned blessings for any purpose other than that which you were blessed you are supporting that cause. Likewise when watch television that clorifies these lifestyles, we support that cause, when we listen to or allow our children to listen to and purchase materials that are contrary to good conduct and counterproductive to our way of life, we support that cause and the evil in this world. Because were into a corrupt society I understant why so many might be confused, please allow me to refer you to JAMES 1:5 (If any of you lack wisdow, let him ask of GOD, that giveth to all men/women liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.)(I Thessalonians) So Paul says, “I would not have you to be ignorant” , It is terrible to be ignorant about great things.You can be educated and still be ignorant about the most important things of life and eternity. I am not a Preacher, Teacher or even educated beyond 1-year of college. I am a 63yr old male and my hope is for the good of those which believe. My prayer is for the love of GOD cover ,bless and keep each and everyone of you.

    With all the love in my heart;
    Robert L. Seigle

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Your Name

    You are all fools

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Your Name

    Thanks for the article on porn. I am really struggling in my relationship with this. I am happy to know I not the only one that deals with it. Thx

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Ann

    I haven’t read the book either but you shouldn’t comment on something you haven’t read. You are commenting on hearsay. You could have just written an article on pornography without bringing a book that you haven’t read into it.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment katrina

    I love this! I just graduated from high school and the 50 Shades of Grey books were being passed around my senior honors classes. I couldn’t help but be disgusted and think to myself, “How could even my Christian friends be reading these???” After having a few of my friends describe the novels, I realized it was a form of pornography, made to capture the eyes of women. Your article speaks TRUTH and it is BOLD, something that I admire.Thank you for this!

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