As I wait for the results of my blood test, I find comfort from this Psalm:
ESV Psalm 130:1 Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord!2 O Lord, hear my voice!Let your ears be attentiveto the voice of my pleas for mercy!3 If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,O Lord, who could stand?4 But with you there is forgiveness,that you may be feared.5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,and in his word I hope;6 my soul waits for the Lordmore than watchmen for the morning,more than watchmen for the morning.7 O Israel, hope in the Lord!For with the Lord there is steadfast love,and with him is plentiful redemption.8 And he will redeem Israelfrom all his iniquities.
I feel blessed that I don’t have to do this alone, that God is with me providing me with comfort, moving the hearts of his people to pray for me (I’ve been told by more than one person that they wake up in the middle of the night and will be thinking about me and will pray for me), moving their hearts to call me and over me comfort and love. It is clear to me that the Lord is providing for my needs and strength to make it through this valley of the shadow of darkness.Matt Chandler has an interesting perspective on this:Like Chandler, God has been “good and beautiful and so near” to me. I feel his presence throughout the day and see him in the good that has come out of the past year and in the strength I need to get up each more instead of giving up.BTW, I thought AP did a great job of incorporating Chandler’s faith in their report of his brain tumor :
Chandler is trying to suffer well. He would never ask for such a trial, but in some ways he welcomes this cancer. He says he feels grateful that God has counted him worthy to endure it. He has always preached that God will bring both joy and suffering but is only recently learning to experience the latter.[...]Chandler says learning he had brain cancer was “kind of like getting punched in the gut. You take the shot, you try not to vomit, then you get back to doing what you do, believing what you believe.”We never felt — still have not felt — betrayed by the Lord or abandoned by the Lord. I can honestly say, we haven’t asked the question, ‘Why?’ or wondered, ‘Why me, why not somebody else?’ We just haven’t gotten to that place. I’m not saying we won’t get there. I’m just saying it hasn’t happened yet.”Later, Chandler clarified that. There was one moment when he looked at a Christmas card, saw a picture of a man who chronically cheated on his wife and thought, “Why not that guy?”Chandler confessed to Lauren that his thoughts were wicked and wrong.
I never wondered why me since I know the Scripture has already answered that question:
ESV Philippians 1:29 For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sakeESV Romans 8:17 and if children, then heirs–heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.
Clearly, I’m suffering for the sake of Jesus. How can I complain when he’s also granted me faith and eternal life?