Sorry about my absence from the blog, I lost my lap so I couldn’t use my laptop Though, it’s a little more complicated than that. I didn’t have the energy to post. I still surfed the net but didn’t have the ability to push past the pain to write (even the little bit I do here I’m feeling much better now because I got my lap back. It’s a sad fact of life for an ovarian cancer patient that their tumors flood the abdominal cavity with fluid. Last year my first hint that I had a medical issue was the abdominal fluid, it was a blessing then, letting my doctors know that there was something up and that I probably had cancer. Now, it’s a curse that is making my life miserable and making it hard to do anything, I can’t even stand up straight. Over the weekend it got so bad I couldn’t even put the dishes in the dishwasher without getting winded. So needless to say I’ve been pretty depressed.
But than this week my oncologist was able to drain 2.4 litters (which translates to five lbs — pretty good weight loss program) and I have another appointment for next week to see if they can drain off more. I felt such a relief when the first bottle filled up and I was able to breathe again. You guys have no idea what it feels like to drag around all that extra weight. It felt like when I was pregnant (the stretched skin and the pressure) but instead of the joy of life inside me, I’m carrying death.
So, does this mean that the chemo isn’t working? Not necessarily. It does mean that the tumor is advancing but it doesn’t mean that the chemo isn’t doing it’s job. I’m getting Topotecan weekly in low doses with a week off for my immune system to repair itself (3 weeks on, 1 week off), so I haven’t gotten enough for it to do too much. We really have to give it a couple months to see if it’s working. The CA125 number went up to 315, so that was a concern (I was really bummed about it at the time) but the oncologists (I’ve asked three in the practice) seem to think this isn’t a concern: CA125 numbers can fluctuate and aren’t always an accurate indicator of what’s going on. We won’t know for sure until we get the CT Scan in April.
My prayer has been that the Lord will heal me using the Topotecan. The chemo has only mild side effects, I don’t get the Neulasta shots (which made my life miserable last year), I don’t have to stay long in the chemo chair and my friends have been taking me so it’s been a fun outing to do Bible study and talk and then have lunch afterward. I can see many blessing for me and my friends from our time together, weird to say that over something so terrible but that’s the way of the Lord (Romans 8:28).
So, to sum it all up I’m waiting on the Lord to see the wonderful things he has in store for me:
Ephesians 3:14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith–that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.